Venting about drug use and anxiety

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For the past month or so I've been dependent on weed and alcohol to deal with the intense anxiety that I experience all day, everyday. My brain never shuts up and I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of having a full on panic attack, which has happened at work a couple times, even before the incident where I got groomed by a guy at work and my anxiety managed to somehow get even worse.

At this point I basically look forward to getting high and/or buzzed all day since it's the only time I don't have to deal with the anxiety. I go to work, get whatever else I need to do done, and then smoke or drink until I go to bed. I technically "function" relatively fine for now since I get things done, but it's distressing me that I can't get relief without using drugs, and I've recently been foregoing more and more responsibilities just so I can get high right after work.

I'm heavily disappointed in myself, but I'm just so desperate to relax and I don't know what else to do. Nothing else gets my brain to quiet down and have the anxiety stop, or even become manageable. It's even been making me suicidal the past couple of weeks, and suicide has never been so easily attainable until recently, so I'm getting increasingly scared that if I don't figure out how to cope and manage otherwise that I'll end up killing myself within a couple months. I can't handle the anxiety forever and I already feel like I can't handle it at all.

I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time.

Do you see a psychiatrist? Are you on anything for anxiety?

If the answer is no, you really need to find one and schedule an appointment ASAP.

Have you told your therapist how much you’re struggling?

I found a low-carb keto diet helped with my anxiety a great deal. 2-3 days of not eating more than 30g of carbs per day and I felt relaxed.

It's difficult to stick to it though. I have to drink coconut milk in the first 4-5 days to get through 'keto-flu' which is a feeling of weakness as you get used to it.

Aw that's not good. I hate to think of you in such a state. Speak to your T and don't feel ashamed either thats what they are there for.

I don't know if it's right or wrong to just stop what you have been doing just suddenly either because I'm no expert on this.

Do you get any SSI?

I ask because maybe it would be good to quit and find a different job that’s less stressful and doesn’t feel so triggering.

Omg how do groomers do that. He is the one who should feel ashamed, not you.

Have you thought about maybe writing it on a piece of paper and handing it to your T and telling them on the piece of paper that you are struggling to say it out loud because it is all making you feel ashamed.

You are so brave in telling us about this.