Are we as concerned about social mishaps as NTs?

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I know that there are so many differences between ND and NT folk, but I would postulate that one area where we are more or less the same is being worried about appearing foolish in social interactions. I say this because, somewhat paradoxically, our social awkwardness stems from the fear (e.g. What if I put my foot in my mouth? What if I offend someone? What if I forget someone's name? Etc. etc.) I can tell you that during moments of social awkwardness, these fears have coursed through my mind.

While NTs may feel these fears as well, they don't seem to get "drowned" in them as much because they are running the same communication protocol, as it were. They can navigate their vessel through shifting currents with relative ease compared to us.

Trouble is, when we ask for advice to deal with this sort of thing, we are likely to get an NT-biased reply like "Just don't overthink it, just be yourself and people will be drawn to you."

Depends on your conditioning, ego, and the rewards system wired within you.


The NT assumption is the initial intent is equals to behavioral outcomes.

No processes, no in between. It's subconscious, instinctive.
One just feel, look at this scenario, think whatever intent, then *walla~* outcomes!

No clarifications and elaboration of any kind of explanation where or what the arrow line even is, between the two points.

They do not tell you the in-between and just "trust yourself" -- that's because their processes are largely the same.


Thus, without that in between, it just comes out as some sort of behavioral management or deliberate masking.

With the conditioning associations that this behavior or action is good or supposedly good, and with a mismatched rewards system.

One would get a very conflicted ego. With a scenario of either X or Y, never both.
And that's not sustainable.


The issue lies not with NT/ND, but underneath both -- but the human aspects of themselves.

The human reaction to social failures and successes isn't 100% wiring.

A good portion of it is socialization and associations.
The wiring itself is simply responsible as to how that socialization is registered and performed.

The rest is basically survival instincts, which resides on a deeper level than just neurological differences between NTs and NDs in general.
I mean most people had to, seeing all humans started out as helpless infants.

Only a few truly outgrown that system...

... Or born without one.
They're likely NDs, yes, but they're not specifically autistic. They have a different rewards system most certainly.


I don't see caring something social as a special category on it's own.

No different than I see someone caring for someone's craft to a point of addiction, or someone's headcanon on some story and ended up debating over it, or how much someone's sexuality mattered to a point of bigotry, or just how anal-retentive they are to sue anyone who looked at them wrong.

Kinda how I spend chatting or writing and expressing is no different than me picking a game or a project to craft.

Maybe because I don't have that socially-dependeny system in me.
But I'm autistic, whose outcome is asocial.

My social drive is boredom. I only start worrying because not of my sake, but for business sake at work.


Obviously, not all autistics are asocial.
This forum is an evidence.

So most autistics, when socialized, are most likely be bullied.

Those with your standards social dependence system, they react in fear and the associated inferiority that came with not socializing well.
With all that loneliness and fear of social mistakes. With all that complexes.

They crave the "you're one of us" bit. So if they got offered friendship if they did whatever behaviors, they likely comply or do their best to tolerate.
Thus they cope on the open. They're more mindful of audience.
That is, if their sensory system lets them. If their cognitive systems lets them.

But if their performance doesn't par off with their perceived pressures, social anxiety is no surprising outcome.

And regardless of their perceived social pressures, if they don't have a lot of accessibility or work around, and unintentionally create more countless social mistakes when they prioritized not having more -- living in anxiety won't be a surprise, really.


Those who don't have that socially dependent system just punch their way out of them. Or leave. And just don't want to be bothered by any parties.
May seem more socially rigid, because offering them friendship wouldn't phase them as much. If they hate that person, they hate them. End of story. Could care less who's watching or not.

But don't cry because they don't have friends or someone on their side -- unless their ego has a thing or two that associated having someone mean being more right or validated them, or getting included means access than, say, "you're one of us". Or socialized in their head that friendship is a must -- which can be realized and overcame overtime instead of something stable or fought internally over, with the exception for emotional sentiments over individuals...

That didn't meant they have no concept of embarrassment or shame.
That just registered differently. But not for social reasons associated with what other people thinks, but for personally associated reasons.

They still have the same human fundamentals. Most humans still uses the same socially dependent systems within them to survive, to a point social death scares them more than actual physical death.

Main difference is that the asocial could care less about the old system that they had to rely on as an infant -- or don't have that at all.


So going back to the topic at hand...
If we autistic are more concerned about social mishaps as NTs?

If the autistic still has the same socially dependent system, they very much likely cared more than NTs do.

Because many NTs distance themselves a little from that system. Not 100%, but like I guestimate about 30%.
Enough to handle independence, hostile parties and heartbreaks. The remaining 70% is still associated with survival or success, enough to cause and feel loneliness with how that will affect them.

Along with that, associated socializations -- affirmed through getting romantic relationships over friendships, their cultural prioritizations and so forth.

Only a few would go further than 30%.
Usually, those who do, usually many ended up with mental illnesses -- because they couldn't perform a systematic overhaul.
They may still operate on that 100% or more than 70% socially dependent system.
And thus why for some of them, getting into a good relationship or being super charitable or "go out and socialize" became their cure; provided if extroversion isn't their coping mechanism

But those who succeeded that went from 100% to less than 70%? That requires a lot of breaking, akin to a systematic overhaul.
They stand out hard or become recluse. Likely diagnosed with personality disorders.
Or deliberately into spiritualistic paths.


An autistic? Either forced to go beyond that 30% less socially dependent system -- but like many humans ended up with mental illness, can't.

Wanting to not care in every social faults, but cannot help but -- mostly because that's how they're socialized.
Thus the road is either more masking or accomodate that systematic need by going to places where people will accept them, acceptance of loneliness that won't let them fill that need, or transcendance from associations and the need.

That is to say, didn't mean asocial autistics don't have their own challenges.
It's just not centered around the thoughts of socializing and relationships in a sense.


Me? I was probably born with >50% less socially depend system.
Any personal and egotistical associations I acquired tied socializations are just in my head than the human in me.

To a point I even questioned if social needs itself is something that most humans had perpetuated and passed on throughout the generations, akin to some sort of survival tech tied into their survival instincts than something more standalone but just as inherently human.

But enough to have attachments and feel parting. Enough to sense and discriminate. I just don't have it prioritized in my head.
Enough to have it considered as an option at all, like interdependence minimum.

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By default, I'd assume no.

But, I'd anticipate a lot of us have trauma related to social mishaps, which likely results in a hyperawareness of potential mishaps.

I would think generally speaking we're likely to be more concerned about social mishaps than NTs are because we've had more of them and, not being stupid, we're wary of making further blunders. It's called social anxiety isn't it? The kind that's rational.

I worry too much about embarrassing myself because I'm very sensitive to embarrassment. I hate when people tell me to just not care what others think of me, I really do. Like it's that simple. Caring what others think of you is a normal human trait and a survival skill in society, and if I suddenly woke up one day and made myself no longer care what others think then where would I draw the line? I can't just stop being embarrassed or stop feeling what other people feel or stop caring if people like me or not. I do care, probably due to my rather low status in society and normal desire to be accepted by people but reduced likelihood of achieving that because of shyness and a weak personality. So telling me to just stop worrying what people think of me is very unhelpful advice.

I zone out & daydream a lot & am too much in my own head to worry much about social mishaps. It may appear to others like I worry because I'm introverted, quiet, & prefer others to take the lead with things. Some of why is because I either don't care &/or my mind goes blank during the situation & I don't know how to respond to various social things. I have a very slow processing speed sometimes & I suddently think of things I could/should of said or did sometime after maybe a week or a couple decades. I don't usually feel much embarrassment though. Some various things in my life would probably have been a lot better if I was more concerned & self-conscious.

I have a vague memory of this but I'm really shy anyway so my main barrier has been that

Asperger people tend to be more deliberative than NTs who seem to be more reflexive. Social interaction can be difficult for someone "flying" on manual control. However, it can be made easier by having mistake recovery tools.

I encountered a guy once who had what I would call a great radio voice. I asked him if he had eve been in broadcasting. He said he had some offers, but was apprehensive about making a mistake. I told him that everyone makes mistakes, the key is to have good recovery tools.

Consider the broadcaster after making a mistake who might say;
Whoops, that one got away from me.
Sorry, I was sick the day they taught paying attention is school.
They were right, I shouldn't self-administer Novacaine.
It can be fun to experiment with a new way to pronounce a word.

While it can be difficult for a deliberative person to act reflexively, there are tools one can have available to navigate in those waters