I feel like the worst person in the world

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Everything went wrong yesterday. See, it all started when I left one of my bags at college and didn't realise till I was on the bus. I phoned the college, and then when they said they wouldn;t be open the next day, I got upset and had to get off the bus to go back for it, and was stressed out by it cause I wanted to get to my dads house sooner. And I phoned him while upset and ended up wasting mroe time and phone credit.
Later, I asked my online friend from the same country as me if they had a week off school next week cause I do but last October, their's ended up being the week after. I thought it unlikely to happen aain, but because I'm a pessimist, I assume the worst to avoid nasty suprises, and I become more wary from past experiences...and it turned out what happened last year was going to repeat itse'lf. GREAT, JUST WHAT I NEEDED!! Of course I was upset at the inconvenience this was going to cause. see, when their week off came, I would be busy with college again, and so I would be in more of a hurry to get to the computer in the afternoon when I can than I normall am, and I'm normally in a lot of a hurry anyway.
I decided t oask my Mum if my siblings were off when I was as well, cause if they weren't, then at least my week off would be a bit better. But she doesn't have her sim card yet, so I had to phone her instead of text her. And then when she told me therey were off when I was, I asked if we could go out and do more stuff, which I don't usually want to do, but since not many poeple would be online during the main day, I knew I needed something to kill that extra time with.
And I ended up telling my Mum abotu the bus incident, when my phone told me I had a minute left. And then I found I couldn;t text anyone!! BECAUSE I HAD WASTED MY NEWLY-BOUGHT PHONE CREDIT!! !! !! !! !
And so I went downstairs to ask my dad and his friends if they could remind me how to get credit online instead of having to go and get money out the bank and buy a voucher and mak a phone call and all that stuff I'm tired of doing, cause I want to do it an easier way!!
Well anyway, they happened to be recording something on the TV for someone in another country to see. Even though I was annoyed, I tried asking calmly, but got told to go away. And some very bad part of me stopped me and I ended up asking again, and THAT'S when htings got bad. My Dad shouted at me, and now everyone is cross with me.
I was going to go out that night but ended up not going cause I was crying too much. I didn't even want to go for myself, only to please the others, so of course I would feel bad about it.
But I want to move on, but they're not going to let me!! I tried saying sorry but they would not accept it. They said there was nothing I could do to redeem myself, but I really want to make it up to them!! Well, mainly so I don't lose my privelages, especially the computer, since I have a week off ahead, but I don't awnt to have to beat myself up about it and be sad about it al lthe time because it's not healthy for me!! They said I was too selfish and that is true, but how can I not be selfish and still be happy, or at least have a bit more convenience?
I posted here mainly for sympathym cause I need it and no one in real life will give me any. but I also need advice. What can I do to make them happier? nd how can I be nice around them without having to force myself to be?

Apart from trying to switch to a postpaid phone carrier, I think a good route for you is probably to seek a counselor or teacher of yours to listen to what's going on in your life, I get the sense that your college is probably a bit more stressful than your parents might be willing to admit, so I think people there could be better equipped to help you explain your troubles to your parents at length. I know, better than most, how many things can simply fly through parents' heads when they aren't placed in the right context. It's generally inevitable that older people had an easier, simpler time in school, and often they don't or can't realize the extent of this. Thorough explanations are usually the answer in my experience.

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"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
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That was a bad day. But you certainly are not the worst person in the world. You are probably not even the worst in Northern Europe. ( ). You are 16 and facing new challenges, probably almost daily.

One suggestion is to work on a way to deal with frustration. When things go wrong or you can't get the assistance you want try to think about formulating an alternative plan or doing something else, instead of getting upset and making an issue out of it. I think, from what you say you come to regret those outbursts or insistances. They don't really work and leave you just with embarassment. I know its genuinely hard to stop them. They can feel like overpowering urges. But you can stop them. I know that because I have had the same problem and have with a lot of effort successfully stopped them. You can come to see its just an strong emotional response, and illogical and it does more harm then good. But mostly it is because it can hurt or annoy friends or family (or strangers) that it is worth stopping.

I second Cberg's suggestion. Talk to your college and see if they have any counselors that could set up a weekly meeting with. It does help a lot having someone to talk to about your problems. More importantly, you would have someone outside your family that could give you a little guidance on those annoying little things in life that everyone takes for granted but that 'slip' for you for X or Y reason.

On a side note, I love the words you use to describe the situation. Maybe its a Brit thing, I don't know. 'Cross' is such an unusual yet wonderful word to see used.

I would be very annoyed if I were in your situation, so I can understand your frustration and other bad feelings. I think that NTs often underestimate the difficulty we may have in "letting go" of certain things. Like when you wanted to ask your dad about the phone, he was probably just thinking "oh this can be answered later," but in your mind you are thinking "I NEED an answer now!" I understand how that feels. I don't have any great advice to give, as I still encounter this problem myself quite often. I have also been accused of being selfish, which is a difficult accusation because, as you say, you have to be a little selfish if you are ever going to be comfortable.

My only advice is to remember that in the long run, these were just small things that went wrong. Unfortunately, several small things added together make for a bad day. Your family may be mad at you right now, but that will fade away soon. I really hope that you were able to have computer priveleges this week. I used to have that as a punishment too, for being "selfish." I wish that others could understand how much of a lifeline the computer is for us, and how it is a disproportionate punishment for the supposed "crime." To someone like my sister, who has many offline friends and ways of connecting with the world but uses the computer for games, taking away the computer may be an okay punishment, but for someone who depends heavily on it to feel okay, then it is unfair I think.

Anyway, I hope that you are feeling better!

On a side note, I love the words you use to describe the situation. Maybe its a Brit thing, I don't know. 'Cross' is such an unusual yet wonderful word to see used.

With regards to your problem of your mobile credit running out, are you aware that several UK networks offer such a thing as a "goodybag" that exists as an alternative to PAYG?

I can understand if your parents don't want to get a contract for you, due to the risk of you running up a big bill, but there is now a new type of PAYG system that is being offered by virtual networks: the goodybag PAYG system. It has the same cheaper tarrifs that contract deals have, but with none of the long-term commitment or risks of running up a huge bill, because you don't have to give the phone company your bank details. You just buy minutes online.

The two cheapest UK networks for PAYG goodybags are currently GiffGaff and Ovivo (both virtual networks). On the GiffGaff network you can buy credit in the traditional way if you want, but you can also pay for a "goodybag" of minutes, which is much better value for money. What a Goodybag means is that instead of purchasing credit, you will purchase calling minutes. The cost per minute is much cheaper than the cost per minute of calls made using conventional credit, but unlike conventional credit, which stays on your SIM indefinitely until used up, when you purchase goodybag minutes you will only have one month to use them. See here:

http://giffgaff.com/goodybags

Then there is Ovivo. Ovivo is even better because once you pay for the SIM card, you get a goodybag bundle every month for FREE. It's honestly free. Sorry to sound like an advert but it's really good.

For the basic goodybag (150 mins, 250 texts, and 250MB of data per month) you will not have to pay anything at all. Ovivo is really popular amongst young people and skint people for that reason. So you should really ask your dad if he will get you an Ovivo SIM.

See here for Ovivo:

http://ovivomobile.com/

I have both an Ovivo SIM and a GiffGaff one. What I do is I spend about £5 or £7.50 per month on a GiffGaff goodybag and then if that allowance runs out, I use my free Ovivo minutes as a backup. Another good thing about those two networks is that they offer free calls if you phone another number on their network. So even if your goodybag had run out, and you had no calling allowance left, you would still be able to phone your mum or dad as long as they got SIM cards from that network, too. (Many people who start using Ovivo or GiffGaff end up getting SIM cards for all their family members as well, due to the convenience of being able to call one another any time for free).

Anyway I hope this helps. You should ask your mum or dad look into the tariffs I've linked to and sort you out a better SIM card deal. It would save them money, as well as making sure you are not left with no credit and unable to make calls.

For the record, Ovivo runs off Vodaphone and GiffGaff runs off O2, so whichever of those signals is better in your area would be the one to go for if you decide to ask your parents for a new SIM.

I say "cross" as well. Many British people do.

I don't think this thread is an appropriate place for pointing out differences in US/UK English. Americans say "mad." Brits say "cross." So what? The OP was upset. The words she used to express her feelings are not the issue. The issue is that she was very upset and wanted to talk about it and get some advice.

EnglishJess, I hope you are feeling more calm now. Did you get some credit on your phone again? I hope they didn't take away your computer privileges, did they?