why am i a target for sadistic people?

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i really don't understand why i've been used and played with so much.
the people i get close to almost always end up using me for a period of time for things like money, validation, or sex/cuddles. then they ditch me when they find something better. i've also known people who have tortured me emotionally for fun.

i've had this happen to me several times and i'm only 23. the first people to do this were: 1. my college roommates who stole from me and ridiculed me behind my back. 2. a guy i liked who played mind games with me to hurt me for a laugh because he knew how lonely i was.
i dropped out of college because i couldn't take it anymore. the only people who wanted to talk to me were guys who were trying to drug me and f*ck me.

i moved to a new city, but my troubles didn't end here. i lived with a sociopath for 2 years who used me for everything i was worth, sexually abused me, and even bullied me into giving him most of my money. i stayed as long as a i did because i was deeply attached to him and couldn't face the truth. i had no money and nowhere else to stay.

the one "best friend" i had here used me to rent a house with her mother. her mother always picked on me in subtle ways and the abuse got worse over time. she started ordering me around like a slave and setting me up for heartbreak. she told me to get a cat and then made me get rid of her because "the landlord saw her". i didn't even KNOW that pets weren't allowed since i wasn't on the agreement. one day i find a letter on my door with complaints about my behavior (little things they made a big deal of, like leaving the door unlocked on occasion or leaving a FORK in the sink) they were both WAY messier than me and they had people over. i was renting the smallest room in the house and taking the blame for everything that went wrong. i think she did this on purpose to hurt me. she also got my ex-friend to hate me so we don't talk anymore. they moved out of the house and took my security deposit.

i just dumped a 20-year-old kid who basically used me as a booty text. we didnt have sex very often, he just wanted something to kiss and hang out with. he never took me out on dates, called me when i asked for better communication than texts, and he ditched me on two separate occasions when i really needed his help. he ignored christmas altogether and excluded me from a party on new years eve. i started feeling like he was doing this all on purpose to drive me insane.

i don't know why i keep meeting people who know within minutes of talking to me that i'm a good cash cow/punching bag.
it just hurts so much. there are more people i didn't include… but yeah. i just try to be myself and be kind to others. i don't know what makes these people want to harm me. i just don't try anymore… i'm terrified of everyone. i don't try to make any new friends or date.

While my experiences haven't been as bad as yours (and I'm truly sorry you've been through that!) I do see a common pattern in these things.

Mainly we try to be 'nice' and 'helpful' and that seems to attract the kind of people that take that as an easy source of stuff/favors and not real friendship.

I do not know how it happens to you but for me it was simply being helpful without being very social. Ergo, I would become the go-to person when something was needed and they didn't have to give anything in return (as in not even a return favor).

In Spanish we have a term for that: a Tit.

Over the years I learned to simply stop being so helpful and to stop trying to be so helpful/nice/etc and just keep my mouth shut when I would normally offer to help (in any way or form). It's certainly zeroed out the breastfeeders out of my life with no impact on my already near zero social networks.

In the 80's I was engaged to a sociopath who expected me to pay for more than my half of our shared assets, eventually physically and sexually abused me. luckily, I had a nervous breakdown and the psychiatrist told me to break up with the abuser. I succeeded in breaking up after I read a book a friend gave me called "women who love to much" which recommended I get support in a twelve-step group. over the years, my self-esteem has improved. I have gathered a good if small set of friends. I practiced defensive dating (no commitment for six months while watching for signs like over-jealousy, verbal abuse, and trying to monopolize me that indicate he might turn out to be abusive). Six years ago, I met a sweet smart guy. we have a happy marriage. what makes him happy is to see me happy and vice versa.

so - get support - professional or self-help groups or both. get to know your strengths and put your best foot forward. be wary but don't give up.

I'm sorry OP, I've seen a lot of your threads and I think I commented in a few in the past.

I have been through similar experiences regarding friends and relationships, although I won't post them here because they are too long and don't want to derail your thread. (You're welcome to PM me however, if you like).

My experiences have caused me to be paranoid and highly suspicious of everyone, especially if they seem to be too nice to me. I am trying to work on it, but it's hard.

I think you should take some time to yourself to either get help from a therapist or a support group to work on your self esteem and help on being able to determine the signs of being used or abused by someone.

I have similar experiences of people taking advantage of me in one way or another. I think we who seem to have that experience of others have to deliberately learn or be taught how to be more wary, discerning, etc, by a good counselor/therapist. It's taken me almost a lifetime to be less trusting and more protective of myself.

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I'm no professional, and can only give my opinion. One question is at what point in these relationships do you suspect or are you aware the person is using you?

I think the best answer is about 3 seconds before you backed away or broke it off. If you remain in the relationship or friendship knowingly as a victum or doormat, etc, then you are adding to the problem. What you should be thinking is 'Homie don't play that game', and leave them too their jerkish selves.

Certainly not everyone is a user/abuser. What is it that is preventing you from connecting with decent friends? Seriously a good portion of the folks you meet are in that catagory. Do you have trouble recognizing people's nature and intentions or are you impatient of the time and effort it can take to cultivate good friendships?

I think most people don't know within minutes who they can take advantage of... they know when that person doesn't say "no," whether it's only speaking to them for sex, borrowing large sums of money, picking on them, or anything else. Some of them can pick up on who's shy, nervous, meek, never seems to be around others, etc, and target them, however.

Unfortunately, there are quite a few of them out there and the best anyone can do is to deflect them. If we spend our time and energy on them, then there's none left over for anyone else because they'll take as much as they can and do their best to keep us at their disposal. I'm glad you're learning how to just cut off those relationships. I get occasional attempts, but I don't ask questions if their behavior is highly suspicious and I've yet to regret it - the few friends I have are good to me.