"How People With Autism Fake It"

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This was eerily descriptive of how I cope, especially lately....

http://expatlog.com/2015/09/30/how-peop ... m-fake-it/

With a title like that I was expecting to get angry over some article claiming that we fake it, but I'm glad to see it was actually written by someone who has Asperger's

"You don't look like you have Asperger's" - I know this is supposed to be a compliment, but I also find it kinda offensive. Mainly because I do struggle and they don't see that.
Another comment I don't like is the belief that we grow out of it. We don't. It's based on the fact we seem to be dealing with social situations a lot better. That doesn't mean Asperger's still doesn't affect us, we've just learnt a lot of coping mechanisms over the years. And we can learn social skills, but that doesn't mean we still won't face difficulties

Really accurate piece for me in that I can relate to nearly all of it very intensely. Thanks very much for posting the link.

She is so on the money with her summary comment that it is neurotypicality, not ASDs that we fake.. I have become fairly good the neurotypical act after many decades of learning, observation and practice. Yet it remains what it is - a performance I force myself to do in certain circles at certain times for certain reasons such as wanting to achieve particular desirable outcomes and also to protect myself from adverse reactions, discounting, behind the back gossip and social exclusion.

So I perform. How tiring it is, and even after decades of doing this there are still occasional sudden moments of intense stage fright before the curtain goes up..

No-one has ever said to me that I don't look as if I have Aspergers, though if this ever happened I would reply with raised eyebrows, and in my haughtiest Downtown Abbey voice: "Oh, did you mean that I don't drool? How kind of you to notice.. "

...I've meant to wonder , dating from before Aspieness-being-known as I am , how " Aspie " do I seem ?

When people say, "You don't look autistic", what exactly do they have in mind? How does one look like they have autism? That's what I don't understand.

That reminded me of how much symptoms sucked before I figured out how to treat them via diet/probiotics etc. So much better now to have to mask all of that all the time. What a waste of energy.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I really enjoyed reading this. thanks for posting!

I'm going to print this out to hand a copy to people in my real life with whom this has come up, or may in future.

There are also a couple of people I know whom I would like to disclose to in order to give them a better understanding of me, for a couple of reasons. This will help with their surprise, potential disbelief, denial or any other negative reactions to my disclosure.

I really like the article. I wish the realities it shines the light on did not exist. Very few people who aren't on the spectrum understand and you can't explain it. Our reality is so different. I hate it when mental health professionals fail to get it. They try to "treat" us by trying to make us act normal. They don't understand that it HURTS! It hurts trying to act normal and never really being sure that you are doing it right. It hurts letting your true personality come out and invariably getting criticized for it or rejected. There is a constant sense of wrongness that comes with having AS no matter how high-functioning you are, like you just don't fit.

I don't bother going out of my way to interact with people who make me feel like I have to fake that I'm 'normal', if I have to interact with such a person I make it as short and impersonal as possible. Maybe they think I am rude, but I think a person who makes me feel like that is rude.

I know growing up I was upset by getting picked on and ostracism but I didn't think I had to fake anything I just wished people could give me a chance and accept some of my 'differences' instead of using it as a reason to single me out for bullying and ostracism. Of course I wasn't 100% innocent of ever being a jerk myself and its possible some autistic traits may have got people thinking I was ignoring them but still I don't think it justified my experience.

But yeah sounds like faking causes tons and tons and tons of stress and I don't want to be in a perpetual state of anxiety, I already have PTSD so yeah I don't have time or energy to put on a big act for people....I spend some energy at least trying to be pleasant if things are bothering me and not go on about it to someone unless they really want to know but faking neurotypical....no thanks.

I didn't relate to the article, probably because I don't have much anxiety or fake NT.

Sweetleaf, I think it may be that it's the older generations of us that have felt the pressure to fake NT in order to get by in a world where we were given to understand that our real selves would meet with failure at every level. I'm talking about those of use who grew up in the 1950s, 60s and even the 70s. There was no diagnosis except for severely affected autistics -- everyone else was told to shut up, grow up, "what the hell is wrong with you?" "Get a job and knuckle under" etc etc. We were "weird" but didn't know why and we forced ourselves to conform because we didn't know any better.

It then becomes a lifetime habit of feeling faking is a "must".

I would LOVE to just refuse to interact with anyone who seems like they need me to be "normal" -- but I have to make a living. It's a tough world out there and if I have to hand pick only people who would accept me as I really am, I wouldn't be making enough money to pay my rent and feed myself.

I can either act completely myself, let it all hang out, feel stress free from not having to fake NT.....and also wind up homeless, literally. (I have no family. It's either me who keeps a business going or nobody feeds me.)

OR....I can fake NT and keep clients feeling comfortable about me being in their homes alone with a set of keys and alarm codes.

I'd love to be educating people that's it's okay to hire me in all my quirky glory, but the change in their understanding is not going to come fast enough for me to not live out the rest of my life being shunned and unable to find work if I'm REALLY being myself.

Yes, faking NT is stressful and harmful and I'm not condoning it, I wish I didn't have to do it. But not doing it means the world will stop letting me operate in it enough to even live independently, and I don't have anyone who will just take me on and pay my way in life.

Yesterday my mom said "Everyone has a bit of autism". My parents think I'm faking it.