Cruel(lest) ways you've been rejected?

Post Reply New Topic

- Lord Kristov

So much to relate to in everyone's stories, I don't have time to comment on all! But rest assured I relate very much.

One more that classifies as cruel(lest) rejection: During the worst time of my life I met a woman online and we corresponded intensively for about 4 years. It was a very special connection and conversation. She kept repeating how she'd always be there for me and how special I was to her. Not that I believe these things, haven't for many years, but still... One day I sent her an email as usual and she had blocked me. End of story. Some people are just s**t with 2 eyes.

i really feel one of the worst ways is when someone is not straight down the line with you...when people do not say what they mean but string you along anyway.
for me as an aspie, that is probably the biggest and worst dumping you cen ever give. To not be straight, to not give clarity. to not answer questions, to leave you in a very awful space of not knowing.

Most humans find this unbearable. I suspect many AS people find it cruel and almost so devastating it breaks trust forever.

i try to watch out for that in my life - but i am so lousy at judging people it still happens.

I was kicked out of a band for some reason...by the two other girls in the band.
I was also kicked out of my first apartment by my roommates because I "didn't fit in"
I was unanimously rejected by all the friends of one of my earlier boyfriends, and they were not very nice about it...

blah blah...

just being plain ignored.

I can relate to a lot of the posts on this thread. Once in school I was in a class and I sat down with a group of girls. One of the girls actually said "Don't Sit here." I then asked "Why not?" and she said "You're not our type." Go sit with those girls over there." When I was in eighth grade I went to a slumber party at someone's house. When I was asleep someone came and poured Kool-Aid all over me. And of course in elementary school I was always the only one not invited to a birthday party.

When I was a freshman in college my roommate moved out with the explanation that I was different. I said "What do you mean" and she said "I don't know. You're just different." Then she had the nerve to say "You're a sweet person."

Once I went to a summer camp when I was thirteen years old. I hated it. My Dad made me go to it; it was a horse camp and I had never been horse back riding before. I got thrown off of a horse and I cried for a long time because it was scary. One of the staff said "You are one of the most insecure individuals I have ever met."! One of the other campers thought I was crippled and one had the nerve to say in front of me "It's probably not her fault that she can't do much of anything."

Well, the cruelest thing still stands out at the age of 40...and it happened when I was in middle school.

Before anyone knew about AS, I was a kid who was the social outcast. A problem then (as it is now) is that I was starved for attention and affection, so anyone who let me get close tended to be overwhelmed.

My mom had a friend. That woman had two kids. They came over and we would play. Sometimes we'd go over there and we'd play while the adults did their thing.

Naturally, I had no way to distinguish if someone was being polite or actually liked me....frankly, I was so starved for social interaction that I didn't care (although I would hope it was the latter). In hindsight, I can see that I wasn't much of a "friend" to this woman's son. I always wanted to play with his toys and do things with him that interested me, but he either never made a big deal about it or I never picked up on it (if not a bit of both).

After a few months of occasional visits over. This boy was having his birthday (IIRC). He was into D&D so I got him one of the newest D&D games in the toy store (not a lot of money, but I thought he'd like it).

At this party were the boy's REAL friends. I understood that I had to "share" him with the others, but almost immediately he began spending his time with them and somewhat avoiding me. I was like a proverbial puppy following the litter hoping for whatever scraps were dropped that nobody else snatched up before I could get to them.

I suppose my constant tagging along was an annoyance. One of the the REAL friends asked him (with a tone of irritation) who I was and why I was there.

This boy (who I thought was my friend because he was nice to me) said, "Oh, he's just my mother's friend's son."

He knew my name, but he didn't use it.

I never heard myself referred to in the 3rd person....when I was in the room.

To say I was shocked was an understatement. I wanted to cry (something I did only in extreme emotional distress) because I knew he didn't want me at his party, but the realization that I was never his friend was just too much to process at that moment.

I had the presence of mind to quietly walk out of the room. I found a room I could sit in alone until it was time to leave. After that day I refused to ever go back to that house. I never talked to my parents about what happened and they didn't ask any questions. I don't know how much they ever figured out about what happened that night.

I learned that night to never mistake people being polite for friendship. It wouldn't be the only time I made a mistake along those lines, but given the young age and the circumstances, this had to be the worst thing I experienced.

Someone played a cruel joke on another girl by calling me up and inviting me to a non-existent party at her house....

RE: Anger and bitterness.

It's interesting how much anger and bitterness issues some people in this thread seem to struggle with over past garbage.

It isn't that I have no "anger" over what I lost because of AS (and not knowing about it) for the last 40 years, but right now, I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of me.

For over 20 years, I blamed myself for failing as "a man" because I couldn't accomplish what other "men" were able to achieve.

I perceived my failures as a shortcoming in my character....for being "weak."

Now, I understand that there is something "off" within me that cannot be fixed. All I can do is do what I've done my whole life...adapt to fit in better with "normal" society, but I'll never be "normal" myself. If anything, I have "succeeded" quite well considering all that I have has come from hard work to overcome something I never truly understood until now.

As far as the brutish behavior of others....frankly, I stopped caring about them (even more so than an AS person might be inclined to not care about others).

People do stupid things. Kids do stupid and selfish things because they don't know better. Adolescents and (sadly) young adults do whatever their peer groups say to do. Many adults are just jerks.

I have enough people in my life who largely accept me the way I am. It's not a big group, but it's enough to know I'm not some "mistake" that has no place in the world.

I've wasted enough time being angry and "hating" over past hurts....most of it directed at myself. I think I've given enough of my already short existence to that waste of energy.