Rejection isn't so bad

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Say the liars.

I can assure you after the 100th time of being discarded as unappealing it can break you.

The worst thing is seeing the person regularly, not knowing if people are talking about you behind your back. Are they laughing at me, do they think I'm as stupid as I feel.

Rejection definitely sucks.....

I hear you.

But...you can't give up the ghost.

rejection isn't as bad as:

- being eaten by a shark
- being sucked out the window of a small aeroplane
- losing your whole family in an accident involving a malfunctioning woodchipper
- having leprosy
- being diagnosed with a terminal illness

it's all about context

That's a very specific family accident

People who ridicule you because you express interest in them do not think you are stupid. They ridicule you because of their own insecurities.

I didn't mean him. I meant people we know.

As usual, your sense of humor is dead-on.

Rejection matters when we make it matter. Gotta ask yourself why you care so much about rude, insensitive pricks or the approval of people we barely know.

Because I believe my own opinions. Annoying people are annoying to me. So if I'm annoying to other people I must be annoying and so on.

I don't think there's really any such thing. Have you ever read philosophers like George Berkeley who deal with idealism? He writes about how something like heat is an illusion because you perceive it with your mind, and what's hot to you may not be hot to something else. I think the idea applies to what you're saying. You may annoy some people, but not everyone. So neither party is right or wrong. NT social style is annoying to people here--all that movement, expressions, gestures. But to NTs it's great. We're not wrong, they're not wrong. Their behavior is neither annoying nor great, because different people experience it differently. If you think you're annoying and that everyone will see you that way then you are the one making that choice, not other people. Of course you will be single then--by choice.

Yup rejection hurts, even if you have a healthy sense of self worth.
Maybe one of the hard parts is identifying the risks involved in approaching them, without becoming attached to the idea of the person because of the over thinking tendencies needed to figure out the social nuances.

But if it's true it's true. I know people that no one really likes... No one. At most people tolerate them. There are common factors in what makes a person unappealing as there are common factors in what makes a person appealing. That's the facts.

[quote. Of course you will be single then--by choice.[/quote]

Such a horrible thing to say btw. You don't know my circumstances. I'm not single by choice.

"I've been rejected and it hurts like hell."
plus
"I have some annoying traits that make people dislike me."
equals
Motivation for change..........

But
"Why can't people love me as I am? I shouldn't have to change to someone else's idea of desirable!"
Derails it.

I don't know if this applies to the OP. But I sure see an awful lot about it in WrongPlanet. We can sometimes be our own worst enemies.

I'm not saying you are single by choice, and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I was saying if someone chooses to think they are inferior and inherently bad/lesser/ugly/unlovable, then they are certainly telling others to not be with them.

Ok, I've calmed down. I can see how listening to the wrong people can ruin my self esteem needlessly.

I think I've got some immature people in my life right now. I'm thinking of breaking contact, moving away back to a town I used to live in and reconnecting with old friends who were more supportive.

I agree. If I am the kind of person who other people feel doesn't show an interest in them, I'd like to improve my conversational skills.

I do tend to be a story teller rather than someone who asks questions about people. I also don't know whether asking questions would be seen as interest or prying. Asking people questions panics me. I feel like I shouldnt ask and I will annoy them. I don't know why.

So I genuinely think that the men I like tend to assume I'm not interested in them personally and that I'm not a caring person. I can see how they would find me difficult to bond with.