How are you supposed to respond after someone praises you?

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SquishypuffDave
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29 Aug 2008, 8:22 pm

When I was little, I took swimming classes. I was having a hard time with the backstroke, so the teacher kept trying to explain it in different ways, and one day I finally got it and did an apparently brilliant backstroke the whole way. Then afterwards, one of the mothers complimented me on it, and I didn't know what to do, so I ran away and jumped in the pool - with my clothes on. Next time someone compliments you, my advice would be not to do this.



lionesss
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29 Aug 2008, 9:05 pm

I have a hard time taking in compliments. I am not sure if its because my self esteem is low and I have a hard time believing it or what. But if someone compliments me, I just say "thanks" and try changing the subject right after.


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sinsboldly
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29 Aug 2008, 9:13 pm

you know, I have read all of these responses, and never once has anyone said how they register the compliment INSIDE of them.
Sometimes I think we want to avoid the idea we accomplished something. Maybe we are embarrassed because we brought attention to ourselves and cringe in the feeling of all eyes on us. Perhaps it is enough that WE know we did well.

what do you do when you know you have accomplished something worthy of praise and there is no one around to have to deal with?

Merle


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Mw99
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29 Aug 2008, 10:28 pm

I often feel offended when someone praises me for doing something that comes easy to me. If I know that I'm good at whatever I was praised for, then I don't need reassurance.



prillix
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29 Aug 2008, 10:38 pm

My last girlfriends family were kinda unsure about me, especially her brother and sister. Well one night i planned us a nice supper at a restaurant, i even ran around and picked up candles and stuff and made it look all fancy. Afterwards her sister came up to me praising me about how they were wrong and its very nice what i did for her etc etc. Well i stood there and said, "Oh cool", i had no clue she was expecting me to say thanks or something. After that night, her sister disliked me even more. lol



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29 Aug 2008, 11:07 pm

Mw99 wrote:
I never figured that one out, but whatever I ended up doing, I always got the feeling that I had done the wrong thing, just because of the uncomfortable manner in which people reacted after they observed my response to their praising. Not knowing what to say or do after I am praised is one of the reasons, but certainly not the only reason, why I dislike being praised.

When someone praises you,

Are you supposed to act humble?
Are you supposed to remain impassive?
Are you supposed to downplay your accomplishment?
Are you supposed to toot your own horn?
Are you supposed to praise the other person?
Are you supposed to thank the other person?

or

Are you supposed to do or say something else?


I try to be humble, and thank them!

If I feel I don't deserve it, I downplay it.

If I think THEY have done well, I SAY SO!

There HAVE been times where I have done ALL THREE!



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29 Aug 2008, 11:45 pm

I try to be humble. but i have gotten annoyed with peoples compliments because a) it was to do with something i found simple or b) i didn't think i deserved praise
c) i thought they were lying.



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30 Aug 2008, 9:18 am

I never know what to do! If you smile and agree or say, 'yes I am good at that' they sometimes get a bit miffed. 'You're showing off' or something like that. I usually go bright red, stare at my feet and make a mumbling sound. In the Netherlands, they ALL boast about their skills, more that they are proud of their skills and they don't hide like Brits and Americans do! I wish it was more like that here!


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30 Aug 2008, 12:25 pm

I used to just ignore it. Like, not reply at all. Not smiling. Not acknowledging that I've even heard it, because I'd just not know what I'm supposed to react to it. Nowadays I guess I smile and make a weird sound. I'm very bad at saying thank you. Probably because I have this belief that you should only say thanks if you appreciate something. I feel awkward by praise, so I don't say thanks. This is probably not the best way to go about it, however. But that's what I do. I'm trying to start using "thanks" more. We'll see, though.



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30 Aug 2008, 12:30 pm

Downplaying the complimented thing is what I always end up doing, simply because I find their compliment incredibly awkward since I have uber low self esteem.
It's always okay to say 'thanks' or 'that's really kind of you' though.


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demoluca
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30 Aug 2008, 12:50 pm

'Thank-you'


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whatamess
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30 Aug 2008, 1:22 pm

So the more I read, the more I realize why everyone complained...

A friend always used to say to me "you can NEVER take a compliment"...he coached me much about this...hehe
I would always end up saying something like, "no, my hair is actually horrible...or but my stomach is sticking out (although nobody else saw it), etc..." He always told me that a reaction such as that was very negative towards people...



sinsboldly
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30 Aug 2008, 1:26 pm

I have watched troops of apes and chimpanzees constantly groom each other. That is how I see people who give compliements and are forever commenting on shoes and hair and styles and chatter chatter chatter. . .they are all virtually grooming each other. .

Merle


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Palek03
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30 Aug 2008, 7:07 pm

Just a "thank you" and a smile. Works very well with a girl or an older (40+) person. :)



ASDMOM
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30 Aug 2008, 7:14 pm

I am supposedly NT and that has been a difficult issue for me all my life. When I am praised I feel embarrassed. I blank out. I don't know how to respond. I say thank you but I am still left with the feeling I should say or do something else. I try to change the topic!



EnglishLulu
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01 Sep 2008, 7:26 pm

Simply thank them is the best response.

Likewise if someone pays you a compliment, if someone says they like your shirt or your hair or whatever, the appropriate response is apparently thank you.

I always used to be humble and dismissive, until I learned that's the appropriate response. Sometimes I still slip back into my old self, but I always try to remember that if someone praises you, you're supposed to be appreciative and grateful in some way.

Afterall, if someone says well done and that they think you just did something really great, and you say, no, it was nothing, I don't actually think that poem I wrote/that picture I painted is that good, actually... what you're actually doing is challenging their judgement telling them that they're wrong, and that could be offensive and rude, it's like you don't believe them, they're judgement is awry...

So it's better to accept praise and compliments with grace, a smile, and a thank you.