Ever been told to be more social?

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I find myself sitting quietly at social occasions, but I still think it's very important to at least make an effort.

It's all very well for people to say stuff like "I'm just not a social person" or "I don't like having to interact socially", but to me, that just sounds rather immature, the sort of thing a precocious 13-year old would say. I was like that as a teen and well into my twenties, but later in life I had a hard look at how I must have been coming across and realised I must have looked like a grumpy, unlikeable bastard. It was no wonder I was isolated, made fun of and given the cold shoulder.

If it's too much of an effort, just do the basics and let your lack of social skills do the rest: "How are you?" "I'm fine thanks, and you?" "fine, thanks"...conversation fizzles, they walk off, you can now retire to the sidelines and play on your games console or whatever. At least you've established that you are a human being, not some zombie.

Sorry if this sounds rather negative and ranty - I know how difficult all this can be for people - but I've learned that you have to put a bit, even just a tiny bit, into life to get something out of it.

No not really. Although my mum tells me I need to get out more when I bang on about internet nerd stuff to her, but she does have a point.
And the people I talk to tend to be a bit anti social themselves so they don't say all that stuff to me.

I used to do stuff like that all the time. I started laughing audibly in church every week because I saw some of the sillier names in the Bible, and then I imagined them on people in today's society. No one else might find it funny, but after a few weeks I had to learn to not open my Bible because I knew what would happen :\

I'm always told to be more social by my parents. They find it disturbing that I would easily rather stay in my room all day playing my games.

My mother. My lack of socializing led to my mom having me be checked out and my diagnosis.

I think I did socialise, just not in the way that people expected me, a female, to socialise.

I believe that I have been socialising, if responding to other people's questions; comforting others when they were upset and offering practical advice when asked counts. I just trained myself over the years to respond politely to what people said in a friendly way. They appreciated that. I was socialising with lots of people, but not in the way that other people would expect me to. Perhaps I came across as passive, but this was probably just a defense mechanism, so I don't upset people. I don't like upsetting others.

I've learned through experience that if I approach most people and say hello to them first, it can end in confrontation. People are so much happier and comfortable if I let them approach me first, so this is what I've done.

It seems that people are expected to socialise by sticking with the same group of friends or group all the time. This can mean that if there if a disagreement or fall out, a person can be isolated, especially in a close knit group of females.

I've learned that if I spread the risk i.e. "put my eggs in more than one basket" *idiom* and become friends or acquainted with different people from different groups, if one person falls out with me, there are always others in reserve. It also means that there are other places I can go and other things I can do. It also means that I can have a "cool off" period away from the source of the trouble, before perhaps returning to discuss issues with the person I've disagreed with.

The only issue is when I like several people equally, on courses I can't decide who's group to join or who to pair up with. It's tough and one major disadvantage to this system I created for myself. Because they were already in close social groups and pairs, most of the hard work was already done for them.

I wonder if there are in fact different socialising strategies, perhaps suitable for different goals and purposes?

I find it strange that the social skills I've read haven't considered variations in temperament or socialising strategies.

Perhaps there are more and different methods of socialising than are currently being given credit for?