How to deal with this?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm not a regular poster, tending to post on WP in spurts, but perhaps a few can lend a ear and a shoulder for a moment.

I'm not quite sure how to deal with this situation.

My grandmother has been ill for a few years. She has multiple myeloma, which is a form of cancer where the white blood cells attack the body. When she was first diagnosed, we were told that it was basically a non-curable cancer [since she doesn't speak English, I was the one who had to tell her when she was in the hospital], so we knew the inevitable conclusion.

Well, now the disease has almost run its course and the doctors believe she might have a few months to live. I read it in a copy of a letter from the specialist to her GP [the exactly quote was, "she only has a few months to live"] and the fact she is going to pass away has suddenly hit home.

So, I don't know how to deal with this at all. How should I feel?

Just to make things more complicated, my grandmother has said many uncharitable things about my mother [her daughter] and my family. Nasty, below-the-belt things. I still feel some anger towards her for it, but then again, she's about to pass away. I feel upset that I'm still upset towards my grandmother saying these things because she's ill and it seems petty, but I can't deny my feelings.

Despite the above, though - I don't particularly want her to go this way, because she is still my grandmother.

I feel so confused and exhausted.

I cannot tell you how to feel, sorry.

Remembering the good times can allow you to live in the current times with a better understanding; it'll never make it (the situation) easier, but it may allow you to give penitence, respect and finality to the person you once liked. We change, but who we were [at the time] will always be written in time....

I felt exactly the same way when my Uncle died.
First of all no one can tell you how to feel, not even you. Just accept your feeling and work through them. This is something that you have to figure out on your own. Time will help.

Thanks for the replies; you're all correct, you can't tell me how I should feel. My emotions = mine, not even I can coerce myself into another way of feeling.