A close friend of more than 30 years killed himself

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I just received an E-mail from him his wife less than an hour ago. I really don't have any details yet other than he had disappeared last Sunday with the car and had not been seen until he was found today. He apparently left some kind of note.

What is boggling my mind in this case is that he never gave anyone the slightest impression of having any kind of pathology whatsoever. He may have mentioned on an occasion or two that he had been feeling depressed - but he never hinted that it was a serious or clinical level of depression. In fact he was generally thought of as a fun kind of guy - certainly much more so than I am. He had retired only last year with a very healthy pension of no less than $5000.00 per month. They had a house bought and paid for in entirety. I'm sure he had at least a few hundred thousand dollars additional in the bank or investments.

He called me on the phone less than two weeks ago. He mentioned that they were probably going to sell their current house and move to Italy where his wife is from or find another place in the states. He did not give the impression at that time of feeling down. He sounded like he was making plans for the future.

Sorry, but this truly boggles my mind.

I am sorry you lost your friend. only he knows what he was going through. for those of us who pray, let us pray for the survivors. for those of us who believe, let us also pray for the spirit of your late friend.

We're sorry to hear that.



Sweet Pea hugs



Something like that would also boggle my mind.

Sorry to hear that r2d2. Must be mind numbing not knowing what tipped him off. Can't imagine what his wife is going through either. Poor soul.

I had a friend who I meet in boarding school and he killed himself at 23yo. BTW! his parents are millionaires and own a company. When I knew him (he was 15yo at the time.), He was a loner and always keep asking the question "Why am I here. There is nothing in this world that I want?". He was the only true friend I ever had in school and I think I was his only friend as well.

Try not to let it boggle you.

People who talk of killing themselves are looking for attention. Most suicide attempts are a cry for help.

Only two types actually pull it off.

1. People who "get lucky" when all they wanted was for someone to stop them.

2. People who fully intend to do it, and they don't tell anyone lest someone tries to stop them.

In the latter case, you won't get much warning. They won't advertise it. The best warning sign is that they go from being sad/depressed to "at peace" or "happy" and they suddenly give prized possessions away, put their affairs in order, etc. They make a plan and carry it out with purpose. Since these things are innocent looking in and of themselves, people overlook them.

I am so sorry to hear this. I would be boggled too.

I'm so sorry for your loss, r2d2.

I'm so sorry for your loss, r2d2, it's a terrible shock when something like this happens.

I had an eerily similar thing happen almost ten years ago, regarding a friend who similarly seemed happy and his suicide came as a shock. zer0netgain's remarks on that resonate with me, now.

Whenever I hear of a suicide it touches me deeply because I've been that desperate before. And yeah, I told no one I was attempting it. I guess it's just one of those silent tortures a person goes through without letting their friends and family know.

I don't have a source for this, but I once read somewhere. It makes a lot of sense and I think it applies here: when someone kills himself without any implications that he is suicidal it means he is extremely serious about it. What I mean is, if you REALLY wanted to commit suicide you obviously wouldn't tell anyone about it because they would try to stop you. If you want attention and/or are not too serious about it and deep down want help, then you'll mention it to someone. I have literally never mentioned suicidal thoughts of my own IRL because I really, really don't want to talk to anyone about it and/or receive any attention. You head over to Tumblr.com and everyone talks about it all the time. I think that your friend had thought about it for a long time beforehand and knew that if he told anyone then they would stop him from what he really wanted. I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry. It is awful to lose a friend.

Had a friend who's tried it a couple times, but luckily failed both times.I couldn't imagine the feeling of loosing him, and deeply sympathize with your current situation. My condolences.

I'm so sorry for your loss, r2d2. I sent-up a prayer for you, and am sending you cyber ((((hugs)))). It would boggle my mind, too----please keep us posted on how you're dealing with this.

Actually it varies sometimes people who are serious about suicide will talk about it, or if they just want an end to the pain and feel suicide is the only option...doesn't mean they are just looking for attention, help maybe but its probably a good thing to look for help when you're having problems sometimes. I have mentioned it when I am actually concerned about attempting and succeeding....because when I first attempted I didn't tell anyone, no one expected it but either way I failed. Also yeah I don't like when I feel death is the only option and in a sense I don't really want to die would just prefer end to pain....but doesn't mean I want a bunch of sympathy or attention either, a bit of understanding is fine....just don't think its very smart to assume someone isn't serious if they mention it or to say only people who aren't serious would do that as that could encourage people who need help not to get it lest they be accused of just wanting attention and treated as someone not to be taken seriously.


I do know sometimes people struggling with depresison and suicidal thoughts won't express it, might seem to be quite fine...I have done that myself.

Sorry to hear that, but yeah difficult to really explain why someone does that...I've tried and its still hard to define exactly why, except a vague concept of being in too much pain, not wanting to burden people with it and what not. Either way don't know if you are doing this but I have heard sometimes people close to someone who commits suicide can blame themselves .....well try not to do that, because its unlikely its anything you did....and there is nothing you really could have done to fix how they felt most likely.