The autism social rule book.

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I'm glad you said skirts instead of the generic non-bifrucated garments, I can still climb ladders in my kilt, right? :p

Hmmm... Where I work, talking to oneself seems to be the rule, rather than the exception...

^ I knew someone would mention kilts! I don't know if they would count as skirts or not, they count as like, manskirts... manly, manly, manskirts...

i guess i'm what you call a stubborn aspie.
i don't believe in all these rules, it ticks me off when people do that to me, i'd like them to be honest, so that's what i do.
anyone know how to work on forcing the social norm?
i'm still new at this.

205. Don't be afraid to ask people things (this applies to me aswell). I don't know about you but sometimes in a conversation if somebody's talking about (for example) their dog, don't be afraid to ask them something about their dog so it can prolong the conversation and make you sound more interested. This applies to me - when I was younger I used to make average eye contact and smiling but used to just say ''um'' and ''yeh'' and ''that's nice'' and ''really?'', ect. Now I try to ask them things, like for example:-
NT: I've got a new puppy. We've named him Harry and he's so soft. He jumps up on my lap a lot
Aspie: Arr, that's so sweet. ((sound enthusiastic and interested))
NT: Yes, he's beautiful.
Aspie: What sort of dog is he then? ((feel free to ask questions like that))
NT: He's a Jack Russel
Aspie: Ah, bless. ((now give your opinion)) I like Jack Russels ((or, if you don't really like them much, say you like a different type of dog, even if you don't like dogs at all.)) I like Alsations - I think they're nice too.

I don't know if you find it easier to ask them questions during a conversation, but personally I'm not very good at this. I think of a good question to ask in my head but feel too embarrassed or unconfident to ask.

206. If someone does not call you back or answer when you call, do not call again and again to make sure. Modern technology is wonderful, and the odds of missing a call completely are slim at best. They will call you when they want to, and calling them repeatedly does not help. (From experience :-p)

207. Train in a martial art. Learn self-defense.

That is so right especially if one has ADHD (hyperactive impulsive type), like I do.
This is what I wrote in one of my previous posts.

208. Don't leave in the middle of a conversation when somebody speak to you, even if you are not interesting.

209. Don't say to your family (or friends) that they are useful to you when they ask one of their qualities.

210. Don't say a wrong answer in class when you know the right answer.

211. Don't take your own utensils when you eat at a restaurant.

212. Respond when somebody ask you directly a question.

The harder is not to know all of that but is to do it properly...

I think this would be a little to hypocritical, even for an NT. It doesn't help the person at all and it doesn't make work more efficient.

Here are a few of the rules that enabled me to survive as long as I have:

1. Always dress very conservatively.
2. Speak only when directly spoken to.
3. Look a person directly in the eye...and nowhere else.
4. Attend a social gathering only when explicitly invited.
5. Do not approach a stranger directly. Let a trusted third party make the proper introduction.
6. Avoid being alone with any woman other than your wife or recognized girlfriend.
7. Speak to any woman (other than a blood relative) only with her husband or boyfriend's presence and consent.
8. It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt.
9. Always speak the truth when asked.
10. Treat everyone with the proper respect.

Which may be appropriate for you but certainly not for everyone, as I'll explain:



Well if it's the company of conservative people that you keep, for sure. But not all of us like the company of conservative people.



Depends on your level of confidence.



Erm, no, that's staring - and creepy. Look away every few seconds, and look at their lips as they speak too.



Yep.



This has to do with your level of confidence in talking to strangers. For some it's not an issue.



Then how do you get a wife or girlfriend in the first place?



A little extreme. Again, if you find it necessary, fine, but I don't.



Yep.



No, not if brutal honesty would be inappropriate in a given situation (eg when asked "Does this dress make me look fat?"). Only do so if you can be diplomatic about it.



Yes. Of course.

213. Offer suggestions, not advice.

That is, don't tell people what they should do. Offer them a different option, but do it in a humble way, allowing for the possibility that your idea may not be appropriate (even when you are certain it would be). People tend to be attached to the choices they make, and you need to be diplomatic about presenting them with new ideas. It can also be good to ask them first politely, "Can I offer you a suggestion?", and don't push it on them it if they don't want it.

Well said

3. Look a person directly in the eye...and nowhere else.
that is very diffcuite to do i disk like looking at peoples eyes!!

4. Attend a social gathering only when explicitly invited.
even if i'm ask to go i disklike going too many people around. to noier to.

214. When visiting someone, be aware of the time. They will NOT tell you when it's time to leave, you must take the initiative and preferably before they start wishing you'd leave. If you're a really bad timekeeper, look for clues like them yawning or asking what you're going to do with the rest of your afternoon or saying they must remember to do such-and-such later. If they say, "I'm tired. I'm going to head for bed soon," you've definitely overstayed your welcome.

215. If someone's bagging their parents, siblings or relatives, even if it's a close friend, don't agree with them. They are just upset, deep down they love their family, and you will end up looking like a prat. Just tell them, "You're upset." Or remain silent and then change the subject.

216. If you can't remember someone's name and you think you should, ask a question like: "So, what's news in your part of the world?" Hopefully they will start talking about something they've mentioned to you before and it may jog your memory and you will figure out who they are.

217. Even if you don't respect a person of authority, show it. I've learnt the hard way that society doesn't function without catering to people's egos. Everyone works hard to get where they are and they expect others to respect their station and pay appropriate obeisance to it.

218. Don't tell people that you don't shower every day or that you pick your nose or wear the same underwear twice in a row or that you do anything else that NTs would consider gross even if you think it isn't.

219. When you're with people who have a family member or friend who's terminally ill or has just died, the safest thing to do is to keep your thoughts to yourself and remain silent. Your presence is the only thing they want from you at that point.

220. (I just thought I would end on a round number here). When listening to other people, clear your mind of yourself, put yourself in their shoes and try to imagine it's YOU talking and what you'd like the other person to ask YOU. This will get you more success than you think for such a simple and easy concept. It works!

This is one of our problems while meeting our friends/relatives in their house. So correct .

Moral: Don't interfere too much in other's people life especially when you lack mind reading/empathy.


I also had time learning that. For men it is very important to be physically strong because we piss people off with the lack of our empathy/mind reading and this may work for women also to some extent though.

In other words, do not abase yourself. I used to do it also because of ADHD(hyperactive impulsive type).

In other words, it is better to keep quite than to ask foolish question. An aspie might ask technical details about the person health condition or perhaps ask all the medical reports out. That is not required anymore when the person has died.

Same is the case when you are talking to someone then you should imagine how would you have felt when someone said that to you.
Lovely suggestions bt creativeinfluenza, I hope all aspies here get infected with influenza of your creativity .