Sometimes I forget I'm autistic...

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And then eventually, inevitably, I am reminded that my attempts at meaningful conversation with neurotypicals always ends unsatisfactorily. It never quite leads anywhere meaningful. I was married for ten years and now that I'm divorced I have to accept that I will be alone for the rest of my life... That there is no more "us". Only me and them. I am a complete outsider. I am not capable of having a relationship with someone else unless they happened to be autistic. And I even tried dating a much older autistic man for the sake of loneliness and he didn't want to be exclusive. Why did God make autistic people? At my core, the essence of my being, I feel like a different species of human being.

I think that you are feeling very down tonight and are punching yourself in the face.
It's a very human thing to do, the average NT even does it from time to time.
We, auties, tend to punch ourselves much harder and much more often.

Hmmmm......I feel normal when I'm by myself. That is, I don't "feel autistic" when I'm by myself. Does that mean that other people are the problem???