Not understanding what a crush, or love is? (girls only)

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ShadesOfMe
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13 Feb 2008, 3:42 am

Do a lot of aspies have this problem?

The aspie guy i like seems to have this problem. I just can't get him to understand what a crush is, or what love is. he seems to be very confused on this matter. because obviously he has romantic feelings for me, though he doesn't understand that he does, or really understand what I mean when i say i have a crush on him. when I say i love him, he understands, but other than that I feel like he's really confused.


do you have any ideas on how to explain? do a lot of aspies have this problem???


he also posts on here so... If you are reading this (I know you probably will) Trust me, you are confused as heck when it comes to this stuff.



MarchViolets
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13 Feb 2008, 4:17 am

I should imagine your post would confuse almost anyone, to be honest:

"I just can't get him to understand what a crush is, or what love is" followed by "when I say i love him, he understands"

How can he understand what you mean when you tell him you love him, if he doesn’t understand what love is (according to your post)?

"he seems to be very confused on this matter" followed by "obviously he has romantic feelings for me".

What makes it seem obvious to you that he has romantic feelings for you if it is not clear to you whether or not he actually understands the concept of having them at all?

Aside from that, I would suggest discussing it with him personally. If you need to tell him that he is confused ("Trust me, you are confused as heck") in a forum post, it would seem that you haven’t previously discussed your concerns with him in any depth before posting? It might also come as a shock to him to read this online with no warning.



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13 Feb 2008, 5:03 am

Love is a confusing thing to all.

No one will ever understand what it is completely...as it means different things to everyone.

My guess, hes just having trouble identifying what the emotions are. Either that, or he is in denial. Hey...just my opinion, i'm not an expert.


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MissConstrue
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24 Feb 2008, 1:18 am

As an aspie myself, I would take the hint. Maybe he doesn't know how to express his feelings for you. This has always been my problem. Have you told him how you feel about him? :heart:



ShadesOfMe
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24 Feb 2008, 1:19 am

MissConstrue wrote:
As an aspie myself, I would take the hint. Maybe he doesn't know how to express his feelings for you. This has always been my problem. Have you told him how you feel about him? :heart:


Sorry my original post was so weird, i could figure out how to explain it.

I've told him many a time, about my feelings. His confusion confuses me...:/



MissConstrue
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24 Feb 2008, 5:12 pm

I don't know, I know from experience that many aspies have a hard time expressing themselves emotionally or how they feel about that other person. It can sometimes take practice. You'll probably just have to be patient. It took me a while to date this guy I knew. I had a lot of trust issues. He was nice about it and we eventually started dating. If he isn't interested, you can always move onto another perosn who's available. Also, if you haven't done it, be direct with him. Ask him what he's confused about. What does he not understand. Sometimes with aspies it starts with friendship. Hope it works out for you two. :thumleft:



ZakFiend
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05 Sep 2008, 4:00 pm

ShadesOfMe wrote:
Do a lot of aspies have this problem?

The aspie guy i like seems to have this problem. I just can't get him to understand what a crush is, or what love is. he seems to be very confused on this matter. because obviously he has romantic feelings for me, though he doesn't understand that he does, or really understand what I mean when i say i have a crush on him. when I say i love him, he understands, but other than that I feel like he's really confused.


do you have any ideas on how to explain? do a lot of aspies have this problem???


he also posts on here so... If you are reading this (I know you probably will) Trust me, you are confused as heck when it comes to this stuff.


Just ask him:

Do you want to be with me?
Do you feel good when you are with me and we're talking?
Do you want to touch me/kiss me and it feels good when you think about it?

Get him to crystallize his own thoughts by being specific about certain aspects of how love is in the real world, i.e. how people behave towards one another and how they feel about themselves.



darkwhispersdale
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06 Sep 2008, 10:37 am

I don't understand if someone tells me they have a crush or love me I can't work out what they mean. I also can't tell if someone's flirting, being polite or trying to be funny.



Aurore
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09 Sep 2008, 12:02 am

darkwhispersdale wrote:
I also can't tell if someone's flirting, being polite or trying to be funny.


I have this problem sometimes. : ( But I do understand what people mean by having a crush or loving me because I feel that way towards lots of people.


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starlighter
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09 Sep 2008, 4:57 pm

Aspie men, sure really have difficulties understanding love with other persosn, that is a thing I experienced in my own life with some aspie males.
Of course they feel like the kind of attraction to another person, female in this case, like all of us do. But they don't really know how to demonstrate that.
Is like beinf 'trapped' in our own bodies with its feelings and sensations, that's aspiessness afterall. I, as aspie woman, can understand that a little, becuase female aspies also experience some kind of strangeness towards our own partners soemtimes, also. But in less intensity because our hormones I think.
But they(males) act showing their emotions more with actions than words, that's waht I observes. So they will need a very understanding Nt partner or other aspie female who lives in the same terms as him, but acts a little different.
But, although it can be a little frustrating soemtimes for the persons around him that he not shows or demonstartes his feeling towards his closest persosn soemtimes, it doesn't mena he doesn't have them, he does, and he can also suffer very much realizing that he's uncapable to show it properly to a possible partner, but maybe is the lucky girl knows all of this ( she's aspie, or she's very understanding, or she's clever) she can make it easier for him to communicate with people and specailly with hers, ... they may be get to be a loving couple, that's for sure, :heart:



LeKiwi
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09 Sep 2008, 7:50 pm

All I can say about love is you'll know it when you feel it.

I always struggled with the concept because my friends all had these enormous crushes and were falling in and out of love... I just didn't get it. Then I met my other half and BAM, there it was. Love.

It's a good feeling, well worth the wait. :)


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