Is emotional age difference always a problem?

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Intellectually, I'm very old. Emotionally, I'm about 15. I find myself oddly drawn to better Disney productions aimed at teenagers that don't involve relationships.

In American society, cross-generational friendships are frowned upon. That doesn't stop me from befriending a 94 year-old (OK, that lasted one year, but where was the harm?) or trying to be friends with younger people (usually without success). A younger coworker thought it was strange for me to spend a day with a 10 year older friend. We enjoyed ourselves, is that terrible? This coworker turned out to be a friend who wasn't a friend. I did her a big favor once and listened to some personal stuff in confidence. Now, I'm a nonentity to her.

I think that I am more mature than my years. I think this is characterised by the fact that much of my friends are at least 5 years or more older than I am, as is my boyfriend. I seem to find myself more mentally enriched by conversations and relationships I have with older people, although I am friends with younger people too. However, the younger people I do communicate with are either intelligent and/or have some form of ASD and are relatively mature themselves, not something I have ever reflected on before, but now it makes sense as to why I get on with them.

Emotionally, I wouldn't say I am that immature really. I generally tend to have a good level of control over certain emotions and am more emotionally aware than I was as a teenager (I suppose most are), if that makes any sense. But then I am also emotionally guarded and don't like to show my emotions to people all that often, but then, having an ASD, I guess that's part of the territory. I remain like this to guard myself from being hurt as I feel that, inevitably, many people who claim to care about you in your life will do this through some form of action or simply disappearing without telling you they are going or slowly phasing you out. There is a song by Nine Inch Nails, covered by Johnny Cash called 'Hurt' and I can relate to a line out of that song: 'everyone I know goes away in the end'. However, depending on how close I am to a person, my involvement with them and how much I trust them, I will display more emotions toward certain people than others.

When I was younger, I used to retaliate to people who wanted to hug me or touch me rather unpleasantly by pushing, shouting or screaming etc. Nowadays, I have found ways to brush people off without coming across as unpleasant, violent or uncontrollable. I never really got close to people when I was younger either as I couldn't handle the emotional feelings that came with being closer to another person, now I can. In the case of romantic emotions, I now know what I want from a person and feel that if someone cannot fulfil what I require emotionally, then I don't want them. They could bribe me with money and gifts for all I care, if I am not emotionally satisfied, they can get lost as money and gifts hold no value for me, particularly from someone who cannot emotionally enrich me or even interest me. I honestly don't know how someone can get with someone over money, because although it can buy you some very nice things, it can't buy you love or emotional stability. I could not make a physical connection with someone who I did not value, so how these people do it is beyond me, they must have no respect for themselves or the people they are with to do this.

yes it is a problem for me. i have simple emotions and they are not well defined.
my main doctor said that my emotional age would not develop beyond what is normal for a 14 year old.
i can see how she was correct.

i can not see the deeper "picture" in adult conversation. i can hear the words they say, but whatever the motive they have for saying them is not understood by me.

i can not perceive well the social damage i cause by the way i act. i can not understand why people are offended deeply for weeks about something that i may do or say.
i am always spontaneous and i am often surprised at how people are taken aback about what i choose to say.

but at the end of the day, i do not care and they do. i can sleep and they remain awake in a disgruntled manner.

most everyone i ever met cares more than i do, and in a deeper way than i do about how their lives are progressing.

they are grown up.

i seem to fit in better with 11 and 12 year old people so i guess i really could be 11 with the way my brain works

the closer to my age the other people is seems to make more problems trying to fit in and fail

added

i only want to have friends that it is not a lot of work to try to fit in and will not hate me for not understanding a thing

i guess i do better if have friends that is the same age my brain is and do not see the difference between what i do as a friend and what the big brother program does

Last edited by jamieg on 15 Aug 2009, 4:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I agree with this statement. I have had "friends," who for reasons unfathomable to
me, would try to do me all sorts of favors that made me uncomfortable to accept.
One of them was an older woman, who kept offering me things; cast off clothing,
household stuff that she no longer wanted, etc. I would tell her that I valued her
friendship above any material thing that she could give me, but she kept offering
until I got irritated with her. Another friend insisted that I use her car whenever
she didn't need it. While I appreciated that, I felt like she was doing this in order
to ensure the friendship. Others have offered me money, which insulted me
because I wasn't in desperate need!

And, I often see instances where people will form a purely sexual relationship,
but treat each other with disrespect. Like the above poster says, I need to both feel
valued, and to find the other person valuable, to become intimate with them.

ditto

Fiz, you are so right about so many things there. Especially about trust and emotional distance, and about fulfilment.
I can see I still have a lot to learn, though.

My maturity levels are sorta all over the place. I can sometimes come across as very serious which is sometimes a deception for maturity. Socially and emotionally, my maturity level is equivalent to someone in there early teens 13, 14 and Im 20.

Yes, it is a problem with me. My maturity/ emotional age is at least 10 years behind but my interests are beyond my years and more like a 60 + year old when I am "only" 26. I am obsessed with current events/ politics/ economy and that's an old person thing. Also medical diseases/ disorders are a big interest. But I am like a kid in other ways. I am also intellectually behind even though my mom always says that I am bright. I can't figure out simple things.