Growing Up With Asperger's/Autism

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I posted a similar topic in the Adolescent forum, but I also wanted go to the Women's and possibly Adult. I know that everyone experiences things differently, and I'm curious about what it was like growing up for other women on the spectrum. I'm curious about first jobs, friendships, dating, family, school, college (or not), and driving, among other experiences. Did you know you had ASD? Were you happy with your life, at that time? Did you feel different from your peers?

I'm not trying to be nosy or pressuring anyone to write something that they aren't comfortable sharing. I'm just sincerely interested in the experiences of others in similar situations.

Jobs? Driving? I can't help you there. I've never been able to get a job, though I did do work experience which was exhausting. Just being corrected by people and having to do every little thing their way. I was better in the stock room but the dust made my hands break out in a rash. I'm just glad I've got two years on disability so I can try and get into self employment.

I never felt any different from people, which was weird because I was the youngest of 4 kids and my brothers and sisters all had their friends. I suppose I did have one friend but I didn't hang out with him that much at school. I used to hang around my sister. I knew I was shy but I always just thought that their was one shy kid in each family. Looking back I was a bit strange; always walking around lost in my imagination.

Was I happy? I suppose I was until I was 13. That was when high school started for me. I kind of was sick of my christian mother and sister being best friends with each other while I was just this weird moody thing that lived with them.
First person I went out with it was like we were friends that held hands. There really wasn't any feeling in it for me. With my second boyfriend I had a bit of feeling but was just so anxious all the time. I got severe social anxiety and a few months after we broke up I found out about AS.
I don't really want to date anymore. For one I usually meet people 3 hrs from my town. A long distance relationship is out of the question. I don't want to force myself to be overly social. And I don't like arguing. I understand couples have them to work things out, but I never really have deep and meaningfuls with my past boyfriends. I'm also too focused on other things to give any time to a boyfriend.

I grew up knowing I was different but I didn't think much of it. I still felt normal at times but still knew I was different. I didn't put much thought into it. I didn't really start caring until I was 10 and that was when I stated trying to be normal and fight to be treated like everyone else. I never knew I had a disability or a condition. I didn't even know my mind worked different or I saw things different or thought out of the box. All I knew was I had difficulty fitting in and relating and I just thought I had to try harder. I started saying at age ten what is wrong with me and saying I wish I could trade my brain for a normal brain.

Then when I was 12 I was told I had Aspeger's but I didn't know it was an ASD until I was 15. I never heard of autism until I was 13 and I didn't even guess I was on the spectrum. I found out when I was 15 and I was diagnosed with it in my early childhood.

It was hard getting my fist job because no one would hire me. I did some volunteer work in my teens but that still didn't get me a job. Then I helped someone clean their rental house and she gave me 20 bucks as a thank you and she recommended me to her husband who ran the folk shop to hire me to clean there so I worked there. It wasn't even an hour long most of the times but I still got money. I also worked in the school library and I tried finding other work when I was 19 and then someone decided to hire me for a trial. I had meltdowns because I hated when I had to change my route and do things that weren't part of my job and many guests complained about me because I didn't understand personal space. But once my mother told me about it, it made a difference and I also learned to ignore my feelings and that was how I got flexible and deal with change. I was just lucky to have a boss who was patient with me.

I was happy yes and also unhappy growing up because I was different and kids picked on me. I was depressed in my teens because of my family and the fact I wasn't understood by my peers.

I also found dating hard. I only had one prom date and I was just lucky. This kid in my school couldn't go to prom unless he had someone so he picked me because I had no one. I couldn't get any other dates because I was shy and no one ever asked me out. When a man be interested in me, he never asked me out, didn't ask for my number or anything. So I went online and found men and they lived within a few hours away, the closest ones. But when I moved to Portland, it was a hell lot easier because they were all in my area so I met a lot of them and we did some fetish play. Then I met my husband and I really liked him so we stayed together and dated and moved in together and then we eventually got married.

i wasn't diagnosed with AS until about a year and a half ago, so i'm still fairly new to this

first jobs
i got a job working in the kitchen of the hospital in my town, simply because it was close, and they payed over minimum wage. ended up quitting after 5 months because a few of my coworkers were treating me like dirt, and i couldn't handle the number of hours on top of school (my shift was from 4-8 pm, and more often than not, we'd get out late)

friendships
with the exception of a few, i was incredibly unlucky in the friend department until my sophomore year in high school. i am still best friends with my first true friend, a girl i met in 2nd grade, though, once i got into high school, more of my friends were guys because i could relate to them easier than the other girls

dating
i'm bi, so i had a girlfriend sophomore and senior years (same girl, she just moved out for junior year). we ended up deciding that we make better friends, and i see her all the time in college now.
march of my senior year, one of my best guy friends asked me out, and we've been together for almost a year now. it's kind of awkward, though, because he is NT and there are some times neither one of us understands the other, but it works out in the end

family
NT mother and sister, undiagnosed AS dad...we're dysfunctional at best

school & college
just graduated from high school this past june. school for me sucked, because i was treated like crap by nearly everyone in my grade, from kindergarten to graduation. college? i'm about to start my second semester at the local community college (college is sooooooo much better than grade school)

driving
18 and i just seriously started, even though i've had my license since i turned 16, mostly b/c we have a van that i can't see the hood of to use as a reference. just got a small car though, and i'm taking lessons at a driving school that works only with people with "disabilities," so it's not all that bad

Did you feel different from your peers?
of course i did

I think I may have aspergers, but I've never been diagnosed. I did not have any friends in high school and no one wanted to date me. Jobs were hard to find in my small town. I never learned to drive until I was 18, but I think that was because I was in three auto accidents between the ages of 11 and 16. I was scared to drive. I did have a few friends in college and a couple of boyfriends. I have been married for over 25 years now.
Back in the 60's, when I was in grade school, I don't think aspergers was even talked about.

I love how you did that grouping of topic
I'll do that, too.


first jobs
I was bad at showing up. I would feel guilty about it, but continued to do it when I felt too stressed. I'd say I was sick, but I'm sure it was mostly psychosomatic. I've now been in two life-skills programs offered to people in my age group and have a great job as a teacher's assistant. I recommend life skills programs for anyone who doesn't quite 'get' how to live on their own or cope with stress. It's like studying how to be an adult(one of my obsessions).

friendships
Popular in elementary, 5 years with the same kids and they enjoyed my wacky sense of humor.
Junior-Senior high - I was a social leper until I was taken in by a beautiful group of freaks when I was 16. I love them, still. Nowadays I have only one good friend I spend time with and I suspect she may be AS, too. Making new friends is too exhausting.

dating
Fell madly in love at age 18 and had my heart broken. He was beautiful and bad for me. I find it harder to find men attractive and don't crush very often. I value intelligence and wit. I have a son with an ex I was with for 3 1/2 years. I couldn't handle spending the rest of my life with someone who wasn't as smart as me, or as honest. I find it hard to meet and maintain love relationships.

family
Lots of fun. My mom was the dictator, dad was the court jester, oldest sister was the shy one with her own clique, second oldest sister was the bossy funny one, older brother I suspect has AS as well, youngest sister(estranged from me, only) is some kind of pathological liar/kleptomaniac.

school & college
Graduated high school in the top 20 students(I finally had friends or I could have been valedictorian). Had a difficult time with studying in university and failed where before I had excelled. I think it was my lack of study skills, since most things were taught in class and I only had to reread the notes once before finals to get honors marks. I didn't have the interest or drive to read the text book on my own in uni without rules or exact guidelines set out by the teacher.

driving
Bought car and got license at 18. I love driving alone with music.

Did you feel different from your peers?
Yes. I was misunderstood and mostly ostracized by my age group.

first jobs
my first full time job was as a trainee legal clerk in a law firm. Did ok, have moved up the ranks a tiny bit.

friendships
in primary school i just spent time with the same group of people that I was either paired up with by teachers or that approached me out of pity ( at least I think it was pity)
secondary school I was on my own a lot of the time.

dating
Didn't have any relationships (still haven't had any), guys did ask me out but only as a joke and some guys did the thing where they point to their friend and say "he likes you".

family
parents were ok, sisters shared a room for years and years and as a result argued a lot, I got dragged in to it sometimes. My brothers picked on me and my sisters.

school & college
I did ok in school. In year 11 I got the Award for Effort. I think it was for the student that improved the most. I didn't see it as big of a deal as others made of it. My parents were particularly happy because as a result of me winning that award they didn't have to pay school fees for me anymore. (it was a scholarship type deal).
Anyway in year 12 i got my VCE, mum made me take the provision of the safety net that is in place for students that need extra help (like people with aspergers) I didn't need to use the extra time. I wasn't going to take it because I thought it was like in the junior school exams where they take the modified class aside to do the same exam as the others but for more time, and they make you stay the whole time even if you finish it at the same time as the regular class does. that wasn't the case in VCE, you left when you finished the paper or at the end of the time allowed.
I worked for a year then started my Advanced Diploma of Legal Practice part time. 4 years later I finished it.

driving
Didn't bother much with this. got a learners permit , did a few lessons with dad didn't do anything after that.

did I feel different?
Yes I did, and the speech therapists and peadiatricians reinforced that.