Page 2 of 2 [ 18 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

pbcoll
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,892
Location: the City of Palaces

19 May 2008, 5:52 am

CanyonWind wrote:
Accepting that it's a part of aspie life, I'm wondering if there's a way to deal with it.

I don't think I'm a skilled enough actor to convince other people that I'm somebody besides who I am, and even if I was that good at faking, I don't think that would be a promising basis for establishing a relationship.

I think one fact is critical. I've found that something like maybe one to five percent of the people I run into don't think I'm stupid and aren't bothered by the fact that I'm kinda weird.

As far as I'm concerned, most people are a lost cause, but not absolutely everybody.

So between one in a hundred and one in twenty, something like that. In an environment like school or the workplace, that's not too good, but for friendships, you only need one or two people, and for boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, you only need one.

The rare exceptions might be far more significant than the rule, and the number of exceptions that are out there might be enough.

So I guess the question is: How do I find the people that are the exceptions?

It's been my experience that the standard advice stuff doesn't seem to apply. Things like common interests, or common beliefs, or common political views don't seem to have anything to do with how people respond to me. "Friends of friends" generally don't like me.

As often as not, the few people that have been glad to accept me as an individual have been people I would seem to have nothing in common with.

There are people out there who would be worth including in my life, but randomly sampling the entire human population sounds like it would be a discouraging job.


Wow, I feel exactly the same and my experiences have been very similar - the usual advice (common interests, friends of friends) just doesn't work.


_________________
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka)

El hombre es una bestia famélica, envidiosa e insaciable. (Francisco Tario)

I'm male by the way (yes, I know my avatar is misleading).


2ukenkerl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2007
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,277

19 May 2008, 6:07 am

Sora wrote:
2ukenkerl, I don't think alexbeetle meant you with his post.

Yes, it may be autism. It already puts the women off me, makes people generally treat me funny and strange. So the problem with males may be due to being on the spectrum.

Heh, my friend has a boyfriend twice her age now. I know there's an issue with ages and all, but I don't get it. But I probably don't have to worry about it, because I'm female and not male. I have the impression older males must really worry about such social rules (who's allowed to be with whom) a lot more than females.

Being female has it's advantages.


You're right there!

[sexist alert!! !]
Men generally want younger women because they may be prettier longer and/or more willing able to have kids and/or can be better "trophy" wives, etc.... Besides, there IS an instinctual tendency towards it.
[/sexist alert!! !]

Still, they probably want someone OVER 18 because she may be more mentally/emotionally mature, etc... Of course, if she is UNDER 18, some places really have a problem with it. In the US, if a girl's boyfriend meets her when he is 15, and he is older, they can do almost anything! As long as she is safe, unharmed, and happy, he is FINE! When he turns 18, he can be locked up for RAPE if he just ACTS like he is having sexual relations with her, EVEN if she LOVES him and is fine!

Like you though, I probably don't have to worry about that. Being male has it's DISADVANTAGES! :cry:

Still, I am not good with determining age.