uncertainofhim wrote:
I have alot of questions, cause I think my boyfriend has aspergers (uncertainofhim) I finally conviced him to get checked by a Doctor. His family or his mom to be exact think he's just an a**hole and stupid but being his g-friend of 10 years, I know he'smart and sensitive. I've come to the end with him, I thought that maybe he is with me because he does'nt want be alone . Because he's not as affectionate or there for me emotionally.So we are having the same arguement over and over. I know tooo much info I'm oversharing .lol. I can't talk to anyone who's understanding his mom thinks he's just an idoit nothing's wrong with him but anyt ype of talking like kids ,moving even a job like a carpender she's said even in front of him "he's too stupid" or something to the effect of him failing(while he's standing there just pacing). Then talking to my family it's always "there's something wrong with him, break up with him" I also feel like maybe he just does'mt love me. I know I am not making excuses for him and believe me I'm not perfect at all but I believe this website can help I've notice alot of similarities between aspies and my b/f I know lonnng winded please reply someone . this must be really hard for him too. also How long did it take for you's to except (once diagnosed by a doctor) and be ok with it? He has fine motors sklls problems os he thinks aspie's are all only genius's
I recommend you show him the real diagnostic criteria for AS, and also the circumstances in which someone would be diagnosed with autistic disorder or PDD-NOS instead. You don't have to be a genius to be diagnosed with any of these things, most people are not in that category. If you show him documentaries or interviews with autistic people, show him a good range of people, including those who can appear quite normal at first as it sounds like he probably does, so that he knows that it can be more subtle than he might realise. Most important is to see the real diagnostic criteria though, because it's easy to get the idea from more mainstream sources that everyone with it has every or most possible signs and symptoms, which is far from true, hence it's called a syndrome, or that certain things are always signs of autism, when they could be related to other things entirely.
If you search on Youtube for autistic people 'stimming', 'rocking' and 'pacing' he might recognise himself more clearly, especially if there are even more unusual stims that you're not aware of (some of mine only happen when I'm very engrossed in a daydream or train of thought, which in turn only happens when I'm alone). Before finding them by chance on Youtube I had no idea other people did them, even though I knew about stimming in general. Alternative explanations for rocking and pacing are severe stress or trauma. Most other stims are not related to these though, to my knowledge.
For me, I don't have to be stressed to rock, and not all stress triggers rocking, but not being able to rock when I want to can cause stress. This might make it seem like it serves to relieve stress in the first place, but I find it just helps my mind function more effectively in general. It helps me stay alert yet calm, helps me daydream or think creatively, helps my thoughts stay on track. The stress I experience when I can't do it is actually caused by my mind not feeling capable of whatever task it's got to get through, instead I start to feel overwhelmed by competing physical and psychic sensations suddenly swarming around and refusing to be tamed until more rocking can 'clear the fog'. I have no problem not rocking if my mind seems capable of whatever it's doing without it, even if stressed.