Post-assessment thoughts (finally got the result today).

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I'm following this because I'm getting my results next week and would be interested to see how I compare to others here. I hope you post more details here. I'm not sure what could be so upsetting about a report. Perhaps I could help and make some suggestions?

Edit: If it's the IQ scores that upset you, remember that IQ (or anything on the report for that matter) is not a statement of the value of you as a person. IQ scores are not a measure of intelligence, they are meant to show where your intellectual strengths and weaknesses lie. The main goal of assessment and providing you with the results is to help guide you and the people around you toward helping you achieve your best in life. You are probably better at something compared to other things. Focus on these strengths and develop them. The brain is plastic throughout our lifespans, so nobody is hopeless.

By definition, the majority of people are average in terms of their IQ but yet still manage to lead happy, productive lives.

Mathgirl, what was your assessment like?

I'm afraid it is to me though. My sense of self-worth is strongly connected to how well I think I've done (not only on IQ tests but other tests and things in general). I often think I might as well die if I don't do things as well as I want to. Might sound dramatic but it's the truth.

Skibum, I'll either send you a PM or write it here if I can muster up enough courage to do so. I just worry you'll all be upset with me if I tell you about it because I'm probably overreacting. It's about the things MathGirl mentioned though. I'm being ridiculous so yeah, perhaps I deserve it if you get upset with me.

Sweetheart. I would never be upset with you over something like that. You are my friend and you can tell me whatever you like. I will support you.

I think you need to try to change your criteria for self worth. Many people are like you in the sense that they feel they need to accomplish something to a certain degree to have self worth. You are worthy simply because you exist. You don't have to accomplish anything to be worthy and deserving of a beautiful life. You were worthy from the moment you were conceived and at point you had not done anything at all. You are loved because you exist not because of what you do or don't do or what you accomplished or don't accomplish. Accomplishments come and go and if we base our self worth on them we will never be able to be secure. If you had a child you would love that child and think the world of her just because she was there. You would never base your love for her on her accomplishments. You would not treat others that way so you should not treat yourself that way either. You are a beautiful, loving, wonderful young lady and the support and love you have shown me makes me know this. That is what matters. No one cares about intelligence quotients or accomplishments. Accomplishments are nice and good but really they don't mean much as far as the quality of the person. What matters is that you are loving and caring and have a wonderful character inside you. And you do.

skibum: I don't really have time to go into it in detail, but they administered the WAIS during the first session. During the second session, I got some neuropsychological testing done. There were executive functioning, memory tests, math aptitude tests, spelling tests, reading comprehension tests, and finally some self-report screenings for various disorders (the Mind in the Eyes test was there too). I also did ASD testing (ADOS Module 4 with me + ADI-R with my mom).

rebbieh: Perhaps researching the history of intelligence testing will help you. Initially, Binet started using it in schools to help determine which students have special educational needs. Later, the tool that was meant to help people became an instrument of discrimination and hatred. It's quite sad but will hopefully help you realize how futile the whole notion of "intelligence" is.

Thanks Mathgirl. That info is very helpful.

Well, I do care about intelligence quotients and accomplishments (and a lot of people on this forum seem to do too) and, to me, I'm obviously not good at anything. I don't know why people have lied to me my whole life and told me I'm smart (even the psychologist told me I am several times today) if I'm not. I'm in the average/higher average range (not sure of my exact score yet but the psychologist said it was in the higher part of average and I think I saw the number 113 somewhere). That's not good enough.

Please know that I do not hold other people to the same standards as I hold myself. If you told me you have an IQ of 113 I'd probably say that's good, because it sort of is. But not for me. I know that's ridiculous and stupid and that I'm a hypocrite but I have this really skewed and distorted way of looking at myself. I must be perfect or I see no point in living.

I realize how stupid all of this sounds and I should probably shut up. Sorry for being so silly. I hope you all don't dislike me now. I'm just really disappointed in myself.

EDIT: I already regret posting this.

Often in autism one has a scattered IQ-profile with strenghts in some areas and weaknesses in other areas.
In Asperger's diagnosis it is often VIQ > PIQ.
In HFA it is often PIQ > VIQ.
Ask your psychologist to break down your IQ-profile to show you in what areas are your strenghts and in which are your weaknesses.
Your strenghts probably also show in the things you like doing.
Maybe in some areas you are gifted.

Rebbieh, Don't regret posting this. It's okay. I actually understand because I do the exact same thing in other areas and I have to have others remind me and encourage me not to do that. I think a lot of people do it. Do you know why you do it? If you could change your way of thinking about that would you like to? It seems to be hurting you and I don't want to see you hurt.

What does VIQ and PIQ mean?

Anyway, the psychologist told me my IQ profile is quite scattered. She also told me she thinks I could do better and that the scores maybe don't really reflect my "true score" since I sort of shut down during some tests etc, and that that's probably what it's like for me "in real life" as well. I don't know. I asked her if we'll be going through the tests more in depth and she said we'll try to do that next time we meet up (in two weeks).



I don't know why I do it. I just know that I feel very insufficient and inadequate and that my perfectionism is causing huge problems.

Perfectionism is actually an Aspie trait. So that could be a part of it. Low self esteem is a very common Aspie thing as well. So there might be an underlying physiological aspect to it. You will need to retrain your thinking and change your internal dialogue. This is important so that you don't self destruct. If you can begin to see yourself as if you were someone else this will help a lot. I do that to myself sometimes when I am struggling in similar ways. I talk to myself as if I were to talking to another person. I will also replay in my head encouraging things that my husband or my brother have told me. They are the two most influential people in my life and I really value what they say to me. If you have someone in your life that you respect and love you can use their words of encouragement to try to outplay the negative thoughts in your mind.

It is important to know the truth about yourself. The truth is you are a wonderful girl. The truth is you are not stupid. The truth is you are very good at some things. Even though your pain center might try to convince you that you are not those things, it really is just insecurity, that it all it is. Seeing yourself in truth will help you understand that there are many beautiful and wonderful qualities that you posses. It's not bragging or boasting, it's just true. And an IQ of 113 is not low.

You don't have the right to put yourself down like that. Treating yourself that way is as bad as treating another person that way. We do it because we are hurt and insecure. That is actually a type of pride. When you treat yourself that way it keeps you from being able to share the wonderful parts of you with others and it keeps you from being able to encourage others.

Even if you can find just one thing that you are good at, I know one that you already told me about. Take that one thing and be encouraged by it. Even if it's just that one, you can already change your internal dialogue to say "I am good at one thing." Enjoy that, bask in it and soon you will find another thing and another.

But the most important thing is that you need to love you just because you are you and for no other reason. Even if you were in a vegetative coma your entire life you would still be precious and special and worth loving 100%.

Skibum, I honestly don't even remember what I've told you I think I'm good at.

I'm feeling lousy right now. I honestly don't even know how I'm supposed to get out of bed tomorrow morning. I don't know how to get through the day at university tomorrow (we have a mandatory seminar tomorrow and I sort of need to participate in the discussion but I have a feeling tomorrow's going to be one of those days when it's really difficult to talk and one of those days when I don't even want to talk). Not only because of how poorly I did on the test but also because my head is still filled with questions. The psychologist and I only had an hour long session today and we spent that whole time going through parts of the official report the psychologist has written. I didn't have time to ask my questions (except one). She told me it's ok to email her the questions and she'll prepare answers for next time we meet up. I'm worried though because I think our next session is our last one (apart from the session a couple of days after that when we're going to make some sort of treatment plan) and I don't really understand how we're going to have time to go through my questions, the rest of the report, more test results etc. in an hour. I'm also really worried about the changes that I'll have to face now that the assessment is over. Everything worries me right now (and all the time).

Seriously, my brain just "freezes" when I try to think of all of this. It gets completely overwhelmed. Not sure how to deal with life right now.

I know I apologize a lot (sometimes it feels like I'm apologizing for my whole existence) but I'm really sorry that I'm complaining so much. Wish I could tell you more positive things.

Rebbieh - MathGirl made a great suggestion. You should read up a little on the WAIS and learn more about the purpose of each sub-test. If you are really interested, you may also want to read up on the Cattell-Horn-Carroll (CHC) Theory of cognitive abilities.

Then, ask your Psychologist for your sub-test scores (and percentiles). Together, this may provide you with a better understanding on your cognitive functioning abilities.

As a note, I also was a bit surprised by my IQ score. But, when I looked at the subtest scores, everything started to make more sense (for me).

Also remember that your cognitive functioning has not changed since you took the test. You are still you. What's important is to understand your relative strengths and weaknesses. It is important for each of us to find things that accentuate those strengths and minimize exposure to those areas of weakness.

One more thing. You might feel that you are "not good at anything". That may be true. Or, perhaps, maybe you have not yet discovered that thing which you are good at. Please keep searching. You are still young and have plenty of time to find it.

Rebbieh. get some rest. You are exhausted. You need a good sleep. Try not to think of these things too much right now. Everything will work out in time. And don't worry, we are right here for you. Just get some rest and give everything a little time to start to sort out.

Yes. IQ seems to be very important to many aspies (including yours truly).

As your psych said, 113 IS level "smart". You don´t have to worry at all.

A lot of things could have influenced the result, - nerves, a bad day, general stress etc.
Thats´s why you´re allowed take a Mensa 3 times with an interval of 6 months.

If you feel unhappy about it, - use the net. There´s a lot of good tests, good training.
Play with it. De-dramatize it It is not worth a depression.

It is like Rocket says, - if you aren´t good at anything (which we doubt), you may not have found your special talent yet.

Yeah, I should probably go to sleep. It's almost 11pm and I'm really tired. I doubt things will be better tomorrow but then I've at least had time to rest a bit.

I might write more tomorrow. Thank you all for listening to me whine and supporting me. It means a lot.

Goodnight.