I feel I've given up on life.

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I have nothing that I look forward to waking up to. I feel like I'm just stuck living in misery with my parents forever, supposed to be their doting child with no life. I am so unhappy and I feel it's never going to get better.

Don't worry. You will find something to live for.

You are only 19. You are pretty much just getting started on life. High school is over. You don't even realize how fast things can change now.

At 19 after I dropped out of community college I didn't have much hope for the future either and basically gave up on things for a while, 23 now and while its still a struggle I'm not living with my parents anymore and have some direction to work towards. Things change even if at a snail's pace, its a grind and it hasn't gotten easy for me yet but I'm hoping it pays off in the end. You can change your situation, there are things you can do to make it better if you try and maybe your family could help if you expressed that desire but you can't depend on them for everything obviously. For me personally, it took getting to that dark place and the desperation that result to get me to work through my anxieties and insecurities about seeking help, getting the accommodations I need, and to just get on that grind.

This sounds pretty normal for 19. Totally normal for you to still be living with your parents. Most people don't really live independently until their 20's.

What do you do to make yourself feel better?

I have a whole list of things that I do when I feel depressed. Tagnacious's Rules for the Blues, aka, anxiety and depression:

-showers, walks, etc... to de-escalate if I feel overwhelmed.
-do something good for someone else. Maybe a random act of kindness like putting a quarter in someone's car meter.
-do something where I can watch people. This helps me see that I'm not the only one suffering.
-clean something. (It REALLY helps, but I often don't have the executive functioning skills to do so when I'm depressed.)
-get some acupuncture
-find someone who is willing to let me talk to them (this is a hard one, too.)
-herbs
-extra coffee (only for one or two days)
-Make some food that feels wonderful or take myself out to eat somewhere healthy.
-listen to Carolyn Myss when I need a kick start. Listen to Clarissa Pinkola Estes when I need to be held.
-ALWAYS follow up with the appropriate Star Trek episode for the situation.
-do Tai Chi, meditate, do yoga, etc. This is most effective as I'm on the mend. Its not available when I'm really deep in it.
-free form journaling. This helps when I can't figure out why I'm feeling so down. It also helps when I'm angry, but I often don't want to start. Its only after I'm done that it feels good.
-color. I have a mandala coloring book.

Life can be very hard and sometimes it can seem pointless or too painful to continue. I have had many painful periods and difficulties in my life so am no stranger to this sort of thing. In my experience, things can get better. Sometimes one must simply hold on. Finding things to keep busy and to bring some joy are essential. I think this forum could have the potential to help. Befriending people who can relate or even commiserate with you can lighten the load.

I hate being dependent on my family and the government to survive, and I hate how I need to go to school and take a bunch of BS courses just so that I can get into the one career I have a chance at succeeding in. I already have most of the skills I need, yet I need BS credits and BS diplomas and BS certificates for anyone to take me seriously. I wish it worked like the old days where if there was something you were good at, that's what you did for a living, and nobody questioned it. Just because I have trouble understanding 10th grade math concepts doesn't mean that I can't administer a Linux server. I mean, sure, there's probably some training I could use, but I shouldn't have to force myself to slog through a bunch of unrelated BS to get to that training.

f**k, I should just take the f*****g GED and get it over with. Maybe I should also sell one of my kidneys so I can afford to take my CompTIA certification.

Now, if there was something like a high school for adults that you could attend in person, and not be expected to do correspondence or online courses, I would go there. Better yet, I'd like a 24/7 on-call tutor who could help me one on one so that I could learn this s**t and not have to read textbooks or listen to a teacher drone on to a class full of people who can follow the material 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 times better than I can.

I'm just about ready to give up on life too. The way things are going, I'm pretty much destined to be a ret*d welfare bum who doesn't contribute anything productive to society.

Don't let bigmouth discourage you though. Skill is skill and it always improves with trial and error. I saw you mention vastly more technical literacy a few years ago than billions of people acquire in their lifetimes. Trial is 1 and error is 0. That's the whole of the Boolean reasoning that's seen me through enough software contracts to at least pay for some cars and new gear. Given the preferences you've written about I also strongly suggest digging into digital arts (discipline is of course up to you), that's been a really good outlet for me lately and I'm working to strengthen the creative side.

tl;dr?; Star Trek du jour is where it's at.

I can't draw though.

You don't need to draw to do art on the computer.

To do it as a college major you do.

I know it sounds crazy but most people feel this way at least once in life. But it always gets better.

I wish I was a successful Aspie who's been on TV like you...that's my one and only dream and I'm scared I'll never get it.

You have plenty of time to accomplish your dreams. Just do everything you can and work as hard as you can now. But even when you accomplish the goals you have, you'll then want to do even more and so I always say to just always have a positive attitude and do everything you can and things will work out. I hope this advice is helpful

I want to add, if you have a dream and you (OP) keep the dream in mind all the time and look for opportunities that opportunities will present themselves.

There's a short book called The Science Of Getting Rich which was written during the Gilded Age by a man named Wallace Wattles. Wattles researched the lives of the "robber barons" and came to basically the same conclusion that I wrote in the opening sentence of this post. Don't be put off by the title, it's not just about making money but about any goal. The Science Of Getting Rich is available for free online, just google it.

There's another book called As You Think by James Allen (or maybe "Allan", can't remember). You will have to buy that one off Amazon. Again, basically the same conclusion.

And then there's Think and Grow Rich, which I don't recommend because it is meandering and some parts can be pretty weird, it was written by Napoleon Hill who studied under Andrew Carnegie, and it basically comes to the same conclusion as the shorter books.

So, if you want to be famous, keep that in mind, say every night before you go to bed "I want to be a famous actor" and keep looking for opportunities and you will find them.

Alex, it's nice to see you taking more interest in your forum, I know you're busy but it's nice to see you care.

For reference I've found a lot of drawing/design techniques easier in my case on graphics tablets. So much so that I'm thinking of upgrading to a lapop with a Wacom pen display after a while using a standalone Graphire.