The mystery of normal people!! !!

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if you are trying to be nice to win friends then you indeed have a motive for being nice, however innocent. But your body language is telling then you are faking being nice because you want something, which you do. Even though you cant read this body lanuage, they can read it like a billboard on your face even if they do so at a subconscious level and dont know why they are wary of you.

What to do??
Be yourself, blatently yourself and they will like your genuineness like a breath of fresh air

When I was in high school, I tried to be everything folks wanted me to be...I even tried being a bad @ss abut none of it worked untill I decided to be truely myself...When I went to college, I was 100 percent ME....warts and all and I had friends and ppl who liked me just because I was "unique".

When you are yourself and comfortable about that ppl will want to be like that too so they will want to be your friend.

No, at least I don't think so!

In my example or my situation now, (and I must apologise for that, I got a bit 'rantish' there, sorry); the 'culture' in the work place there is to be offensive towards each other to 'bond'; it's what they do. And I'm sure there are many other work places which are the same.

If you don't join in (and happen to be very quiet, like myself), they don't trust you; so they turn the banter into something completely different especially for you (or me, in this case); there's no fun involved in it, it's never done in a way in which you can join in or defend yourself, it's purely done with the intention to hurt on the sly.

I think it's because they find the niceness incinsere, because they aren't used to it and they percieve the not 'joining in' as someone who isn't really speaking their mind, not a 'team player' and can't laugh at themselves, so not to be trusted.

I find these kinds of exchanges very tiring to listen to; the constant 'put downs'; it seems no one has the ability to be verbally 'nice' to each other.
But this is a workplace environment; I'm fully aware that niceness is also mistrusted in other environments, I just don't have many examples accessible right now, what with my awful memory!

I am the hubby with 7 children(1 of which is step) and possibly 4/6 of my children are showing Aspie traits.

Thus I am Aspieda[/quote

I hope I didn't offend with my comment? It really wasn't meant to be critical. I'm aware that there are many people here with children or parents using the forums because they have children with AS or Autism.

My point was that everyone seems to be on 'high alert' at the moment because of various incidents across the globe or probably because we have more access to knowledge of horrible incidents; so anyone who doesn't adhere to the 'norm' of society (whether they have AS or not) is subject to scrutiny or judgment.

In my case, one thing people find odd is that I haven't got a partner or children at my age, because it's what I should have 'aquired' by now if I was 'normal'; so there must be something suspicious going on if I can't do that!
So, when I go to town, the cinema etc, I'm on my own, and some people find that suspicious (of course I do 'act' fairly suspicious, but that's because I'm a bag of nerves most of the time!); "why is someone of that age and female on their own, looking a bit shifty, what are they up to?"
Perhaps, it has to do with age and being female (many women have at least one friend they regularly do 'things' with, rather than doing them alone).......I don't know, maybe?

This didn't really have anything to do with the original topic, so I probably shouldn't have included it!

I am a genuinely nice person and always get taken advantage of. I don't know why. I can't understand how- especially supposed friends- can do this. I would never do that to someone.