So Few People

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It's so hard for me to find someone that I can relate to and/or connect with. I want to be with someone, either as a friend or as a life partner, that interests me, that excites me, and that I can learn from. I look at new people I meet with optimism that maybe they will be the one that I connect with, but they never are. They just disappoint me, or don't interest me at all. There have only been two people that I've truly connected with, and neither of them wanted me in their life anymore. One was my best friend who one day, out of the blue (to me), told me he didn't want to be friends anymore and that we should no longer communicate. The other, I was with for 7 years, until he told me that he had changed too much and didn't like "the way I was" anymore, and he moved out. I feel like I'll never find someone that I can feel close to, and that wants to be close to me, again. It's not fair that it's so easy for other people to have these connections, so many of them, and I get so few. I just want to meet that next person, so I can feel not alone for a while, until they get sick of me as well. Hopefully some day I will meet someone who loves me for the way I am. But the chances of that seem astronomical.

I wish you luck in your search. A lot of us on WP are in the same boat as you, so you're not alone in that sense.

Its true that it can be hard to find a good match. You increase your chances by meeting more people. Not by going to bars, etc, but by being involved in practical things that involve other people.

Don't give up. One day you will find him.

I second this. It's all "a numbers game" as they say. And I agree with the part about notbars but getting involved in practical things that involve other people.

I used to feel like the OP, but now I've given up and feel more or less fine alone, but I agree that if one wants to meet the right one, it takes meeting a lot of different people and staying open to the possibilities in all of those. Numbers game.

For what it's worth I just turned in 34 and was never in a romantic relationship over a month. It's incredible how competitive things are out there as well as just how fragile 'conformity' and the ability of one person to relate to another can be at times.

I tend to think for those of us chronically single the best to look for is friends/acquaintances. I've been lucky to at least have something in that department to help me at least feel like there are people who both know me and see me as not only 'normal' or sensible but valuable to have around - IMHO that's probably your bigger priority than a man. As for the relationship world - that's been rocket science even to NT's for the longest time. People have a way of making it look and sound incredibly easy until you keep tabs on them and realize that they only felt that way because they got their foot in the door; getting your foot in the door and being able to find dates or even relationships is really just the beginning of the real challenge in the proposition.

Until fortune smiles and gives you a warm embrace you'll probably want to focus on fortifying your self-assurance, self-confidence, and solving whatever you can in your life that hurts on your own. Yes, a partner wants to feel like they can offer something and they want to feel somewhat needed, however you'll also be in a much happier relationship - should you find one - if you end up being a whole person with a whole person. That said, I'll admit that I don't know you and you could be doing great in this department - just wanted to offer the advice as well as edify your efforts if this is already what you're doing.

Someone I know made a bit of a joke that two halves don't make a whole - they multiply and make a quarter. There's something to that I think, particularly looking at how many NT's I know who've tried that and seen that looking for completion in another person generally never works.

I don't think anyone at wp would want to change you

I feel the same way...I guess you could say I relate.
Well I've decided to stop dwelling on this. It's basically just me randomly worrying, which isn't helpful whatsoever. For now I just have to live friendless and hope I stumble upon a human that I like. At this point, the chances seem rather small.

I'm struggling with this, too.

And I've kind of been beating myself up for it, just because I don't think I'm "good" enough...

It sounds like you have a lot of people that care about you right here! I joined this site because I needed to meet people who can understand on a complex level what its like as an aspie. people who just intuitively understand a similar existence. If you need a friend I would be happy to be one. I feel normal and understood here which is something I don't feel anywhere else. drop me a line tell me about yourself and what you like, books, music whatever.