Social vs Nonsocial Aspies

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I like being social but I haven't had much of an opportunity to be as of late, which I have found a little depressing. But I do have some social cluelessness which, by and large, people find more amusing than anything else thankfully. I have annoyed people in the past, but then I never know when I am doing that or boring people unless they tell me. If they don't then I go on with myself lol.

All alone--thank goodness topic

WP is about as social as I get. If I need dialogue I go to chat.

I vary. Around people I know very well and am free to be weird around and also accept any quirks or defects they might have, I can be very extroverted, to the point of loud and hyperactive.

Otherwise, I tend to be withdrawn.

If this is how you see it, I'll burst that one right away. I have never been social and never had human friends (several from the animal kingdom). I have never been unaccepting about myself, and when I learned about AS some years ago I recognised the parts of me that sets me apart so I haven't had any hard time accepting Aspieness at all. I recognise it as natural (for me).

I must admit this is so fascinating. Seeing the wide variety of responses and were each person is on any given scale posted here at WP. There is everything from those that love and accept themselves with little reservation to those that want change so badly that they are willing to try new therapies ect.

I go through periods of being social and unsocial.

Right now I like socializing because I've met a good group of people (we all like the same band). They are a little older than me, which doesn't really bother me. They know that I have AS, and are very accepting of it.
I still have moments of not knowing what to say, and the most recent time it was a singer of a band. I just sort of stared at him and he stared at me expecting me to say something. So, I sent him the photos I took of his band and said I had AS but didn't hear back from him. Oh well. I am friendly with other band members. It did take me some time to get over that incident.

When I'm social a lot and I get home I find that I can't continue with my special interests, even a few days later. So I have to somehow work around this, because I like being a bit social but I like spending time on my interests as well.

By the logic, a non-social aspie will be much more accepting of himself than a social aspie; after all, his social akwardness will bother him much less.

someone wrote that a social Aspie could be more or less accepting of himself, depending of the outcome of his attempts of social interaction. But, if you are an Aspie many or most of your social interaction will be failures (almost by definition).

^ yes indeed, TPE2! Before in earlier years I was missing to have friends so much that it hurted badly and I made many attempts to be social. But all the effort and and all struggle and trouble around it made me totally loose energy for it by the time. I stopped beeing eager for a social life and when I accepted that Im not social I have actually felt better with myself...

Certain things have made me not trust humanity, (most of it) and i've never been social AT ALL, even though i have some friends, 7 i think, and this is what made me become misanthropich and distrusting: One time, an aspie friend of mine who is somewhat socail, heard that the bell at school rang for a special purpose; NO EXAMS , I hovewer was having a s***day because my techers constantly poked my sides while treating me like s***t unlike the ret*d guy beside me, and i said to my kind aspie; "Have something i must tell you-", and then as mentioned before, the bell rang and he went along students up the stairs and i saw a smile on his face, it told me "I dont care about you", and he rushed with the students after saying; "I must run along with them

What i completely felt was sickeningness, i felt like vomiting, al this for special reasons, and then i said to myself "THIS FINISHES MY TRUST IN HUMANITY, I CAN NEVER TRUST ANYONE ANYMORE, NO MATTER WHERE I MIGHT GO, I CANNOT TRUST THEM, ONLY THE PEOPLE CLOSE TO ME AND MY FRIENDS, + THE PEOPLE HERE ON WP, I WILL NEVER SMILE TO THEM AGAIN AND I WILL PROMISE TO MYSELF THAT I WILL REMAIN AS DETACHED AS I CAN BE."

I am a certain mix of the two, but I admit I would consider myself social if I had to choose. But 8 year ago it would have completely been asocial, for I just disliked everyone in general even those that might have liked me.

I still got need to spend time alone but now I feel the need to speak to other, it a bit hard to actually describe, guess it was because I actually liked to have people talk to me when I was younger (I remember going in some kind of semi-trance state when people spoke to me while younger) and I actually talked a lot (now if people liked what I was saying I got no idea, all I remember is them saying to stop shouting for I had a permanently loud voice).

Trouble now is that opposed of when I was younger is that I got all kind of trauma, stigma and fear that add themselves to the difficulty comming from been AS. At least I might have found someone who willing to accept those difficulty I got, and whose not a therapist, which might help overcome quite a few of my difficulty, let just hope for me this relation go on well and if go sour at least that person, by some simple gesture, has helped me get over my depression, even through she didn't to that gesture for this reason, just came to have that effect on me.

Think I went on rambling, and not sure if what I said actually made sense, just wrote has it came and don't like to erase and correct what I said when it is emotional. Going to stop now or will go on rambling again.

I'm worse off than everyone here - I've got s**t social skills and low IQ.

Well, my social skills are better than my intelligence, but I'm scared to express my feelings in case people say ''oh stop moaning'' or something. But I love small talk and gossip, and I hate working on my own.

I would have better social skills if I watched more TV, but cos I couldn't give a s**t about celebs, I can't say anything about them. I just like ''general talk''.

It's my intelligence what's low.

Asperger's AND low intelligence - it's worse than having Alzheimer's.

Now that I'm older I've gotten to be a good conversationalist and charming (or so folks say) so the general population thinks I am a sociable, outgoing person. But it is more or less an act. I act as the entertainer for people whenever I go out. Its fun. It's like being a comedian.

I actually really need a lot of time alone. If I don't get alone time everyday I become a demon!

I am (very) social for someone with an autism spectrum disorder. I think people find conversations with me enjoyable: I may make jokes or may laugh of my conversation partner's jokes. I must feel relaxed and being accepted, before I become more social. I like to joke around, and especially with women.

I still miss some social clues, but people that know me, accept me like I am, and forgive me because I don't see everything that is related to social skills.

I enjoy socialising with people who I know one-on-one, if I could I'd do that for an hour or two every day. It's nice to have a bit of company.

Socialising with groups of people of more than 3 or 4 other people really wears me out though. I think whenever the group is large enough to have separate conversations going on at the same time is when I start to struggle. If I have to spend a prolong period with a lot of people then my mood tends to drop and I get very irritable, which as I have a tendency to voice my opinions sometimes gets me into trouble. I'm generally ok again the next day, but I'm really not good at big social things.

The only good thing about socialising in large groups is the ability to hide away from everyone for a while to recover. It took me a long time to realise I could be sat in a group of 10-12 people and mind my own business for hours while they got on with talking and drinking, and at the end they think I've still been out and been sociable.

I am not, and never was, a social person.

I would so much like to be able to socialize normally that, sometimes, it literally hurts.

We will be hosting a party here Saturday for 30 - 40 people - friends of my BF. I know well over half of them, and most of the ones I know, I could sit and talk with (one-on-one) for an hour or more with no problem. Because it is a large group, however, I already know what I'll do. I'll spend the entire evening shuttling between the bar, the buffet, and the desert table, making sure everything stays stocked and the dirty dishes are picked up. That way, I'm circulating and visible, but (since I'm "busy") I won't have to really speak to anyone. We had a thing here at Easter and that's how I handled it - but I couldn't even talk to my own brother because I was so stressed.

So, yeah, I'd like to be social, but I have no idea how to do it. Makes me want to cry sometimes, but I think I've forgotten how.