Boyfriend doesn't care how he makes me feel

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Almost all guys with a normal sex drive are going to want to see other girls naked no matter how much they like their wife or girlfriends body. That's just guys. Angelina Jolie's guy is gonna be jerking off in the bathroom looking at a Penthouse. It happens.

Think of it the same way dogs are with food. No matter how much a dog has eaten he still wants more food. He knows you got that whole bag of food that he loves in the pantry and that you feed him every day at 5 and also give him your leftovers on your plate and he's not gonna starve and he's not even hungry but when you walk him he's gonna try and eat that roadkill rabbit just because it's there. He's got to at least smell it. It's just instinct. Guys are the same way with naked women. It's pretty much impossible for them not to look, not to want to look, and not to picture other women naked whether or not they would actually have sex with them if they had a chance.

I used to get real upset that my husband would watch porn and all and throw fit after fit over it. He just hid it better but I'd find it. Finally a guy friend explained it to me. It doesn't mean anything, it would be like women reading romance novels because they like the way the hero comes in and sweeps the main character off her feet and does all these wonderful things that guys don't actually do, and the girls boyfriend or husband getting mad about her reading them and thinking she's comparing him to the hero in the book. He's going to look at porn whether you like it or not. It has nothing to do with you. The more you go on about it the more it's going to bother him and if it becomes a huge issue it will make him much less tolerant of other things. Do you really want to lose him over porn? It won't be porn that you lose him over, it will be over something else unrelated but that will be because he will have gotten this thing in his head about you that you b***h about everything so no matter what you say it will be translated into bitching in his mind. You could say "Want some more roast?" and he will see it as you complaining he's not eating enough or not liking your cooking etc. Let the porn go. Really.

I know where you are coming from though. It's like if he really loves you, knowing how you feel when he does that he should not do that so that he wouldn't make you feel that way. He doesn't think that way though. He probably thinks you are being silly about it and since he does love you he just hides it better or doesn't do it as much around you.

Also, they won't really understand you comparing a small dick to small boobs. They will say they will, but boobs are nowhere near as important as their own dick, in any scenario, ever, so they just won't get it. I too have small boobs. I used to have c's till I nursed my babies and now I have small b's. Usually it's the other way around. I also don't have a butt. I seriously have a flat butt. I do not have the body I want and without thousands of dollars for surgery, I'll never have it. But I have a body that's better than some others, so I'll concentrate on my assets which are long legs that are really good and a flat stomach. I do have a good padded bra and those silicone inserts that I wear sometimes, with certain clothing to give me cleavage, even though my husband and everybody else who sees me everyday knows they aren't my real boobs, I don't care, I think it looks good that way. Also, I went to the Chinese store and bought one of those fake butts. It's like a big pair of panties with a soft foam butt in the back. You wear it over your underwear. It looks nice with jeans. You can work around that kind of thing.

Another thing, and folks can scream at me for being sexist or whatever, I don't care, but this is true. You can distract him from that s**t with blowjobs. Really. Guys really, really like blowjobs, even though most girls really, really don't like giving them. Just do it. It's five minutes out of your day and it makes him happy. Guys feel that they never get enough blowjobs, so if he does feel that he is getting his share of them, you will know that no matter how much he looks at other women he's going to be thinking "I bet she won't give me head as often" about them.

Ignore it, get a better bra, give blowjobs. I'm sorry if my advice sounds shallow, cold or stupid, but ask the guys here, I bet they will tell you that it works. Especially the last one.

It works for me!

Of course, it helps to wear a padded harness only if there is first something inside the harness to pad.

I think it's normal for humans to be attracted to lots of different things.

I also think it's normal to have brief feelings for people other than the person you're with. It doesn't mean you take them seriously, it just means your body is working normally.

I don't care if my boyfriends watch porn. Sometimes they need to get off when I can't be there or they're feeling solitary and need to get off or whatever. I don't really care about the reasons. The girls on the screen are just pixels that can be used to perpetuate mental fantasies. They aren't even real. Why would I feel jealous of them?

I watch porn occasionally. I don't think of it as cheating. It's just a quick and easy way to get off and move on with life. There are plenty of things to do, I don't always have time for sex.

Honestly, I don't understand why a guy in a (sex permitted) relationship would need porn.

OK-- mean tactless Aspie time.

OK-- motherless child time.

OK-- I was raised by wolves. Fine.

His behavior is annoying. It is perfectly acceptable to be annoyed by it. MEN-- GRRRRRRRRR.

Men look at boobies. MEN-- GRRRRRRRRR.

Men look at boobies even if they're perfectly satisfied with "their" boobies and madly in love with the woman they're attached to. MEN-- GRRRRRRRRR.

While we're snarling at men, let's set aside a big ol' cup of venom for a Hollywood/media culture that puts an absurd premium on a certain (uncommon) feminine figure, causes lots of women misery, and allows plastic surgeons to rake in millions of dollars for putting chemicals and toxins into women's bodies so we can all look more like that so-called ideal.

Ideal?? Really?? Ideal for whom, precisely??

**FEMALE RAGE FEST!! !**RUN AWAY, ALL Y-CHROMOSOME-POSSESSING HETEROSEXUALS!!**

I LOVE female rage fests!! !!

**deep breath**

Tell him it bothers you and ask him not to say it in front of you if that's what you really need to do-- you're in the company of the majority of 51% of the human race.

MEN-- GRRRRRRRRR.

Now-- Do yourself a favor.

**hug**hug**hug**

Because you remind me of my mother, who never got to enjoy liking herself, and spent her short 34 years of life cheating herself out of being happy...

Go stand in front of the mirror.

Say: "Men look at boobies. This DOES NOT mean that they don't like SMALL boobies. Men like boobies. This DOES NOT mean that they don't like MY boobies."

At this point, it would probably be a good idea to NOT think about the probable number of men that admire YOUR boobies every time you walk out of the house without a coat on. Trust me.

Say: "Men like boobies. This DOES NOT mean that MY MAN does not like MY BOOBIES. He's given me every reason to believe that they are, in fact, his FAVORITE BOOBIES."

Give the girls a pat.

Say: "They are good boobies. I'm glad I'm not going to have saggy boobies in 10 years-- when women with DDs have boobies poking their belly buttons, mine will still be on my chest. I will not have back pain, shoulder pain, and one-inch-wide bra straps from dragging my boobies around. The Boobie God has blessed me."

Smile at yourself in the mirror. For comic relief, repeat the SNL skit: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, I'm pretty enough, and darnit, people like me." Laugh at your reflection, and get back to living.

Do it every day until you believe it.

Because.

His comments are crass. Granted. MEN-- GRRRRRRRR.

But it's becoming well-known that a poor self-image ("I'm not good enough," which you said several times on the first page alone) is SEVERAL TIMES more disabling than Asperger's, and MANYFOLD times more common in Aspies than in the general population. It's also pretty well-known that poor self-image is more unattractive than small boobies (because, let's face it, unless he actually has a DD fetish, your small boobies win hands down just 'cause he gets to touch 'em; fighting on the other hand just sucks).

"I'm not good enough" is more of this problem than small boobies or his comments. Learning to say "Like hell I'm not" will do you more favors than a boob job and a boyfriend with better manners.

And yes, I HAVE been there-- until I nursed three babies, I was the vice-president of the Tiny Titty Club. Regularly got called "Sir" by people looking at my front side (despite having hair down to my butt). Asperger's has always been such a self-esteem problem that I haven't had the energy to worry about my itty-bitty boobies (now Cs thanks to a nursling-- though honestly the only thing I'll mourn when I wean the baby and go back to "Barely B" is that it's darn hard to find a small bra that puts function ahead of fashion).

Now-- chats, texts/sexts/comments and et cetera??

That's an entirely different arena altogether.

Me-- I flip through Hubby's phone and catch him sexting my chubby, curvy, DD BFF?? I shrug it off.

She thinks about it on a day when she's feeling feminist?? He's cheating.

Me?? I make a mental note to learn how to sext and read the text string again. Because my body doesn't bother me, but my sexlessness feeds my poor self-image and is an impediment to my need to be in a partnership.

Most women?? They feel threatened.

You're within your rights to tell him to quit that s**t or find himself getting nothing else, and YOUR boobies but a memory.

But, for your own darn good (not to mention the health of this and/or any future relationship), YOU NEED TO LEARN TO LIKE YOU. Inside, and out. You'll be happier-- and probably less stereotypically Aspie, too. I swear to pete, liking yourself outshines tiny titties and autism combined.

I may have read it wrong, but I thought she was saying that the chats were from a few days before they got together. So in that case how could it be cheating? I thought I read it that she was mad because before he got with her he complimented a girl on bigger boobs.

Have no prob with stuff with pron or pics, as well no prob with my partner being in a strip club for his "before wedding party", but seeking personal contact with nude actresses... nope, if he would do that, my Mr. needed to have some good explanations. The one thing is looking at some anynonymous girls, the other thing is trying to contact sexworkers. Last thing = Nogo.

As you say in my country: "It´s ok to get some appetite outside by looking, but eating is done at home."