Do you get ANGRY when people think you are "dumb"?

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Recently I found out that someone I knew for a long while, and whom I liked, asked a friend of mine if I was "slow". I found this to be very disappointing. I thought she was a little smarter than that, and could recognize that just because I have a social problem, it doesn't mean that I am "dumb" or "unintelligent".

To me, when I find out someone thinks this about me, it makes me personally question THEIR intelligence. Although I try hard not to do this, because I don't want assume onto them what they have already assumed onto me.

But honestly, why is social disfunction so often confused by NT's as being "retarted" or "slow" as this woman so fondly thought about me, behind my back? It is quite irritating, to say the least. I think despite my social disfunction, I always present myself in a way where people can clearly see I am not stupid (by the use of English I speak with, etc.). Thank you.

I posted a similar thread about this a week or so ago.

It really annoys me if people think I, or people with AS in general, are stupid. It's as though they can't see past social skills, so if you are bad at those then you are bad at everything. Like you, it makes me question THEIR intelligence, and makes me think they're a little shallow because they can't see past it.

That really bothers me, as well. Some people have asked other people, if I was slow, and it's been making me angry, my entire life. One time, when I was 10 and I will never forget this, there were two boys and a girl, who lived next door to me. The youngest boy asked the girl about me, "Isn't she slow?" The girl said, "Slower than some kids. Why do you ask?" I didn't hang out with those kids, for the rest of the summer, I was so angry.

Exactly! Sometimes I am not sure if they themselves are just stupid, ignorant, OR mentally lazy. What I mean by mentally lazy is, when they see a person who is awkward socially, instead of asking themselves "Gee I wonder why he is like that, let me reason it out" they just think "ah...he must be dumb...OOOH!! I wonder what color I should paint my nails tomorrow?!"

In other words, they don't want to "think too much" about WHY I might be socially awkward, so they just "write it off" in their dumb minds as "He must be stupid. Next".

Last edited by johnnydangerous on 17 Jul 2010, 7:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

At the risk of sounding arrogant, it bothers me personally because I know my IQ is MUCH higher than theirs. The sad irony of the world, I guess. But you just have to laugh at it (right?).

I can laugh at it now, when I look back, but I wasn't able to laugh about it, than.

I'm sorry to hear this guys. I have a friend that talks with a strange prosody, and at first I suspected he might be slow, but I can't imagine being rude enough to ask behind his back about it.

See the thing is, I think there is a distinct difference between "weird" and "dumb".

No offense to people who are mentally ret*d, but you can pretty much tell right away. I do not see myself as acting like that AT ALL. I act "unusual" however the usage of language I perform when speaking, coupled with the content of my words, should CLEARLY demonstrate to the other said person involved that I am, in fact, NOT DUMB but rather just a little "odd" or "weird"' if you will.

However it would seem NT's cannot "seperate" someone who acts "weird" from someone who is, lets say, mentally ret*d. And that is something that I FAIL to comprehend. How can you NOT see that I am intelligent, just a little "different" socially? Can't you tell from the usage of my language? From the content of my words?

It's as if even if I were to give a speech on the theory of quantum physics, if I delivered that speech in a monotone Aspie tone, or whatever other "odd" way, NT's would STILL think to themselves "wow listen to how he talks...he must be dumb!"....GRRRRRRRRRR!! !! !! !! !

I get this all the time, I must say, my entire life.
Because you don't fit in their box, they place you in one, and because you lack social skills, you will also lack intelligence. I think that is how 'they' think.

I am perceived not so much as dumb I think as naive. I am not quite as naive as people think. I just have certain standards of fair play that I like to uphold for myself. Some people consider that dumb.

I read a post once that was very interesting. NT's have an "order", with social skills being on the bottom of that order in terms of "easiest' most basic thing to be able to perform. And everything else gets harder from there.

So when an NT sees someone who is poor (in their mind) socially, they think "wow, being social is the EASIEST function to perform, if he cant even do that...he must REALLY be dumb because everything else gets HARDER from there!".

But of course THIS IS NOT HOW AN ASPIE MIND WORKS. Social skills to us, are like QUANTUM PHYSICS to them!! It would be like me saying to them "Wow, he doesn't know quantum physics? Umm...is he a little "slow" mentally?" because TO US, quantum physics (just an example) is EASIER to master than social skills, not vice versa.

They are applying THEIR BRAIN and how THEY THINK to us. Extremely ignorant, in my opinion. However the one good thing about it is, it lets you see and know right away who is worht being around, and who is not.

I am perceived that way too. However it's not quite how people think. I give people chances, REALIZING they may be just using me. But if they let me down, I do not trust them again.

However I think people think that I am totally unaware of the risk I am taking by trusting them, when in fact, that is not the case at all. I realize the risk, I just take it anyway. I guess because I am just overly "nice" if you will. But I always trust people, until I am given a reason NOT to trust them. That's just how I am.

no. i feel relieved in a way because they are unlikely to want much of my time.

i do not care what people think i am. i live in me and i know me.
they do not live in me and they have no idea what it is like to live in me.

i have no desire for people to think i am smart, because that is just an objective appraisal. sometimes i like to talk to people about things that require thought, but if they start to focus on my intelligence, then i lose interest immediately.

i often say the silliest things that come into my mind because they are easy to think, and if i am not interested in painstaking dialogue, then i just say stupid things for my own entertainment.
i like to see the puzzled expressions on faces of people who can not believe i am that stupid, because they look funny like cartoons.

whatever a person thinks i am has no effect on who i am.

Very good point!

See I wish I could say that, and I wish I could think the way you do. But I have to be honest, it hurts me when people see me this way when in fact THE OPPOSITE is the truth. Not only am I not "dumb" I have in fact ABOVE AVERAGE intelligence.

Mabye it's something I need to work on, mabye it's more curiousiy on my part about WHY they think this way. But I feel the way I feel, and I can't change that. It bothers me, even if it shouldn't.

Thanks. NARROW MINDED people. Simple as that.