Past Friends - Not Being Able to Amend Things...

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I have a habit of basically burning every bridge that I cross. There are cliffnotes at the bottom if you'd prefer to skip to those.

Around 2006 or so I met a friend online on a music sharing website/program. He lived in America and me in Australia but we started chatting and became good mates. I have alot of flaws, one of which is being self-centered to a degree. He knew that and we still remained good friends. I tried hard to listen to him and show interest in his life, which was always exciting.

A few years ago, maybe early 2013, he realised that I wasn't worth chatting to. I don't seem to have kept our very last emails so I'm not quite sure what the real cause of our friendship breakup was. I just remember him saying that he has another friend in Australia who is going through some really hard times and needs his friendship more than I do.

Ending our friendship is not a knock against him. Perhaps my selfishness side was just showing too much. He wouldn't end our friendship unless I was being really childish in the way I was living my life or expressing things to him. He was always supportive and a truly great friend.

I really regret how badly we ended our friendship. He was the most supportive person in the world. Always chatty, always helpful, always there for me. And I for him. There is just a part of me that alienates people over time and obviously this is what happened between us. I just wish we could make amends but this is doubtful.

His email address is no longer active, neither are two people who might have it. There is another burnt-bridge friend who I am going to contact to check if she may have his email.

Cliffnotes/Summary: Made an online friend in 2006 and we would chat over MSN (I think) and email. Great person, always supportive. I am selfish in many ways but he was alright with that. I tried hard to listen to him and respond to his emails, asking questions about his life and trying to be a good friend. Around early 2013 he ended our friendship by stating that another friend in Australia needed his help more than me. Perhaps I was just being childish in the way I was living my life. I can't remember what brought on that email. He was always there for me, a truly great friend. I don't hold a grudge against him. I just wish we could make amends.

If any of you have similar experiences, feel free to share them. Any advice on how to move on from this would be greatly appreciated.

thank you for thinking of making the cliffnotes version there are more fish in the sea. don't put this person up on a pedestal as uniquely suited to be your friend, and don't treat his departure as a catastrophe.
I can't count the number of email/PM correspondences that went their course. I won't let it bother me because I know I did my level best to be a decent friend. it is a matter of frequency, there aren't too many other people that are on my frequency, that are compatible with me, and vice-versa. it took me 5+ decades to grok this, with lots of pain before I got to this point. I don't want you to make my mistakes.

Thanks auntblabby for your reply. You're fortunate that you did everything you could to be a good friend. There's no sense of regret. Maybe we weren't suited to being friends from the start as my self-centredness made it hard to follow what he was saying sometimes, especially in long emails. But I tried and he was always there.

I guess I can live without making amends there. I have many faults as a person and maybe we should have moved on sooner. The other person he was helping most likely needed him more than me so I can accept that.

there are always more people you can help in the future, as well as more people out there who might want to help you as well.

Thank you auntblabby. He was a friend but was very much a counsellor type of person (I think he may have went to a guidance counselling school at one time.) Any problems I had, he'd always be supportive, helpful and understanding. I hope he's alright, wherever he is. The other guy probably deserved him more than me as life can be very tough for some people. I take things for granted and his energy was probably best spent on someone who is struggling more and more down to earth.

I hope to contribute here and offer any helpful advice that I can. I may not have Asperbers, as it's never been diagnosed to my knowledge. But I can most likely relate to what many of you are going through and hopefully can help in some way.

since you are new here, I will warn you to be careful in the "Politics, Philosophy & Religion" and "love and dating" forums- those are very contentious places.

Yes, absolutely. I think on any forum the Politics and Religion areas are very well debated areas with strong viewpoints.

not only "very well debated" but also somewhat caustic at times.

Yeah, I wonder why that is. I guess if you think a way of running the country is bad then you want to fight for your beliefs against someone who thinks the opposite. I don't follow religion or politics but on the occasional news piece I do sometimes have an opinion about various things.

the thing about those two places is the people tend to take umbrage that you don't live like they do.

Do you have any examples, auntblabby?

Personally, I've been there and done that as far as getting into heated arguments on forums. Some newer or younger people might get very involved but it's a learning process. No need to take umbrage for a regular person living a regular life just because it's different than yours.

basically it amounts to "i jerked myself up by my bootstraps and joined the middle class, i got a GF so what's the matter with you that you didn't do like I did? you must just be a lazy crybaby, I've got mine so screw you, etc." -along those lines. a lot of them see people receiving benefits as moochers stealing their tax dollars.

No surprise that some people do mooch but obviously alot genuinely need the money to survive, e.g. people with severe autism who find it hard to get work. Strange that someone on a forum like this would be so judgmental.

I [in retrospect] knew high-functioning auties in the military, and they to a person were very much like that- picayune regarding rules and procedure, very intolerant of people they perceived to be "slackers" and distrusting of people with addlements or disabilities, very harsh and not willing to cut anybody any slack.

Yeah, intolerance isn't a crime and (to generalise a bit) it might be a common thing for people with autism and Asperger's to be very on point with rules/regulations. So on this forum maybe it's pretty normal to have the attitude you mentioned before.

I guess I am an atypical aspie in that I've long felt that rules were made to be broken, and I generally chafe at the straightjacket of rules which were made by and large by power-hungry people. I also react poorly to anybody who tells me I need to conform. conformity is just so middle-class.