Why is stimming considered a "bad" thing?
I have tinitus from the continual loud pitched squealing of a 12 year old autistic boy. I have been bitten viciously by a 12 year old autistic boy. I see stimming simply as a lack of regard for others.
There is a BIG difference between simply being different, to having no self-control and no regard for others in your company.
I'm fed up with autism being used as an excuse for all kinds of inappropriate behavior. Just today, I asked my partner why she allows the 12 year old to sit with his legs as wide open as he can, feet on the sofa, an erection in one hand whilst poking her breast with the other. I said it is not right to allow him to masturbate right next to her. She said it is a stim!! !! !! !! !
Hear hear.
I share the same frustration. I always try and not bother other people and try and control it. Also that mother could have told her son to go in his room and do it. If he needs to do it, tell him to go to his room to do it and it's a place for him to do that stim because it's inappropriate and a private thing.
But not all stimming is bad because it's if it's harmless, no big deal like hand flapping or pacing. But I try not to pace often in my apartment because I live above someone. Just as long as the stimming won't be loud and distract others, no big deal. Like in high school, I did not rock my chair because it would squeak and bother the whole class so I just rocked my body instead where it was quiet. I also made sure to not tap my foot and that I did it quietly so it was not making a sound.
stimming in private is totally ok, even public stimming is ok if the stims are socially acceptable (bouncing a ball). Unusual stims are not something that most people can relate to , therefore it confuses people, and it looks weird. Therefore it could negatively impact one's social life , therefore sometimes stimming can be a bad thing.
It's basically something people are going to have to accept about me. I don't doubt that it may look weird, even sometimes to other aspies, and I'll often get a reaction of "what are you doing?" or "what's wrong?". But people who truly understand me and give me a chance should be able to look past it, and at some point if I get a serious job I'll probably have to explain why I make hand movements like that. Thankfully for me, it's nothing that could be seen as THAT seriously disruptive or inappropriate. I definitely feel bad for those of you whose stims could get them in serious trouble.
Most stimming that I see is of a repetitive nature, for long periods of time. Did you know that this type of thing was used as torture to prisoners of war? If those of you who stim and say that it is harmless, the only person not harmed by it is yourself. The people around you eventually feel tortured by it. Please bear that in mind next time you are in the company of others.
They feel tortured by me tapping my foot soundlessly?
If they feel compelled to stare at me all day instead of getting on with their lives, that's their problem, and calling it "torture" is a little overdramatic.
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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I
I can't speak for everyone, but my stims tend to be in short bursts. And if someone points it out, I generally stop. Really, my main issue is that I don't notice that I'm doing it until someone tells me. I certainly am willing to empathize with people who get overwhelmed with my stimming, as long as they aren't rude about it. After all, I have my own sensory issues. But again, at least my stims aren't of the worst variety.
I have tinitus from the continual loud pitched squealing of a 12 year old autistic boy. I have been bitten viciously by a 12 year old autistic boy. I see stimming simply as a lack of regard for others.
There is a BIG difference between simply being different, to having no self-control and no regard for others in your company.
I'm fed up with autism being used as an excuse for all kinds of inappropriate behavior. Just today, I asked my partner why she allows the 12 year old to sit with his legs as wide open as he can, feet on the sofa, an erection in one hand whilst poking her breast with the other. I said it is not right to allow him to masturbate right next to her. She said it is a stim!! !! !! !! !
I take it you are nowhere on the spectrum, so I wouldn't expect you to truly understand stimming. To be clear, biting someone wouldn't generally be considered a stim. That was probably part of a meltdown, and most certainly inappropriate. Perhaps someone had tried to stop that boy from stimming.

Do you not scratch when you have an itch? Doesn't it make you feel better? What if you had a really bad itch, like a mosquito bite, and someone decided that it was socially unacceptable for you to scratch in public. Since it's unacceptable behavior, they try to make you not do it, no matter how bad the itch is. And, due to the nature of the itch, it only gets worse and worse, until that itch is the only thing you can think about. And the more you think about it, the worse it gets. Don't you think that would drive you a bit crazy? You wouldn't be able to concentrate on a single thing until you were able to scratch that itch. Now consider that stimming is a way for autistics to scratch a mental itch. It's soothing, calming. It makes things better when something doesn't feel right. It helps us focus when there's too much going on. It can also be a sign of happiness. Try not smiling when something makes you want to have a big grin on your face. Stimming is as natural to us as smiling and scratching is to just about everyone.
Self control? Sure. Most of us, as we get older, learn to control our stims. I try to control my rocking when I'm in public. It still happens on occasion, but it could be worse. And, dammit, I like it! It feels good. Stimming has a purpose. It regulates. Those who say stimming is a purposeless action is simply clueless. I have lots of stims. I do them for different reasons. And most people don't even notice them because my "odd" stims (wrist flicking, rocking, spinning, etc.) are done when no one can see me. There's your self-control; most people wouldn't even know I'm on the spectrum at all. My AS is fairly mild, however, and it's not as easy for everyone. But I do have it, and if someone really has a problem with it, it's their problem, not mine.
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-- Wokndead --
AQ:38 -- Aspie score: 147/200 -- NT score: 55/200
"I remind myself of someone I almost met at a party I never went to."
"Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried slamming a revolving door."
[aliens]They mostly come when stimming. Mostly.[/aliens]
Taking stuff apart to see how it works, every techies urge --> "Wow! I wonder how that I-pod is set together... Where is that screwdriver?"
I did not know this, but describes most of my childhood and that same curiousity has followed me into my adult life.
My stims are mostly innocuous, and whilst they've attracted comments and the occassional curious question, I can't say I've offended or caused awkwardness for anybody, that I, errm, am aware of.
At one time when I was a kid, I did get accused of being belligerent because, instead of blinking, I used to sqeeze my eyes shut. I was repeatedly told to stop by my teacher and other adults.
My wife knows when I become stressed as I repeatedly tap my fingers to my thumb. Both hands. I'm usually unaware that I'm doing this.
Apparently when I'm deep in thought my eyes dart every which way. Stimming? /shrugs.
When I'm really excited I become theatrical with hand gestures.
The most severe one I guess, and I rarely do it, is that I'll put my hands at chest height and repeatedly use adjoing fingers to rub the webs. Hard to describe, but is the one that gets the most attention.
thay do a fidget way
but
even then
people stil
dont
like
repetitive fidget and tic behaviors
if u do any repetitive behaviors tic behaviors or fidget behaviors
pepole wil
A: stare
B: tell u to stop
C: bully u
or D: all above
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diagnosed with autistic disorder.
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