Mother talks about killing her autistic daughter and herself

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umm, no. Most people, especially parents, hopefully don't have that potential to hate inside of them. You're basically saying that a kid who may have more meltdowns than a normal kid makes it ok for his parents to directly plan and contemplate a specific method for killing the kid and members of his family.

It just goes back to the fact that if this was a Down's Syndrome child in the background, child services would have already been called. It would not have been tolerated at all, no matter how stressed out she was.

The pre-meditation is spooky, and it appears that she doesn't actually feel remorse for having these feelings, but rather is seeking to be pitied. Most parents, honeslty, have come close to 'losing it' with their kids at one time or another (NT or otherwise). Most of the time, these impulses are surpressed, and the parent feel guilty for harboring such thoughts, in retrospect. This does seem to be at a different level, because of the pre-meditation (most parents would have calmed down long before drawing up such elaborate plans) and the apparent lack of shame.

This woman has every resource at her disposal, too. That kind of irritates me. There're many things I'd love to be able to provide for the girls, but can't afford. That bums me out more than anything. This woman has never had to deal with not being able to provide her children with tools or therapies that could make a difference in their lives.

Jody really doesn't seem all that bad, to me - even though they tried very hard to portray her as a horror. She's obviously immature and her language is clearly delayed, but I don't see anything so horrible about her.

i thank f**k that i am in the UK because we do not have this kind of ignorant BS spreading about the land.
i saw a couple from can on youtube and it makes me want to fly over to America to smash some tapes
here is one from CAN:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_cJp714jXQ[/youtube]
this is a video that makes my blood boil:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5maRs7LGC4[/youtube]
and on a lighter note a parody of autism speaks:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QtnvZEHyQA[/youtube]

Is jody the one that has the sister saying she wishes she didn't have an autistic sister, and with the mother wishing she could kill them? If so, I had the SAME feeling. Heck, if I could have gone down there and just adopted her I might have, just to get her away from that jerk.

But people would suspect me, a Middle aged single male, of something nefarious, and I don't have the time. 8-(

Steve

Square,

Your answer summed up all of the reasons I found it disturbing. I hope the parents reading my posts don't think I'm ranting on those temporary meltdowns or rants because I'm not. All parents go through that with all kids. I had a friend go through it when she first found out her son was autistic and she was trying to deal with it. But, it's a momentary craziness where they feel overwhelmed, then they pull it back together and start hunting for answers again. I never was worried about my friend Carol because her responses were normal and she did feel badly afterward. This just seemed on an entirely different level for all the reasons you pointed out so well.

I also agree about having more means at her disposal than most parents in her situation. That also angered me because I thought about all the parents who have handled this without all of those opportunities and they didn't get in front of a camera months or years later and talk like this. It almost seems like a slam against them as well.

As for Jody, her biggest meltdown is when her mother forces her to sit in the swing. Why is that so important you would force your kid into that situation if it causes a meltdown? The whole thing was just strange and unnerving. Even Bagle mom didn't bug me that bad. I just thought she was kind of silly and thoughtless. I never felt like she was a danger. Educator mom I just felt like should know enough to take some special ed college courses to help her with her kid, but again, I didn't feel she was in any way a danger, just inexplicably clueless given her background. Jody's mom was the only one I found to be disturbing.

It almost sounds like something from shelleytherepublican dot com.

the way i see it is. the parents in autism everyday, are not "qualified" to deal with their own kids, they need someone to help them learn how to handle their own melt downs with life because the dont appear to be able to cope with their lives the way it is.

and about the kids. i have seen NT kids act that same way. but showing more clips of autistic kids on a bad day, more than them on a good day is not fair. it's biased, kinda like sying all autistic kids acts like this. but that's not true.

I know some very well behaved autistic kids. of course they are going to have melt downs. all kids do.

When I first saw the autism speaks video I immediately thought the mother who wanted to drive off the bridge had post-partum psychosis. I think SHE needs to be on medication. I couldn't believe she was saying that sort of thing in front of her daughter.

The other videos that were posted by Gilb are equally disturbing... how can the man liken autism to kidnapping?! Sorry- no comparison.

As for the hyperlexia.... geesh, that poor kid. 40 tablets a day? Does he have any room for food? Putting him in a sauna everyday to get rid of the mercury? That mother is a freak! Doesn't she get that she's torturing her poor child?
When I was 4, I could read proficiently- but where I grew up it was expected that you'd know how to read at 4.. we started school at age 3. Based on reading alone that would mean that all the students there were hyperlexic.

Autism does not justify euthanasia, but what this woman went through is probably more common than we might think. There is intense research on what autism is but very little research on the impact that it is has on families who have autistics. A child who has been diagnosed with autism, especially the Kanners type, would bring a sickening sense of horror to any parent. Some may view this as a test of their humanity and courage, but there will be many who will simply take their frustration out on the kid.

Children with AS probably face a different dynamic at home. Aside from their annoying habits, there is probably no other sign that they might be different. Consequently, when they refuse to break their routines to do what other children might do, they are disciplined. This could go on for years as parents try to "reform" their child and the true impact would qualify as abuse. I have been through it and I think many on this forum have lived through it too.

It need not come to the point of wanting to murder a child, but the people who often do the most harm to autistics are their own parents, in particular their mothers. The case histories of people with Aspergers Syndrome often indicates that they are indifferent to their parents. And it goes well beyond blaming one's parents for everything. Things often get so bad that the Aspergian refuses to have anything to do with the parent.

It is probably very surprising for people to learn that parents are causing such harm when society views them as the unfortunate souls who are the only ones doing anything for these able bodied misfits. But therein lies the source of anger and frustration because no matter what you do, it will never be enough. I am never going to change. I will always get meltdowns and socializing with others often leads to a great deal of pain.

Before we condemn this woman, perhaps we ought to ask if she is in fact an isolated case.

Yeah, I agree that we need to know how often this occurs.

What everyone is saying though is that this woman is representing how Autistics and Aspies behave everyday in ORDINARY circumstances (so not forcing them, just asking) to the public. Add to that the fact that, if she is in a major position in Autism Speaks, then she's got a lot of power, and it'd take a LARGE amount of money and effort to do something about this.

Maybe you're suprised, but I am not. Maybe you were naive enough to think she was an isolated case, but I am not.

I didn't bother to condemn her. I turned her in to Child Services. That's what you do with people like that. You turn them in. As I already said, I don't give a crap about her, just the kid. People kill their kids, not all the time, not even most of the time, but they do. Not turning something like that in is just feeding that problem.

How do you turn in a stranger like that to child services? Is it national or regional? I'm really glad you did that. I'm just curious. How did they respond?

That's what we are (mostly) complaining about! This is NOT representative of "any" parent but those parents. I did not feel a "sickening sense of horror" when my son was referred to the neurologist, dx'ed, or when he was assessed by the school district as severely autistic. That's the whole point!


I'd like to see the source of this idea. A lot of people around here complain about 1)both parents treating them bad, 2)their dads being particularly rough with them and 3)their moms.

Her name is Alison Singer and she lives in Scarsdale, NY. http://www.autismspeaks.org/leadership.php

Here's the numbers: http://www.ocfs.state.ny.us/main/

I just called them up, gave the info to the video, suggested they see it for themselves and that it probably bore looking into as she says it so calmly and smiles with both the child and the cameras there.

I don't know who else will do it, but I know four of my readers turned her in as well and they are NT parents. They saw what I saw, that her behavior is disturbing and should be looked into. It doesn't mean they will find anything, but I'd rather be wrong than have a kid be at the mercy of something like that.

And if she's not doing anything wrong, maybe she'll think twice before she says something like that in front of her daughter again.

Some parents are martyrs who are willing to sacrifice everything for their autistic children but not everyone is like that. Autism does not only make a living dead out of autistics, it often does the same to the people who are around that autistic. It is only natural to be very angry if one's child is autistic, especially when they are only mildly so because the hopes for remedy is everywhere so abundant. But the hopes are false and no matter how vicious the methods, there are things that autistics will never be able to do.

Part of the way all parents teach their child is through a process of punishment and reward. For the mildly autistic child, their stubborn insistence on unfathomable routine or refusal to do the socially appropriate thing is often met instinctively with punishment. One might call it "tough love" - I punish you because I want you to learn and get better. But it never gets better and the punishments slowly escalate into abuse and confrontation. There is almost nothing that can be done about it because the parent is acting out of deeply ingrained instincts. It is the sort of behavior that they picked up from their parents and the type that gets validated when they observe how other parents treat misbehaving children. There is probably no doubt in the parent's mind that he/she is doing the right thing.

Children who are autistic are often unable to cope with such parental abuse. In general, autistics are vulnerable; but for many autistics, coping with a parent who is both an authority figure and yet a demon that imposes such misery is well nigh impossible. Talk to any Aspergian here, each of us harbor scars that are so deep, a betrayal so profound that it is even painful to even think about it. Parents are not supposed to do these things. Even if they do not help you, they are not supposed to hurt you.

People do not have to try to kill you to hurt you; there are many ways of unleashing one’s rage at the helpless. And that is what it is. Autistics, even the mild ones, are helpless in dealing with explosive social situations. Many parents will probably find some degree of compliance when they throw a tantrum at the cowering autistic child if only because they frighten the child into absolute submission. For many parents, such highhanded methods might appear to be the only thing that works. But it exacts a terrible price and for many people with autism, there is simply no refuge.

The source of the idea is me. I am the originator of this school of thought because no one in the professional or academic community will have the temerity to make this argument – they depend too much on goodwill and fees from desperate parents to want to jeopardize their position with something as inconvenient as the truth. It is also very difficult to systematically study this phenomenon as almost all of it occurs during the private moments between parent and child. If you interview both, it is my word against his/hers; there is no real basis to trust either party. But I hold that most Aspergians would agree with me; at the very least, it offers a partial explanation to why so many of us have such broken relationships with our families. Take a look at what this woman is doing in the wider context and the reactions that this video has engendered in the community, it is important.