Just how naive is an aspie supposed to be?

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Perhaps the facilitator is naive

But since AS is such a large spectrum, there must have been precedent for it where some parent at some time took some AS kid there who had handed over their wallet. We are very trusting.

By the way, could I see your wallet for a second? Just pass it over here... that's right.

I deal with confidential information at work and i always have to stop and think really hard about if the person requesting something is allowed to receive it, i double and treble check it with myself.

I guess that's the NT/Autism thing again, NT's would naturally know it's a bad thing, autistic people have to learn it, so for the wallet situation, it's obvious if you've learnt that lesson, or another similar lesson and you can apply it, but if you've not, it's no more obvious than any randon exam question.

On Who wants to be a millionaire in the UK the host has a saying about the questions

"They're only easy if you know the answer"

I always think that sums up life with autism well, most of us here think the wallet situation is easy becuase we know the answer, but if we didn't, we just wouldn't be able to work it out intuitively.

I once let somoene siphon gas out of my gas tank right in front of me. He said he was out of gas and could he borrow a gallon so I said sure. He seemed nice enough.

At least he asked first.

I don't trust anyone at all anymore. They pretended to be my friends, and like me. Only for me to do their homework, and for them to laugh at me behind my back.

Though I have a cousin whom I suspect has AS as well(actually I'm pretty sure he does, he's older than me, about some...six or so years), and he's awfully naive. He traded someone else his brand new cell phone for an old car. Apparently, they were giving the car away, cause they needed to make a phone call or something. They would bring it to his house to give it back in a couple of hours. Of course, they took the phone and never came back. A couple of girls have also taken advantage of him. He gave one of them practically all his money, then she left him. Not to mention once he gave away his car, and had to stand around 1am waiting for the bus. He's still making large payments on a motorcycle he let someone borrow, as well. Those are just a few things.

Maybe that too. Like I said before, maybe she was catering to everybody, accounting for every depth of naivety. And to be fair, a few there seemed more autistic than just aspergers.

I think some of us are actually more jaded and suspicious than NT's. I know I am.

I am a lot of the time, as an adult...

There was this woman who would ask me for help with things a lot, like helping her get some food for her house, and I would always help her. When it started, she said she would pay me back, but then I hit a point when I knew she wouldn't pay me back because she never had... yet, still it was in the back of my mind, thinking she just might, because she said she would, so I always helped her.

As far as the wallet thing, I might would hand it over... not if they just asked to see it, but if they had some reason for it. Like, if someone said "I have that same wallet (and they really do) and want to see if it has this weird mark on it like mine does", I would probably hand it over not thinking anything about it. I just trust people too easily.

Thinking about it now though, from the perspective of things you should not do, lol, I would probably take the contents out first before handing it to them to look at it. Just to remove any reason to run off with it pretty much, and if they did, it wouldn't matter 'cuz it's empty...

But I'm also not officially an Aspie. I just have HFA, so I dunno if that plays a part or not.

Sorry pet hate. You don't just have HFA, you have HFA.

Everyone at work hates me for this correction but i don't like the negative aspect of using "just" in that way. It's like when people say "oh i'm just a temp", no you're a temp, which is equally as valid as being perminent. Or someone is just a labourer or just a trainee.

I don't know what's going on so people can cheat me in things f.e. tomorrow we have to come two hours earlier. But I'm used to NTs and I have become sometimes paranoid suspicious. Not always but sometimes I say I don't believe you! when it's not fake.

Not so long ago I wrote on Aspie's parents forum I thought I go to school to know more and I'm angry there are many hours and not so much knowledge. No proportions!.
Naive! - they answered.

I've pretty much managed to figure out what people are up to, it's necessary when living on my own for the past 12 years in some big cities. I think of how naive I was at a young age and shudder.. but I am still learning now, I work in a political environment and have to cope with various people with various agendas, and some people who seem to be following no particular agenda and are just lazy.

If someone tells me "I'll meet you at noon tomorrow at x location", whether that is likely to actually happen or not depends on the person but it breaks down generally like this:

50% - they will actually be at x location + or - 10 minutes from when they say
25% - they will call or text and say they can't
5% - they won't call, and i will call them and ask them what is going on
20% - they won't call, and i will say "f*** it" and go eat a hamburger

Sometimes I try to impose my expectations on others. It doesn't make me any friends most of the time, but at least I feel better. I don't like being jerked around.

By the way... the most drunk I've ever been was at a German beer hall in Wisconsin. I drank most of a 5L stein, and a 2L women's glass boot. I could barely walk at all, but I still had the presence of mind to hand my wallet to a friend because I knew I would be too easy to pickpocket at that point.

The facilitator in the original post was a doofus.

If you were so naive enough to give your wallet to a stranger, you wouldn't know what as wallet is for.

It reminds me of silly warning signs - the result of law suits I suppose e.g.

I once emptied out my bank account because a stranger was having a "family emergency." I later found out he was a crackhead. I was warned that since I was an easy target, he might come back and next time violently demand money.

I did that two years ago and i'm 41.

Now that you mention it... I can be overly generous in lending people money too. Or at least I used to.

A few hundred here, a few hundred there, once or twice a few thousand. That I got most of it back was due both to luck and a great deal of tenacity in collecting what was owed.

Don't ever lend money to an artist or musician though

It still boggles my mind that it doesn't seem to bother these people that much that they owe a debt to me. In one case, the person was insistent that I cancel the debt due to indigence... give me a break, what are you, Africa? This was less than a month after I lent the money.

I don't know.
I think that everyone’s naïve at something as no-one can possibly know everything.

I’m not naïve about the local wildlife, but I’m very naïve about the local human life. I also took things that people said very literally. I didn’t allow for human nature or the simple fact that people are animals.

I was told (mostly by well meaning men) that women could be independent and could do anything that they set their minds to. So, I walked around by myself for a while and tried to be independent. People kept asking me if I was “okay” or if I was “lost”. I said I was “fine”, but I was offended by their comments. I received a lot of odd looks as relaxed by myself in the park and went about my errands for the day. I noticed that men were allowed to go on solitary walks and relax by themselves in public. I’ve noticed a woman can only go on a solitary walk if she has a dog. I now realise that the dog is for defence.

Usually women and girls hang around in groups and do things together. I now realise that this is for protection: safety in numbers. This means that any unwanted males can be fended off easily. If one man approaches a group of women, he will be outnumbered. In fact, there seems to be a kind of female social “vetting system”. I stumbled on this by accident. If a man approaches you and other women are within range, the women will come over and provide social/emotional back-up. They will ask who the man is and/or provide you with information about the man if they know him. If they don’t know the man, they will scowl at him and tell him to go away. I realise now that this is actually a very sensible safety system against being attacked by men. One of the by products of this system is gossip. The women may inadvertently spread untrue rumours about the man or you. They may also encourage you to talk to the man in a way that isn’t comfortable, necessary or appropriate for the given situation. They may misread the situation entirely and assume something else if you and the man are just casual acquaintances. They may also be right about the man’s intentions and friendly/genuine women.

Basically, the women in the group are social judges of the man.
In order for him to “get through to the next round” and join the group of women, the man must win the women’s social approval. He must fit all of the required criteria and sending out the right signals, or he’s “out”. If he “seems okay”, then he’s “in”. That’s social proof.

I actually believed in everything that people told me about “equality and opportunity for all”. Now that’s naïve.

I followed what people told me to the letter. I talked to men and women as equals. I didn’t clique up with the women because I didn’t know how to clique up. Nobody explicitly told me about this social vetting system. Nobody ever said that women had to hang around in groups for mutual protection either. I think they should have done.

Amber Eyes, I think your post was very interesting. I never thought of it that way, but you made me think of all kinds of things I've experienced/witnessed.

Regarding giving one's wallet to someone else, I wouldn't do that, and it seems obvious to me, but I do have a friend who is independent, works, etc., but I bet he had to be told that. (whoa, that phrase looks trippy, no?). I suspect he has AS.

There were a few things my therapist suggested to help curb my obsessive behavior that were so very obvious but I'd never thought of them. When I looked at her, exclaiming, "that's a great idea!", she looked at me a little surprised because I think she thought, "this girl's very bright...yet, she never thought of this...huh.". She looked a little caught off guard. I felt very, well, I don't know if naive is the right word, but like someone else knew something obvious that had never occurred to me. Wait, that's what naive means isn't it.....

So, honestly, I'll take any advice that someone might want to give in terms of how to get along easier in this world, because clearly, I haven't thought of everything. If it's too easy, it shouldn't take them too long to cover it and them move on to stuff I could use.