It's weird that i dont miss people like i'm supposed to

Post Reply New Topic

Examples: I have a friend for yeaaars, and then I go 3 months without getting in touch, text, call, anything and one day I just say hello.

Or I visit my dad and 5 months later I think, "Wow, I should visit him again."

I feel like a bad person because it really takes me a while to miss someone.

I don't think so, I'm like this with most people too.

I think this is normal, especially for autistic people and probably introverted people in general.

My experience is the opposite, it never occurred to me when young not to go visit my parents each weekend, if it wasn't too much of a bind, or every Xmas, if at all possible, but looking back, I've realised that I needn't have bothered; they didn't care if I turned up or not!

Yes, I've wondered about this. I rarely ever miss people. Even people I was close to that have passed away. Not sure when it started, because I have memories of missing people.

Me either.

But deep down it's less because of not wanting to be with them, and more like I have no hole to fill or is because I have an excess instead.


Also occasional but long term case of out of sight out of mind phenomenon.

And that -- knowing that them being alive somewhere is more than enough for me.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Seems to be a common ASD thing:

https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/comment ... t_of_mind/

I'm a bit like that myself, though I quickly notice some people's unusual absence from my life. I don't know what makes the difference.

I like being alone so much that it doesn't occur to me to miss people.

I think I've learned to not miss people. But also, I just think it's okay for someone to not be around. They do their thing, and I do mine. I don't see the need to be together all the time. And when we catch up, we just start where we ended last time.

I find it interesting that you use the phrase "supposed to" in your post title. I usual pause and reflect when I hear myself saying "supposed to" or "should" because it usually means I am comparing myself to somebody else's standards.

If your current level of contact or "missing people" is working ok for you, then it doesn't matter. If it isn't, then I am sure there are plenty of strategies you could use to remind yourself, for example like putting a reminder in your calendar.

I also have an "out of sight, out of mind" approach to people (full disclosure, I'm not autistic) but I have found ways to stay connected with others. For example I scroll through my whatsapp contacts to check if there is anyone I want to contact who I haven't spoken to in a while. I also have routines to remind me to call people, for example, when I have a really boring chore to do I call my Dad. He keeps me company while I accomplish the task so that it is less boring and he is happy that I called him. A win-win!

Hope you find this message helpful but like I said, don't be too hard on yourself, comparing to "supposed to"s and "shoulds".

I don't miss some people, I don't miss my sister most of the time, I don't feel love for her, I don't know why, I don't miss my dad too, I really tried to be close to him for over 15 years now, I had it with him, I been in a group home for a year, he never come to visit me, work is more important than me, he never was a really good father. My mom was the BETTER parent, I was close with her, she died almost 12 year ago, I miss her sooooooooooo much. I miss some of my friends. I don't miss my whole family.

My father had MY ENTIRE FAMILY, AND EVEN A BEST FRIEND, TRY TO GASLIGHT ME!

A kind of second father of mine died. I was asleep in the car, and dreamed he had died. I woke up in the hospital asking where he was and the internists said he was in another ambulance. And I said "He's dead, isn't he?".

I was like an orphan for like a week. This was in the middle of a move, and I was hundreds of miles from home.
Even when I got home, people claimed he would come by later. Eventually, my best friend at the time told me my father told them to not tell me that he died. I guess they thought that deception would be better.

I LOVED him like a father, but don't think I even cried at that point.

No, it’s not weird or bad, it’s just the way you are. I’m like this also. When I am with someone who seems to like me (I have no comprehension of people liking me) and I like them, that’s great! However, when they are gone, they’re just gone, and I don’t have any feelings of missing them. The upshot of this is that I can see them again and no matter how long it has been, I can pick up right where we left off!! The few true friends I have seem to know this about me and take it in stride.

I have realized over the years that the reason I don't miss people is because I don't form attachments to anyone.
It used to bother me when I was younger but it's only because I was comparing myself to others and what I "should" feel.

^ Yeahhhh! I think I'm kind of like that too. I'm so used to separating from people (especially from 18-22 years old), that I always assume each relationship is temporary. Why attach when it will end anyway? Just enjoy the time together, and say bye when it's over.