Are there women who don't feel they fit...

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MissConstrue
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17 Jun 2011, 7:28 pm

- the average stereotypes when it comes to sexuality? For instance, I hear that most women are only attracted to a man's wealth. I'm not saying this isn't true for most women but for me and the women in my family, it has been quite the opposite. Most of the women in my family supported the men financially....but for bad reasons. We have a history of coedependency. Whenever it's come to attraction, money was not the first thing on my mind.

Am having trouble putting this in the best of words. I'm just curious, do any other girls on this forum feel completely different than the "norm" of female sexuality or feel they don't share the common stereotypes of what women "want" sexually or emotionally? I sometimes I wonder if I'm alone on this issue or maybe I'm a minority. Maybe being on the spectrum makes me less aware when it comes to the "rules of attraction". It's an issue I still ponder on and feel perplexed by.


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zen_mistress
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17 Jun 2011, 7:47 pm

Yes I hear a lot of how I am supposed to be a "gold digger"

and when I say I am not I am an "exception" because "most women are gold diggers"

and Love and Dating seems to be the centre where these ideas are exchanges.

I dont know if these men have been watching too many rap videos or watching The Playboy Mansion too much or what.

I think they believe that this is the average woman

Image

or this

Image


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puddingmouse
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17 Jun 2011, 7:51 pm

I've never been attracted to wealth. I have to support my partner a bit, but this may change. I don't want kids, so I've never looked for a provider.


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MollyTroubletail
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17 Jun 2011, 7:56 pm

Considering that I barely "fit" into the human race, let alone into the female gender of the race specifically, it's actually surprising how ordinary my sexuality is.

As for being a gold-digger, I wish I knew how to be one. I would then be able to afford to eat more than once per day.

My pet peeve is people assuming that because I look pretty, I am only interested in wealthy or gorgeous men. Since wealthy and gorgeous men won't approach me because I'm too weird, and poor and ugly men won't approach me because they think they're not good enough for me, I still wind up without dates!



purchase
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17 Jun 2011, 8:03 pm

Could not care less about wealth. I prefer to pay my own way, not that I am having any luck getting much income but anyway.

Am attracted to very sensitive people.



MissConstrue
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17 Jun 2011, 8:11 pm

zen_mistress wrote:
Yes I hear a lot of how I am supposed to be a "gold digger"

and when I say I am not I am an "exception" because "most women are gold diggers"

and Love and Dating seems to be the centre where these ideas are exchanges.

I dont know if these men have been watching too many rap videos or watching The Playboy Mansion too much or what.

I think they believe that this is the average woman

Image

or this

Image



ROFL. You know I see that so much in the media that it doesn't surprise me. I think it's one of the reasons why I leave the TV off.


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MissConstrue
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17 Jun 2011, 8:19 pm

MollyTroubletail wrote:
Considering that I barely "fit" into the human race, let alone into the female gender of the race specifically, it's actually surprising how ordinary my sexuality is.

As for being a gold-digger, I wish I knew how to be one. I would then be able to afford to eat more than once per day.

My pet peeve is people assuming that because I look pretty, I am only interested in wealthy or gorgeous men. Since wealthy and gorgeous men won't approach me because I'm too weird, and poor and ugly men won't approach me because they think they're not good enough for me, I still wind up without dates!


I don't think there's anything wrong if a woman is attracted to men with money, I just can't relate. From a social perspective it would make sense but for me attraction is both physical and emotional. I've asked other women like my sisters and they tend to tell me they feel the same way.


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Ilka
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17 Jun 2011, 9:30 pm

For me, a woman attracted to men only or mostly based in his money is a w.h.o.r.e. Period. Relationships should be based on higher standards. I left my mother down in that aspect. She expected me to marry a wealthy man, but I married the man I loved, who coincidentaly did not had a job when we got married. I also do not fit the femenine stereotype in many other aspects, but men feel attracted to me anyway. I think all those stereotypes are wrong and only misslead and hurt people.



pree10shun
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17 Jun 2011, 10:13 pm

No money does not attract me either...



shadowchyld
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17 Jun 2011, 11:09 pm

Ilka wrote:
For me, a woman attracted to men only or mostly based in his money is a w.h.o.r.e. Period. Relationships should be based on higher standards. I left my mother down in that aspect. She expected me to marry a wealthy man, but I married the man I loved, who coincidentaly did not had a job when we got married. I also do not fit the femenine stereotype in many other aspects, but men feel attracted to me anyway. I think all those stereotypes are wrong and only misslead and hurt people.


I'm not married to mine, but you just told my story pretty well there.... My boyfriend doesn't work, and it's a constant argument between my mother and I. It just happened tonight, in fact. My boyfriend got a citation for improper backing earlier, and she just doesn't get that I'm going to have to pay this if he can't find another way, or he will get his license suspended, and that will make my life even harder. Having a man with wealth and great looks would certainly make life a little more interesting, but I'm pretty good having to be the provider, seeing as he is much more emotionally supportive than other men I have been with in life. I think everyone's issue is just that he is like 24 years my senior, and they can't see why an almost 30 year old would take care of an almost 55 year old LMAO



Kiran
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18 Jun 2011, 12:21 pm

Wealth is not important to me at all. I'm a huge fan of Henry David Thoreau, so i have a very anti-materialistic view on life. Besides, i'm pretty sure the gold-diggers are a minority among women.


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Ilka
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18 Jun 2011, 12:53 pm

Parents always want to tell you what to do with your life. They simply do not understand you are big enough and you can make your own decisions. Actually I did not talk to my parents for about 5 years after I married my husband, I only returned when I got pregnant (pregnancy turned me VERY emotional).
Actually I was never the provider.
When I met my husband he had just returned from working outside the country. He returned because his family asked him to. But the economy was very depressed back then and he was not able to get a job. After he spent all the money he brought from working overseas, his family started to get mad at him because he did not have a job. He got really depressed. Back then I had a job plus a side job as a typist. My husband is a computer programmer, and he is a pretty good typist. Seeing his situation with his family I convinced him to work with me in my side job so he could make some money while he got a jog as programmer. His family ended up kicking him out, and he had nowhere to go, so I convinced him to move in with me. He did not want to because he did not have an steady income source and he did not want to drag me down. I convinced him by telling him he was working with me so he did have an income source, and with that plus what I was making at my full time job it was enough to make a living until he could get a full time job, too. Coincidentally, the same day we signed the papers for the apartment, he got a phone call for an interview and started working the week after.
I only made the decision of moving together because there was no other way and I knew he was not taking advantage of me, he was actually pretty cleaver and hard working, he was just going through a though patch and was very depressed. Your situation sounds more difficult than mine. My husband and I have always supported each other. I hope everything ends up fine for you.



Graelwyn
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18 Jun 2011, 6:25 pm

Wealth has never been of importance to me. I have only had a few boyfriends/partners, and none were wealthy, in fact, the opposite.
It never bothered me because I was always drawn by something else about them. The thought of their income, or lack of, simply didn't cross my mind as a factor. Loyalty, honesty and a certain level of devotion were always more of a consideration for me.



Ai_Ling
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19 Jun 2011, 2:51 pm

I think the gold digger stereotype comes from the expected gender stereotype where the man is provide and the women is suppose to be the housewife. Even though these days women work, its still expected that the man is suppose to make more. The way I see it, as long as the couple and their family is financially stable it doesnt matter whos bringing in more cash. As long as neither partner is simply lazily sitting on the couch not working and relying on their partner.

For example: my cousins a doctor while her husband doesnt make as nearly as much money but he still works. There family is well supported due to my cousins income as a doctor but my aunt and my mom were worried because her husband is not making much. Besides her husband has a health condition which makes his diet limited so he's not physically strong. But what I see is that hes a very caring man and seems like a good father despite the lack of income and physical strength. Their family is fine, they arent struggling financially.

For me, I want a guy who matches me education wise, intellectually and my ambition levels. I wont settle for less. I dont want to be a gold digger by any means, I want to be able to pull my weight. I remember listening to a few girls talking about wouldnt it be good to marry a rich man where they dont have to work. I didnt agree at all, I wouldnt be satisfied in life if I just relied on my husband. Money = power, I want the power in the relationship too.



Ilka
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20 Jun 2011, 12:39 pm

@Ai_Ling: Totally agree with you. Those women chasing money do not think about what's gonna happen when their husbands get tired of them and leave them. I've seen it happy. Believe me, it's not a nice picture.



mv
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20 Jun 2011, 12:55 pm

I'm more or less physically incapable of spending other people's money. Actively, I cannot do it at all; passively, I sometimes have to let them pick up the check (I usually pay my own way) but I feel icky about it, later, and wonder when I can spend an equal amount so as to even things up. I was the major breadwinner in both of my longterm relationships; it's not something we planned, it just kinda went that way.

I'm trying to get better about "gifts" as I get older, but my default position is that someone spending money on me, for me, or on my behalf sets up a dynamic I can't tolerate.