Cruel(lest) ways you've been rejected?

Post Reply New Topic

First off, the majority of my good friends from childhood went on to become complete schmucks....most of whom wanted nothing to do with me; btw, this is going all the way back to PRE-SCHOOL, I KID YOU NOT.

The latest one was my now former best friend of almost 20 years. Yes, we ALMOST MADE IT. What happened you ask?

Well...first off, we were already beginning to distance for several years. Life happened. He had his, I had mine. The guy was always very insecure, and cared a lot about what everyone thought of him. He did teach me basic social skills and grooming so I have to give him that. I was a total mess before he stepped in, and I thank him for that. Regardless...

We were already distancing, and when we last spoke on the phone, other than business ventures, all we could think to discuss was the old times. If you've ever seen that episode of Frasier where Woody visits...it felt like that, I'm not kidding. Regardless, I still figured "well, one day we'll hopefully re-bond, and become closer than ever; it's happened in the past" Not this time...

I was on Facebook and saw that he finally got a girlfriend, and added her to my friend list. I sent her a message saying "Hope yer takin' good care of 'im!" He accuse me of hitting on her.

Now bear in mind, folks...he's in NJ, I'm in Ohio. How, even if I wanted to, could I hit on a girl over 500 miles away? Worse yet...this is me...as an Aspie, I'm one of the most loyal friends someone could have. I would NEVER screw him over like that. But, he questioned my loyalty to him, and I realized that our bond was pretty much gone.

He's still my friend, but we're not close anymore. THEN.....I recently sent all family and friends this online advertisement for my business that had been completed...and he accused me of forwarding him all my email. Even my best friend( yes, the guy who replaced him...and he's been ONE of my best friends--now my only one--for a couple years now) said "yeah, that's pushing it".

So, that's what happened between me and my now ex-best friend.

Now, when I was still in NJ and DATING, I was talking to some girl online, and she emailed me and said "I changed my email recently, so don't bother sending anything to this address."

I realized about 10 minutes later "if she changed her email address, how did she send me something FROM THAT EMAIL ADDRESS?!" Painful, trust me....

In retrospect, I prefer the straight-to-my-face-honest-rejection to the gentle art of the snub. I don't always get the snub in a timely manner. In fact, trying to figure people out is exhausting, so I just try to be impeccably kind to everyone no matter what our history may be. It actually isn't about them at all, it is about me. I have never regretted being kind, but I am still occasionally haunted by the several times I have allowed myself to indulge in mean spirited behavior.

Well it seems "comeuppance" is a big part of socialization. I find it completely idiotic, but that seems to be a big part of it. Could be one of the reasons I chose to avoid the majority of socialization....

There is so much I can relate to in this thread; so much so that I wish I could reply to each and every post. I feel so much for everyone who's suffered rejection.

I've had many a rejection in my life, but here a few:

This one's not really a rejection as such, but I guess a complete lack of a friend's support. A couple of months after my dad died when I was at university, I was having a bad time with it. So, I was able to get some extensions to coursework. A girl I had thought was amongst my better friends suddenly rounded on me one day and said: "I just can't believe you're still using that excuse to get away with doing your coursework". And to think I wanted to date her at one time ... lucky escape, eh?

My wedding was a good one for family rejection. People who refused to come with lame excuses: my uncle & wife (who I'd especially asked to represent my parents as my dad had died and my mum was seriously ill), my cousin & husband (too far to travel - WTF this is England, not travelling from LA to NY), my brother's ex with their 3 kids (2 of my nieces and my only nephew), my Godmother.

On top of that, my "best friend" from High School refused to come as well, because he was "too busy". This is despite the fact his parents told me he had nothing to do, because he was out of work. And yet the time I met him not that long before the wedding he seemed best mates again, chatty, personable.

With my wife's family we got all her immediate family, plus cousins, second cousins, great aunts & uncles etc - not one family member refused to come.

Now I get my relations bleating that I never come and visit them

I've had girls seemingly interested in dating, who immediately switched off as soon as the idea was mentioned.

I just don't understand how people's minds work. I guess it's like the time in American Dad when Stan overhears all the neighbours bitching about him. He only realises it's not just him when some kid points out that all the neighbours b***h about all the other neighbours all of the time. It still doesn't explain a lot of the rejection I've had though (like families are always supposed to turn up for weddings if they possibly can, aren't they?).

Some of my daughter's "friends" have been cyberbullying other "friends" (blocking, bitching behind their backs & to them, making up stories about them, e-mailing them from imaginary boyfriends & then dumping them). Some of it's over playground falling out, or who's done what with what friend and not another. What the heck is that all about?

I have no "best friends" anymore (wife excepted). It's never worked, so I don't even want to engage with people to that point. I've had no picture-book endings with friendships, where we end up best friends for life.

I'm being ignored right now, as it happens. My flatmate arrived earlier with my ex, and asked if I had done the dishes while he was out. I said no, I was busy (I was on here). He went into a visible strop, as did my ex, and stormed into the kitchen. Today is my day for dishes, which I prefer to do before bed. Also, there was no prior indication that they 'should' have been done before 12pm.

As for me, I couldn't handle it, and I had to go somewhere, anywhere. I have just returned after 3 hours, to a less than welcoming atmosphere. I have no idea why it is this way.

But yes, we are talking about pasts.
In school, I was 'generally' rejected. No particular cases in point.

Since school, I lost an ex after introducing her to a 'friend'. There one day, ditching me the next.

This one doesn't class as rejection as such, but is probably worth noting. I was with my third girlfriend for 6 years, and during that time we had 3 daughters. Mainly due to my 'failures to engage' during parental assessment, each one was removed at birth and later adopted.

In December 2007, I found a new girlfriend. We 'seemed' happy (to me, anyway), until she ditched me by SMS on New Year's Day, citing 'it wasn't working out' as a reason. She then proceeded to ignore all my calls.

We met up again in September, and entered a 'friends with benefits' situation, which again only lasted a month.

I got a new girlfriend in November, and we lasted only 9 days together. She ditched me in a conversation with her friend on Facebook. All I knew of it was what the conversation said, publicly displayed on her profile, and the fact that Facebook proudly put "X went from 'in a relationship" to "single"' on my news feed.

Shortly after (just days), my 'perennial half-girlfriend' from before reappeared to comfort me. All was ok in our 'friends with benefits' until mid January, when she cut all communication (and Facebook) again!! This time, she keeps adding me and removing me almost weekly. Still fairly good MSN contact, if a bit sporadic.

Still, I have my religion. I made it myself, and looking again, it seems like my idea of an ideal world. The core principles are about uniting people, without fighting diversity.

But then, feeling cast aside and rejected, I guess it explains my 'soft spot' for the Pagan religions. Sort of a shared experience, considering what happened centuries ago.

I feel a need to stand up for everyone who's posted stories here on this thread. There needs to be much more awareness, to prevent any of it happening in the future. Nobody deserves to be denied happiness, and I'm very sure the majority of NT's will be just as touched and horrified as we all are. Of course, those responsible have probably forgotten all about it, as they probably thought nothing of it. I am almost doubtless that if they were here, reading these posts, their minds would be full of lead-heavy guilt. If they had more awareness, there would be a substantially smaller number of horror stories...,

... or am I just optimistic?

((((hugs all))))

~Loving Light~