Why do I feel the need to be an open book?

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I have a hard time deciding which things to keep private and which things to share... I tend to want to share because people like that kind of thing, but I have a hard time anticipating how they will react... This has led to a fair share of awkward moments... Now I tend to oscillate between over-sharing every minute detail of my life and living behind a brick wall...

I'm not sure it has to have anything to do with honesty. It could but it doesn't for me. If provoked and asked how I am feeling I am able and willing to say I'm fine. I almost never respond with anything else.

Saying nothing isn't a lie to me. I reveal things unprovoked. I don't feel like I'm lying when I say nothing and people don't ask me anything so blurting things out compulsively without an provocation isn't being compulsively honest for me.


I'm sure many people on the spectrum reveal things to avoid being dishonest but that's not the only possible reason for the behaviour mentioned by the OP. It isn't the reason for me.

If there's something I'm unsure about sharing, I'll just sit on it for a few days, and think about it.

A reason for sharing would be to get feedback from others if it's a problem I'm struggling with (and can't come up with a solution myself), something I'd just like to discuss, or something I feel might actually help them in their own lives.

If, after a while, none of the above apply, I keep it to myself.

There is always the "can this be held against me later?" question, which I always consider VERY carefully. If the answer to that is "yes", it overrides the other three criteria.

Yeah, I'll also always say the same thing when someone asks me how I am. I say "I'm well, thanks, how are you?". Most of the time that question is more like a ritual preformed at the beginning of conversations than a genuine inquiry as to how you're feeling or your health and well being. I don't consider it dishonest or wrong to answer that way. Nevertheless, I do reveal too much about myself to the wrong people and at the wrong times. For me it's more of an issue of not knowing what's appropriate to say when and to whom than a need to always be honest. This is what Callista was saying, I think, it's just a matter of not knowing what secrets to keep and when to keep them.

No, I never meant to imply or say that is the only reason. I just asked a question and then gave a reassurance just in case.

I think this is a big part of it. Less boundary between yourself and other people and not thinking about other people judging you or thinking differently than you. Also too much honesty simply because honesty is communicating and not being honest communicates nothing.

I used to have huge problems with this when I was younger, and to be honest, for a while it was the AS symptom that impaired me the most. I used to have very inappropriate boundaries around others in general and would reveal far too much about my private life with friends and aquaintances. When I talked about this stuff, I knew it may have been inappropriate, but didn`t realize that things like this tend to form a continued impression upon people. I didn`t think it would have an impact on the people around me and how they viewed me...but in retrospect, I do know and that`s why I try to exercise my boundaries when I can. I also craved close emotional friendship and I didn`t know how a strictly platonic emotional connection with another person usually developed.

I believe it is part of our quest for the truth. We need all the facts to understand something. Therefore we also give other people all the facts. I don't necessarily see them as "personal", I see them as facts. When discussing something, to hold back on facts is pointless to the conversation if we are trying to understand something. It just becomes fake, and filled with holes and leads to misunderstandings and trouble, in my opinion.
Then again, often telling all the facts can lead to misunderstandings and trouble, too.

Me also.
I tend to tell nothing, or everything:)

Me also.
I tend to tell nothing, or everything:)

Me also.
I tend to tell nothing, or everything:)

Me also.
I tend to tell nothing, or everything:)

I was like this until 2009. That was when someone I trusted started using the information I provided them with to harass me very persistently, ultimately precipitating depression and anxiety.

There is a reason why you should hold your inner ideals / memories / hopes / goals and whatever else close to your chest and not show everyone. Just because life hasn't taught you this the hard way yet, don't provoke fate. First consider how much of a toll it would take on you if (a) the valuable secrets you share are turned around and used against you, (b) if hopes/dreams/ideas you shared were stolen and plagiarised from you by someone you trusted, (c) if cherished memories you shared were assaulted and distorted by others, etc.

All these things and more happened to me by a person I really trusted (my uncle), and now I learned the hard way to keep my mouth firmly shut and play my cards close to my chest.

There are bullies and sociopaths everywhere who can seem like friends but actually seek their own advantage and can get quite a powertrip out of hurting a naive person like you.

This is part of what I meant earlier, by 'overly scrupulous honesty.' It sort of ties into the detail thing too. But the honesty quest isn't only about not wanting to lie or be seen as a liar or whichever. It's also being impartial about things which others might hold back for fear it makes them look bad.

And again, I was never saying that there is one uniform reason for it, any more than any NT would have the same reason as every other NT for a given behavior or personality trait.

I think a good rule of thumb, which I think someone has already said though, is, if in doubt, wait a day or two before sharing something. The other person will probably still understand what you were trying to say. And you may save yourself personal embarrassment, or a power play by someone unscrupulous misusing that personal information, down the line.

I used to be extremely like this too. I then, though late in life, learned to be more cautious. I'm still learning how much is enough.

True, sadly enough.