Asperger's and Being Childfree

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It certainly is, and it is very annoying.

I'm 100% child-free. Never wanted them, never will.

When close friends have kids, I celebrate along with them. It's a very personal choice to have them...but in this day and age, it's a choice. The whole idea of pregnancy, birth, and 'being a mommy' just never sounded like something for me.

AS-wise, children grate on my nerves very easily. I can tolerate their exuberance in small doses, but their shrieks and endless energy wear very thin. I suppose for someone who doesn't have ultra-sensitive hearing, the noise is easy to ignore after a while, but I can't tolerate it.

It's best to either ignore that, or start distancing yourself from those people altogether. Maybe they're doing it as an escape from their own secret feelings of inadequacy.

Not by choice but, at 44, I'm too old. My cats are my kids.

I'm turning 27 and I still haven't felt any desire at all to have children. I can't imagine having children of my own. I think it would drive me nuts, so I'm not planning to ever have any.

It annoys me how people keep asking me when I'm going to start having children. I don't get it why people assume that everyone wants children and that it's just a matter of time before I start feeling that "natural female desire to have children".

I'm not going to have any, but its more a case of not thinking I could cope with it than not wanting any. I have a huge anxiety problem resulting from my aspergers, which CBT has helped me to control, but its still always there... I also slip into depression from time to time. I need peace and quiet and lots of time to myself to keep these problems under control, and with a young child I wouldn't get that... Then I'd be worried about the effect my mood was having on the child... and the whole thing would spiral. Also, both my mother and her mother suffered severe post-natal depression, (for which my granny was given electric shock therapy).

In short, its not a lifestyle choice, and I kind of resent the suggestion that it is. I wouldn't mind putting my social life on hold or taking a career break.

I have "normal" sexual desire and am in a relationship.

I decided to take my genes out of the gene pool when I was a teenager. I haven't changed my mind since.

I've never had a maternal pang in my life. Cannot conceive (pardon the pun) of me bringing up a child, getting it ready for school, making its tea, making it go to bed, worring about who its friends are or aren't. The whole of the daily minutiae of having a kid boggles my mind. I have trouble looking after a potted plant, let alone a child.

I don't really like kids either. Never have. I don't think they are interesting, or charming, or cute. Other women coo over babies - what is that about? I honestly haven't got a clue.

I like my solitude too much. I've worked hard and been careful financially so I can pretty much do as I please. There's no way I want to give all that up when I've only recently found a sort of peace. The disruption and the stress would not be a good thing.

I have vaguely considered egg donation, but it is not a pleasant process. But the thing that put me really off was that any child born via that route can, at 18, obtain identifying information about the donor (under new-ish UK rules). There is no way in the universe I'd want that to happen. I understand the child's need to know of its biological roots (after finding out I was AS, I would think it might be a similar need to know and comprehend what you are) but that ruled it out for me. I would only reconsider if my sister wanted kids and couldn't have them.

I definitely want kids, but many people I come across don't want kids, and I heard in my population geography class that the "traditional" family is starting to become a thing of the past.

I can't be with someone who doesn't want kids.

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 18 Feb 2009, 9:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I like that way of putting it...pretty much the way I felt when I was sterilised, at my own request, age 22 (though there is much more to that than just AS). Never regretted it...

I love kids, for some reason I was pretty good with them too, last time i checked (LONG ago) and if the circumstances had been right I probably would have adopted or fostered, but no way was I going to reproduce...I would find it just as easy to relate to a child I didn't give birth to...maybe even easier?

M

I voted 'yes,' but I don't think it is that simple for me. In my case, I don't think that I could ever be happy in a situation in which I was pigeon-holed into a scenario that involved the constant obligations on my time/structuring my time around others that a family and children would entail. In other words, it is not so much that I reject procreation on principle; it is more a matter of not wanting the physical and mental drain of caring for, and bending to a wife and child.

You cannot take the WP out of Tim_Tex! topic

Welcome back to WP! And I mean it.

The kid does not always stay in the picture topic

I did not plan to have kids, nor did I plan to be childfree. They just happened. I did not plan to have a man in my life, as I found it too difficult to do the multitasking of being both wife and mother. For me, having a man meant adding another piece to an already completed puzzle.

My NT siblings and my oldest NT daughter have chosen not to have children. This is a choice that is individual and personal.

I could never handle children of the human variety. Kids are too sneaky and unpredictable. I loose my temper too easily and need to do my own thing. I'm tottaly clueless when it comes to kids. I NEED quiet. I have too many breakable valliuables and I would tottaly loose it if a child broke one even accidently. When my brothers' kids come to vist, my bedroom and studio are tottaly off limits. I made up my mind when I was four (maybe even 3) that I didn't want kids and my mind has never changed.

Wow! This is amazing. I just figured out today that I probably have mild Asperger's. All my childhood issues make so much more sense now. This post in particular, and its outgrowth really hits close to home for me.
I have never ever understood the desire for children. I don't like them. I can't fathom wanting that responsibility. Nor can I understand the desire to be pregnant. How very unappealing! I've had so many occasions when someone walks into a room with a baby and every other woman goes running over to coo at it. I feel like a social pariah because of my lack of interest in children and especially babies.
Just last night my friends and I had a toast to my impending sterility. I actually found a doctor who is willing to sterilize me and I am thrilled! I am looking forward to relatives rudely inquiring about when I'm going to start a family. Usually I just respond by saying that I'm not interested. Of course their response is, "Oh, you'll change!" No I won't. I can hardly wait to say, "Oh, I can't have kids. I'm sterile." When they respond with pity I'll just tell them it was my choice and watch them slink away uncomfortably!