Does Anybody Feel Guilty For Not Going Out?

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I noticed recently there were a few threads about people who are lonely, but don´t want to socialize. In my case, it´s slightly different:

The problem is, I don´t feel particularly lonely. After working during the day, I really enjoy my free time with myself. I come home and insulate myself in my apartment, spending time with my books, computer and watching dvds. Hours go by, and I feel like I don´t have enough time to do all I want to do...I am a little sleep deprived, because I get too involved with my special interests. I feel basically happy....

The problem is, every now and again I get this nagging thought that I should be making more of an effort to go out. I wonder if what I am doing is unhealthy. I have been single for years, and I don´t meet many new people. I wonder if I´m "missing out" on something. Before I knew about AS, I didn´t really go out more than I do now; I either just fooled myself, telling myself I was "too busy", or whatever excuse I could find- or, I would miss social events, but then chastise myself for hours, saying I "should have gone", etc. Since I have discovered the (possibility) of AS, I wonder if I´m a little too complacent now.

How do others feel? Do you feel torn about not going out? Or guilty? Or do you feel basically happy, but wonder if you´re doing the right thing? Or does it not phase you at all?

I feel perfectly happy staying in, if it's what you enjoy then you shoud have no reason to be upset or guilty about it just because you don't live your life the same way NTs do.

i do not mind going out if it does not include people.

It's hard for me not to feel bad about it. I live with three other girls, and I think it makes them feel awkward knowing that I'm locked in my room for large portions of the time.

Sometimes I do feel much better when I go out, just because it means I'm not hiding from their conversations in the hallway. But when I leave I like to go places with similar levels of isolation- to the forest/mountains, or my boyfriend's house. I should go to the mountains today.

I feel happy staying in, and think I don't have enough time to do all I want to do (handcrafts, reading, videogames, ...). I would like to stop going to school and stay at home.

I don't feel guilty. I don't want to socialize, and people must understand this.

Everybody say I should have more fun, but I have all the fun I want alone, staying home

It's been ages since I've had the opportunity to go out, so I'm not sure how I'd feel about not going if I were invited.

i don't like going out because of people always picking on me and half the time people think i'm strange and i don't feel bad about it.

I used to feel very guilty. I have someone who invites me places on a rather regular basis and I had been telling myself "I should be her friend, she won't keep inviting me places if I keep turning her down" ect ect so I would feel terrible but I know that if I did accept, I'd be completely awkward and miserable the whole time.

Upon learning about AS and realizing how well I fit in here, I've realized that I don't actually need friends (Just society makes me think I do because they do and they think I must too) I'm happy at home, I'm not happy going out. Therefore staying home and being happy is the logical choice. And I don't feel guilty anymore

Nope; someone has to monitor the Internet.


I will say I try and get out for various reasons: health, fresh air, sunlight, friends and so forth. If it were not for the fact that I am married, I would probably leave only when it's time to meet with fellow computer geeks and work (aside from the acquisition of essentials).

It's something I wrestle with, my self. I'd always try and worm my way out of any social situation that I was invited to as a kid. But it's like... I have a really idolised and fantastical image of social interaction in my head, and I think maybe I am missing out and I feel a bit lonely. Yet when the reality of what social interaction is really like, hits me, I'm out of there like a rocket.

I can't really win. If I try and socialise I feel extremely depressed, anxious and uncomfortable. All I want to do is get out of there and go home. But when I'm at home, I sometimes feel really lonely, like I'm missing out. I think I have to pick the lesser of two evils, which is staying away from society. At least I can enjoy my interests that way.

I think the only thing I feel guilty about at the moment is not having a job. I'm trying to work towards getting one, but it's slow going. I want to feel like I can pull my weight and not like I'm leeching from other people.

It doesn't make me feel guilty at all to stay home. Seems as soon as I get around people of any stripe, I'm immediately made to feel obligated - to please them, entertain them, smile at them, love them, et al...it makes me sick with anxiety and eventually I begin to resent their very existence. Staying isolated in my own nest is best for everybody concerned.

I get guilt-tripped into it. Constantly. Especially when I live at college.

People are always nagging nagging nagging at me; come out tonight! Pleeeeease! I won't have as much fun if you're not there! You know you want to!

I think the truth is I do like to go out, but about once every two weeks is more than enough for me. I don't want or need to go out more than this, but people don't get it because when I do go out I tend to go wild; be the party animal and the center of attention. I love to go out, and when I do go out I always have an awesome time, and try to help the people around me to have an awesome time too, but I also love my quiet time and my alone time too, and I need a balance (which tends to lean on the side of alone time, at least compared to other people).

But yes, people make me feel so guilty I usually get dragged out against my will (in fact, I'd say 9 times out of 10 last year when I went out clubbing where when other people pushed me into it after I said I was staying back). Sometimes I get so tired and overwrought after a few weeks of this (going out one to two nights a week) I just put my foot down and go enough is enough, and pretty much isolate myself for a time. Once when I did this, a friend begged me to go clubbing with her and even though I kept saying no she felt she went a bit too far (she made me feel really bad for saying no, and she did it on purpose) because she actually came up and apologized to me for it the next day.

As far as spending quiet time with one or two friends, just restful chatting/watching a movie say in my room at college, I like to do this several times a week.

i think i would probably try harder to be more social if i felt safe when i was around other people.....but i don't. i have trust issues, and the way most people live their lives doesn't make sense to me anyway, so i stay in.....sometimes i'm lonely, but most of the time i'm happier doing my own thing

I start to wonder if my lifestyle is healthy if I haven't spoken to anyone in weeks except to greet the bus drivers and the librarian. My isolation tends to spiral.

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Last edited by odd on 25 Jan 2009, 10:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't really. I know that when I am out I am mostly anxious, nervous, and hyper-sensitive. Most of the time I would really rather stay home and knit.