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dobrolvr
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23 Apr 2012, 10:26 am

So, my first appointment is today to help determine whether or not I have AS and I am beyond nervous. So much so, that I keep debating whether or not I should even go. I want to go, because I want to know for sure or not, but one part of me is scared that it's not AS, but something else, while another part of me is somehow nervous that it may actually be AS. Not that having AS is a bad thing, it's not, it's just that it seems like an entirely new identity or something. I mean, I know I'll still be me, but I'll have this sort of label. Yet simultaneously, I want it to be AS so that I feel like I actually fit. Is this common? Or am I crazy? I feel so torn right now. I have no clue what to say or what to expect.



Frakkin
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23 Apr 2012, 10:31 am

I know how you feel. I have an appointment in a few days, and I feel conflicted. I guess you should just understand that regardless of the outcome, it doesn't define you. There are plenty of people you'd fit in with, AS or no AS. I'm not good at comforting, sorry. Just try to stay calm and remain objective so you can be accurately diagnosed.



dobrolvr
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23 Apr 2012, 10:41 am

Don't worry, you helped. And, thanks. Hopefully we both get things sorted out.



RazorEddie
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23 Apr 2012, 1:05 pm

Quote:
I want to go, because I want to know for sure or not, but one part of me is scared that it's not AS, but something else, while another part of me is somehow nervous that it may actually be AS. Not that having AS is a bad thing, it's not, it's just that it seems like an entirely new identity or something. I mean, I know I'll still be me, but I'll have this sort of label. Yet simultaneously, I want it to be AS so that I feel like I actually fit. Is this common? Or am I crazy?

I know how you feel and I haven't even tried to get a diagnosis yet.

Good luck if you haven't yet left. Let us know how you get on.


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kirayng
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23 Apr 2012, 4:29 pm

I had the same concerns as you did and now that the evaluation is over and a diagnosis has been made it's a mixture of relief and sadness. Let us know how it goes for you. I was pretty lucky in being recognized and subsequently tested in a manner consistent with Asperger's.

I am very happy to know this now and it's true if you think you have it, you probably do so take heart there. :D :D :D



nebrets
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23 Apr 2012, 4:51 pm

If you can relax. For me I was supper nervous but it was great when I got to a person who pretty much specialized in autism stuff and really understorey me and did not in any way criticize me or act like I was making it up, or that I was just normal but blowing things out of proportion (like my dad does sometimes, but he is doing better-ish).

I hope that everything works out for you and the person you are seeing does everything possible to make sure you have the right diagnosis. After all if I just went by the MMPI I would appear to be a paranoid schizophrenic, and I am not schizophrenic at all, and most of my "paranoia" comes from social anxiety. My doc also did not criticize me by saying that everything was just 'normal' stress.


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Polarhound
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23 Apr 2012, 7:41 pm

I had my diagnostic appointment today as well.

Along with the other paperwork and tests they had me fill out ahead of time, I brought a copy of my journal as it explains in a lot of detail some of the same questions they were going to ask me.

At first, one of the doctors said, "I think I got everything I need, I won't need the journal" and handed it back to me. I told them if they weren't using it to please shred it since the only reason I made the printout (about 67 pages) was for that appointment. She came back to me as I was leaving and said, "Since you went through the trouble to bring it, I'll look through it."

The other doctor displayed some skepticism over my thoughts on why I was there, saying that what I described would be best off going to a therapist. I explained why I chose a neuropsych first, hopefully he got the idea.

Most of the tests were not hard for me. There were a couple of the spatial and cognitive questions that I stared dumbfounded at, but most of them I figured out fairly quickly. The computer-based ones were an exercise alternately in frustration in monotony.

One test was the computer reading off strings of numbers at a progressively faster speed. I had to add a + b, give the answer out loud, then add b + c, give the new answer, c + d, always adding the new number to the second one previously given. Of the 4 sets, I think I did best on the 2nd and 3rd, with the 1st being getting used to it, and the 4th could make some people scream in frustration.

The other test was the height of boring. For 15 minutes, the computer would flash a "1" or "2", or say the worlds "one" or "two" over the speakers. The entire test consisted of me only clicking the mouse on the 1's and one's.

I honestly have no idea what diagnosis they will come up with for me. Whatever it is, I see it as a starting point to move forward. If it turns out to not be Aspergers, and rather something else, I'll take their professional judgement into consideration and take a hard look at everything. The guy I saw and his wife are actually the creators of at least one cognitive testing system of their own that has had positive reviews thus far.