Your ability of rational reasoning at a very young age

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I have a question about your ability of doing something I'm hereby allowing myself to call rational reasoning - one developed at a very (!) young age. When I was a child (starting from the age of 7), I often read (for example in the articles on psychology in women's magazines belonging to my mom) that kids - like me back then - and even teens don't have the ability to judge things rationally practically at all - I mean, the repercussions of their behaviors etc. That's why children and even adolescents, as those articles claimed, can't predict the outcome of their behaving like this or like that - they are practically 100% unable to do this. One develops this ability between their twentieth and twenty fifth year of life - this was what the typical statement on this issue delivered by the authors of said articles looked like. And I never resembled a typical child/young person from the typical picture of one, presented in those magazines and later in psychology textbooks I started to read when I was 13 or 14 (I borrowed them from the local libraries): I NEVER rebelled against adults as a teen (it's as if you expected an adult to rebel against their parents), I NEVER EVER took any risks and it was so ever I was a very young child.

I remember this exquisitely well - my very first memories of my life - that even at three so starting from the age when I started to understand something, I never tried to put my fingers into the electric sockets in the walls because even as a toddler I was fully aware that electricity was going to kill me then and when one dies, it's irreversible. It's already - yes - FOREVER. I also never touched back then my eyes with my dirty hands because I was fully aware I was going to get another eye infection then (I used to suffer from those when I was very little) - it was enough to tell me that some behaviors of mine were going to have negative repercussions later on - so I never did it because I remembered those warnings well afterwards. I never ever did anything stupid, irresponsible etc. I was like an adult, mature aged person in this respect, like I was already born a little adult instead of a child like my peers.

And here comes my question - do you happen to share this experience with me? Once when I wrote on another board - it was many years ago - that I was like that since I was completely little, another user not knowing she was talking to a person with ASD, stated contempteously such a sort of behavior, is, in her own words, "autistic". But I was always as I described, since my earliest childhood. When I finally entered my teens, I was already exactly identical mentally as now, when I'm a mature aged person - the only differences between me in my early teens and an adult me, were just those few ones that stem from the natural process of evolution of my personality over the course of years under the influence of the experiences that shape me - like any other person. As a child/teenager, I never behaved, thought etc. like my irresponsible peers, on the opposite, I was extremely responsible and always thought about all the possible repercussions of what I was going to do. Once I read on some message board how one woman wrote about her fourteen year old son who according to her, could predict the future, the repercussions of what he was doing, just... several days ahead - I thought then with disgust it's extremely weird because I could predict it several years ahead then because after all, teens can do with their brains the same things as us, adults.

And here comes my question - do you share the same experience with me in this respect?

It seems I was both very rational and irrational at the same time. As a kid I loved to swim but new that you should never swim alone, so I'd always make sure my parents were watching. On the other hand I had plenty of anxieties and irrational thoughts and feelings that got especially bad as I entered my teens. One summer when I was around 12 I thought I could be dying because I started having sleep apnea at night and during the day I'd also forget to breathe and feel light headed and dissociated for no obvious reason. I didn't know at the time that this could be an anxiety attack and thought I was going to die in my sleep. I would comfort myself by thinking it would not be as bad as dying while awake. I never smoked or did drugs and saw no reason to do so, but I developed emetophobia that was so bad I missed a lot of school and one time my mother flipped out and told me how I knew I was going to fail the grade and how I couldn't possibly be sick. One time in high school I went without eating breakfast and lunch because of my phobia. Bad idea. And then in the late 90s I was having a lot of anxiety about the world coming to an end because of y2k, even though deep down I know that was stupid. Now there's something new that will make us extinct every day, and I'm almost like "bring it on".

Autistic children are supposed to have no sense of danger at all, but I had a very high sense of danger. I was nervous and wimpy so didn't do anything I wasn't sure about. Also my parents could leave me playing in the back garden alone and they knew I wouldn't get out or wander off. It just felt intuitive to stay where it was familiar, around familiar people. I have got up to mischief a couple of times, like going outside the garden gate when I knew I shouldn't, but I still wasn't putting myself in any sort of danger, as I knew to come back and it wasn't a regular occurrence or anything, just normal childlike mischief.

I never really been one to act out or majorly rebel unless I was having a meltdown which only really happened when me & my mom had major fights which was often. I don't know if this is related to rational reasoning though because I tended to be kind of timid & was bullied a lot & in trouble a lot at school till I switched schools in the middle of 6th grade. I wanted to keep to myself doing my own thing & avoid trouble but bullies would lie on me or they'd hit me & then they'd blame me & I was automatically in trouble. I basically expect things to go worse for me than most others with most anything because experience has taught me that I'd be a cr@p-magnet or made a scapegoat.
That said, I'm a bit of an anarchist politically because I strongly support individual rights & freedoms, really hate double standards being applied, I can not feel respect for authority that abuses their position, I'm skeptical of healthcare professionals due to bad experiences & really wish I could prescribe my own non-restricted meds than having to deal with healthcare professionals dismissing some of my issues. I don't want to rebel just to go against authority though but rather to accomplish something.

My rational reasoning was overshadowed by emotional and sensory dysregulation and subconscious interferences.

To a point that I probably had little to no choice but to do some form of cognitive decoupling...

And will always choose the rational if given a choice. I always do.
But alas, instead, I was forced to be emotional, with no ability to desensitize, dissociate or derealize from all of it. So I was also equally forced to confront all of it, no matter how irrational or irrelevant.

Like in the inside, I already knew the consequences, the right and wrong, etc. and everything rational.
But on the outside and behaviorally, it's reactive and irrational and utterly irrelevant to whatever present situation at hand.

Like a mismatch of body and conscious, of mind and emotions.

Also my rationalization isn't drawn from fear or anxiety, nor is a cause of anxiety or fear.
In fact, it's pride and ego for me.

I'm one of those autistics who actually has a screwed sense of fear, minus the lack of situational awareness or low IQ associated with that lack of emotional reactivity over fear based thoughts or feelings.

Because I doubt emotions so much, I do not seem to "learn" -- like I get shocked by something.
Yes, a part of me will be activated; one that's self preserving and not wanting hurt -- whether it's rational or irrational, it has a point -- it is still subconscious. And won't last.
Because a part of me is stronger -- this internal rebellion and upset that something like this is controlling me -- which is more conscious, prideful and egotistical.

Or getting lost a few times, by wandering off. As a kid, I did worried and maybe cried for losing company.
But instead of fearing and worrying afterwards -- I wanted to do it again. My desire to be free from needing company is stronger than the fear of the possibility of getting lost again.


So I don't know.
In short I probably decoupled the whole rational-emotional processes myself at a young age.

A lot of stuff are a no-brainer to me as a kid like "this is dangerous", "this is wrong".
But no... Emotionality says "I like this", "I don't want this".

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When those checklists for autism are written by NTs, they often say, "No sense of danger." Yeah, some autistic kids and adults have no sense of danger, but they are the Level 3'ers, not the Aspies or HFAs. If anything, the Aspie type would be so hell-bent on following rules, that they'd be likelier than their NT peers to stay OUT of danger. When's the last time you heard of an Aspie or HFA doing stupid NT things like car surfing, standing at the edge of a cliff for a selfie, doing those various TikTok challenges that could have really bad consequences, etc.?

Hmm.

Was I capable of rational reasoning? Yes.

Was I stubborn, impulsive and guided by a strong sense of justice? Also yes.

I acted out. Talked back at adults. Stood my ground against teachers. I was full of rage and even though I understood the consequences of my actions I did them anyway.

However, I had a reputation for following the rules. I wasn't cool. I was quiet and studious. Kept to myself. I followed the rules that made sense to me and actively went against those that did not, consequences be damned. Especially if someone acted poorly either towards me or my friends.

One teacher in particular had it out for me. Blamed me for things I didn't do. She also treated her other students poorly. That's why I dumped evidence in front of her and grilled her in front of everyone. I also voiced my grievances with her teaching style, my dislike for her condescending behaviour and how she weaponised fear in others.

I was the nerd that people would copy from in English class. However, I was also a force not to be taken lightly.

Is it possible to reason in any way that isn't rational?

I'll get back to you on that