How do you feel about "invisible" autistics?

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It's obvious that I'm weird; it's not so obvious that I'm autistic.

People tend not to like me, until they get to know me.

Me, too. My "friends" at work used to tell other people that I was "an acquired taste."

The really invisible autistics are the ones with no idea that autism exists, let alone that it includes them. I know this because I was one. Even ten years on from diagnosis, I'm still learning the extent of the disability. Coping with life, appearing to be above it all, are easy. Being permanently excluded from normal human communication was easier before I knew it was happening.

This, I think, is the "essence" of our thoughts. It's all about people. Why upset/hurt people? If you feel unsure about the validity of self-diagnosed testing AND HAVE PROOF TO SHOW US (besides your own discriminatory thoughts) then put it forward for everyone to see and evaluate and make their decisions concerning same.

Don't insist that these people, after their own confusing and painful journeys, must wear the equivalent of arm bands or symbols or insist they speak the words you find acceptable in order to separate them from the rest of the community; and this after finally they find people they can relate to....how cruel.

I don't want to dismiss your concerns you've shared, but how you handle these things is based on an individual's choice, as it should be. Not dictated by others.

But, as I said: If you HAVE PROOF of the unreliability of self testing then we're all ears. Otherwise, as I said, you are (should you be doing such things) just discriminating against others because of your own fears.

"It is untruth to say "I have autism" or "I am autistic" without being diagnosed with autism."
If someone believes they have autism would you say it was still a lie? You would call all these people of our forum liars? That seems pretty harsh...why would you do such a thing?

You seem to base your entire argument on: "... I think the self-diagnosis process is invalid, but that is about the process, not the statement." Do you have any proof to back your contention, and to perhaps share with us, so we can make our own determination?

And you say: "Anyone may choose to accept their statement as truth or not, that is the business of each person on the receiving end." In essence (I'm sure you don't realize it) you're saying "I don't care what havoc I may be creating...let others sort out any confusion or hurt feelings it may bring". I don't believe this is a healthy thing for our forum.

I cannot understand why you would think that:

1) I am dictating how anyone else should behave.
2) I am discriminating.

FWIW - After I was diagnosed, I wanted to discuss my diagnosis and the diagnosis process with others. So, I mentioned it to a couple of people. They quickly dismissed it, citing others who were much less functioning. Essentially, each person on the receiving end will make their own decision anyhow. That's just the way things work. I quickly learned that keeping the diagnosis to myself was in my own best interest (as I was not seeking services).

By the way, if I was going to tell someone about my diagnosis, I would never say, "I have Asperger's". Instead, I would say, "I was diagnosed with Asperger's". As it seems more correct. While btbnnyr didn't say it in this post, she has mentioned it in others that -- and I am paraphrasing -- Autism is defined from the outside by behavior, not by introspection from first-person perspective. As such, saying "I was diagnosed with..." seems the more accurate way to describe it.

A wise man said, "Don't take the bait." Sorry, SoManySpoons, I need to speak my mind.

Have you ever had dinner with a new friend and offered to share your wine or beer with them. Only to be told, "No thank you, I've had problems with alcohol in the past." What do you do? Demand proof that they are alcoholics or say something nice to make them more comfortable?

There are many self professed experts and geniuses here. Is it my job to demand proof? No, I simply nod my head and say good for you.

Interesting topics tend to degenerating into the same old argument and self inflicted wound. The conflict can be summarized in a few simple words: empathy, generosity and trust. All traits that are sorely lacking in this community.

I understand why some people will benefit greatly by a diagnosis. While others may not care about a formal label. My words will not change anyone's opinion on this subject. But, a little generosity of spirit is worth more than a label.

If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

I have noticed that.....many well-meaning threads turn into verbal-rhetoric-filled arguments. Then the personal attacks start.

Nothing gets accomplished.

As for me, it's not a glorious thing to be autistic, nor is it the "disease of the month." If somebody wants to say they're autistic, I take them at their word. By definition, these days, the "functioning" of a person with autism varies widely.

WP is not a court of law; no "proof" is required.

I cannot understand why you would think that:

1) I am dictating how anyone else should behave.

Perhaps I mis-spoke? I understood you to say you agreed with btbnnyr's belief that people, in the forum and everyday life, who felt they were on the spectrum, but did not have a professional diagnosis, must announce (in the preferred manner) to those they want to converse with, that they are different somehow.

2) I am discriminating.

If i'm wrong in my above assumption (I always get in trouble with those) and instead you're the kind of a person who likes to keep your private concerns to yourself, and don't want to single out anyone for what you deem "proper attention" then I certainly apologize for misconstruing your earlier comment. And in this case you are obviously not discriminating against those you see as "different."

I know the feeling: "Am I/was I really as clumsy as that (and etc.)?????? Yep!

And it's only been about 3years since "D" (diagnosis) Day for me.

"As such, saying 'I was diagnosed with...' seems the more accurate way to describe it."

I agree. If in conversation I just mention the results of some tests I took ......etc. I describe myself as being "on the autistic spectrum" rather than having Asperger's Syndrome (I used to say Asperger's until the new classifications).

We live in a very contentious society. Our forum suffers from the same pains as the society around us. What I believe we should be doing is looking for ways to welcome and include people. If you find someone new here don't "ask them for their credentials" but instead offer open arms. That's all I'm saying. People are people with the same needs as you.

I see. I believe there has been a misunderstanding but it possibly stems from my incorrect reading of btbnnyr's original comment.

As I understood it, btbnnyr was not saying that people had to point out constantly that they were self-diagnosed, but that they would be misrepresenting autism to specifically say "I am autistic". But, my thought was that this kind of instance would not usually occur. I couldn't imagine anyone saying "I am autistic" in their real life conversations, unless they were diagnosed.

I talk frequently (here on the forum, not so much in real life) about my 'autistic experiences'. At home, I explain struggles to my husband with "it's an autism thing" to help him understand things that I'm going through. On the forum I often talk about my experience and I certainly don't feel that I would need to preface anything with "I'm not diagnosed yet" (I often do this, but don't feel that it's something that I should do), but I cannot imagine a situation where I would comfortably say "I'm autistic", straight out like that, without feeling like I'm saying something untrue. I a 99.9% sure I am, but I feel it wouldn't be accurate of me to say "I am, definitely".

However, I do not have any issue with doing so if that's their choice. I simply understand btbnnyr's perspective that to say it would be 'misrepresenting'.

I certainly hope that I haven't sounded discriminatory after this. As a self-diagnosed autistic person who, for a significant amount of time did not plan to be diagnose, I fully understand knowing that you are autistic without wanting/needing/getting a diagnosis and do not think that this is any different to being diagnosed as autistic. You either are, or you aren't, and self-diagnosis should not stop make any difference to 'community' inclusion. I was simply confused that self-diagnosed people felt comfortable going around saying "I'm autistic" in 'the real world'.

I'm a female aspie who wasn't diagnosed until adulthood, so I know all about being invisible. If you're female it's like you really are invisible. Especially when I'm at a social gathering and everyone is talking to each other but not to me, and they don't notice my restlessness and boredom, even when I start to wander all over the place trying to find something at least somewhat interesting. They wouldn't even notice if I left, nor would they care. I have absolutely no reason for existing at their "fun" event.

Perhaps they feel less lonely?