I need to discuss my feelings in a safe space.

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I see that now...yes my mistake, my apologies.

I feel like the ethics and stuff just isn't up to us on this forum. That's between you and your employer etc. Would I personally get this close to a kid? Definitely not. Is it ok for you to? Not really for me to judge. There are other people in your life better situated to make this judgment (not me, not us on here). That's my opinion anyway.

I can however give you some advice regarding what would help keep you emotionally safe and better able to do your job without these kinds of stresses. I can't really speak to the kid because he's not present and can't speak for himself. It's a rather complicated situation imo. I don't see the line between "right and wrong" being as clear-cut here as someone like AceOfPens sees it, but I don't consider myself without moral compass by any means (nor do I see a cautious and emotionally distant approach as necessarily a bad one; it's probably similar to how I'd approach it myself). I do believe in calling people out when they've done something wrong (sometimes), but at the same time I often don't feel it's my place to do so, which is kind of a paradox I guess. I usually leave the moral questions for others to figure out on their own (I don't like parenting other adults, lol, that's just me). It's not that I don't care, I just feel there's more of a personal choice thing there and I don't like to tell others what to do.

I think part of that has to do with the fact that I am just going by what you're telling us, and don't know the full situation in all its intricacies. The thing I can tell for sure is you've caused some problems for yourself by getting this emotionally involved with the kid. I have no idea what the kid or his family's side of it is like but it doesn't sound like anyone else has been hurt quite as badly as you (if at all). From what I can tell you have been doing (mostly) good things for the kid and his family.

Eyelessshiver, I think it's like you said before. I was assigned to work with this child in multiple settings. I didn't cause the shutdown and when this all happened, this kid still needed someone to help him with his school work and his teacher had enough on her plate with the other 24 kids plus creating and posting assignments. I helped out as much as I could. She would handle math and I would create the reading assignment that she would post. I went on with this kid and helped him all day with his schoolwork as my job. It's not my fault I enjoyed it so much. But yes, it is hard sometimes when you look into the homes of the kids and see that they are left with teenagers while the parents go to work. Nothing against teenagers, they're great but they're not parents or even adults. I mean think about it, would you really want to go to a bunch of teenagers who picked on you if you were hungry or your head was pounding and you were a little 10 year old kid? My thinking is you'd be like him and go to the nearest adult for comfort and support, which is where I continued to come in. I could've been more distance and said "I'm sorry you have a headache right now but we need to get this done. Just work through the pain like I have to do when I have a headache. You're fine. You're hunger is not important right now, just get back to work so we can get this done." But that's just not me. Yes I encouraged him to keep going and fight through the issues, but I was much more kind and compassionate in the way I went about telling him to do so. I always would say "I am so sorry your head is hurting you right now. Why don't you rest your eyes for 5 minutes and take some deep breaths to relax and we can resume then. I'll set a timer." Or if it came to food I'd say "You most certainly can go get some food. Eating is important for you to concentrate." When he asked me how to make a taco I told him. I said "Put the meat in the microwave with a cover on it to avoid splattering for about 1 minute. Take it out and stir it up. Remember don't put the tin foil in the microwave. It's metal and will break it." I also told him like it was a lot of times like a parent would. I said "Listen, if you keep eating gummy worms and chocolate donuts all day you're going to get another bellyache. You need to find some better things to eat because I don't like it when you have a belly ache. I want you to be healthy because I care about you and your wellbeing is important to me." I would also message his mom telling her how he was feeling and doing each day. I know it's a mouthful, but that was our adventure.

Right, thank you for sharing. And from what I gather, all of what you did is totally in line and reasonable. What's wrong with any of that stuff, and what kind of good person would act much differently in the situation? This is why I don't see the problem being with your actions necessarily based on what you've told us, but rather with the fact you weren't prepared for there to be a change and then things came apart for you. I think it's a big assumption to make to say that you were moving towards some kind of predatory behavior. That's jumping to conclusions and I don't think that's right. It's actually not at all uncommon for teachers and other mentors to become involved in kids' lives and to develop actual (gasp) feelings for them. People don't need to have some knee-jerk reaction and start pointing the finger that people are predators or something just because they connect with children, that's overreacting and it's based on fear, not necessarily reality. Just because you ended up caring about the kid and feeling some love for him and sadness when you're cut off etc doesn't mean you're trying to take advantage of him.

My son is 6 and has ADHD. I hope that he can find a supportive adult like you when he goes back to in person School this Fall. A person with ADHD can be terribly annoying to some, and an annoyed person may not treat the ADHD person with the kindness they deserve. Your patience is wonderful.

I also have a niece with ADHD. She’s now 21. She and her family have always lived a few states over. I’d say I started a real aunt/niece relationship with her when she was about 10. She has had a hard life, and I am sad to say that I don’t think the way my sister raised her has helped. It’s hard to come to love a child, but have no control over their welfare. You want to step in and be there for them, but you may not be allowed to, for whatever reason. I haven’t talked to my sister in a long time, but my niece texts with me periodically.

I say loosely stay in touch with your buddy. Maybe check in once or twice a year. He can contact you if he needs you. You’ve made a big difference in his life, so this isn’t letting him down or letting him go.

Then find another kid to help. Your buddy has already benefitted from your care. Someone else is out there who needs you as much or more than he did.

And please consider having your own child. Your story sounds to me like a person who has strong parental instincts and would be happiest getting to devote more time to caregiving.

I agree with the posters who say that the OP is a decent person and not some sort of “predator.”

I wish I had a lady like the OP when I was a lonely child.

Just btw the internet is not known for being a safe place ....... just for your information . Had to learn this the hard way myself ... plz be careful .

Thank you Piepulp. I just want to say that I don't want obsessive control over this kid to the point of hurting him. Aceofpens, you referred to my behavior as that of "The Kindergarten Teacher" movie. I never planned nor will I ever form a plan to follow this kid into the bathroom to stalk him and offer to babysit him but then lie to his mom and take him far far away to places other than where he is supposed to go. I'm not even going to his house. I just want to visit him once a week to play a game with him and console him of his problems. Maybe give him a hug if he needs one. I'll even wear a mask and have my temperature taken if I have to. It's not weird behavior, it's just that I'll do what I have to if it means being allowed to see someone I care about. It's not about kidnapping, it's just about giving a child a REAL mentor. Not someone who will only come 2-3 times a year when it's convenient and yes, his well being is very important to me. You're right, he doesn't like being controlled. I found that out already over the past 2 years working with him that he doesn't want to be told to do his work or anything. But, if you build a relationship with him like I did and show him that you do care about his needs, you understand that when he has a headache or a stomach ache that it is hard for him to keep going, and you're always there when he needs you the most, then he will do what is asked. It's simple, if you show him respect and compassion than you will get the same. You will even have more than your fair share of laughs with this kid which is great because during really stressful days, everyone needs a laugh or two. I'm very sorry that some pervert/predator abused the power of being a caring and trusted adult toward you. That's not who I want to be to this child.

The last time we didn't deal with a member's obsession with a minor, it escalated into a dangerous situation. I hope it doesn't happen with you, and maybe it won't, but I will have warned you to guard yourself against the consequences of your dependence, which is all that I intended. No predator considers themselves such, so intentions really mean nothing in the end. I just hope that you set a few clear boundaries to limit the damage for everyone involved. Write them down on paper - these things that you're sure you'll never do, and hold yourself to them. Don't talk badly about his family to him. That's the big one. Make sure that he understands that he has other relationships in his life other than the one you are offering him. Never let him question that fact, and never try to make your relationship more "special," e.g. telling him that you understand him more than anyone else or that you will offer him comfort when no one else will. These are the common tactics used by predators. They are used with the best intentions, but they're the first really damaging moves you can make.

"I'll do what I have to if it means being allowed to see someone I care about." I don't know how far you will go to enable your dependence on him, and that worries me. Since you seem unwilling to even entertain the idea that your good intentions could lead to abuse, even though you have already crossed professional boundaries, I do not see it ending well. Those boundaries exist to protect children, and you have already shirked them.

"If you build a relationship with him like I did and show that you care about his needs, you understand...and you're always there when he needs you the most, then he will do what is asked." This is it. This is the point. Don't abuse this - emotional power over a child. My predator didn't want to be what they were either. They had all the best intentions, just like you do. It means nothing if you don't set and honor boundaries.

Many predators don’t care if others consider them predators. And some glory in the fact that they are predators.

The OP reminds me more of a teacher from Victorian days who had a maternal interest in a boy student.