I'm worried people think I'm making excuses.
I have noticed that NTs seem to pick up on lack of eye contact and think that it's weird when people don't make eye contact. It's the old story of people wanting others to conform to accepted forms of behaviour, I guess. Making eye contact does get easier with practice, though, even if it does take a long time for it to feel even vaguely comfortable.
You've mentioned some of the things your family have said to you. Maybe your family is trying to encourage you to 'behave normally' so that you can fit in with your peers? It may be their way of being protective towards you. Or they may be trying to prepare you for the world of adulthood. Does that make any sense?
I'm dealing with something today... I made a post last night on Tumblr trying to be supportive to a minority group in which I have many friends. Said friends thought it was a nice gesture. But, a huge number of this group that saw it on Tumblr got on my case and laughed at me, saying I was being offensive and stupid.
I, of course, lapsed into a severe panic attack and tried to make amends the best that I could. But it only got worse. MUCH worse.
Anything and everything I did they shot down. I was spiraling into mental chaos and was reduced to a bawling mass of fragile human, and there was no way out of it. And it continued on into this morning. I suppose sometimes you just can't apologize and have to let it go, even though I want SO BADLY to make amends, and for them to stop hating me for what I thought was helpful. (And I'd rather not talk about what it was exactly, that would be getting off topic).
No, it's not that. It's mostly my sister.
My Dad is more severe than I am and my Mom is trying to understand it the best she can, but my older sister just gets into huge fights with me. She's the person who says that I'm using my Asperger's as an excuse the most.
I think it's because I was only recently diagnosed. But, I've lived with these symptoms all my life...
A lot of people probably do think you're making excuses. My response to that sort of nonsense is " people".
It helps to realise that most of those people are just nobodies like everyone else, whose opinions are no more valid than anyone else's, and who will, for the most part, have very little effect on your life.
As for family, there's a saying "You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family".
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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I
No, it's not that. It's mostly my sister.
My Dad is more severe than I am and my Mom is trying to understand it the best she can, but my older sister just gets into huge fights with me. She's the person who says that I'm using my Asperger's as an excuse the most.
I think it's because I was only recently diagnosed. But, I've lived with these symptoms all my life...
Sounds to me like your sister is jealous of you - maybe she thinks you are getting all the attention?
As I see it, Asperger's does affect a person's life and the way they behave, think etc, and it can make you behave differently to others. That's not your fault, it's just the way it is. There are some things you can work on, others you can learn to cope with, and some you need to learn to live with. It's a lot to deal with, though.
Back to your original question - maybe it's better to think in terms of Asperger's as being an explanation, instead of an excuse? The word 'excuse' suggests there is blame involved, whereas explanation is more fact-based.
I bet everyone on these forums has heard it a lot. I certainly have.
No advice on how to deal with it, unfortunately. Murder is still illegal.
People only say that because of the stigma. Actually, I think a lot of them are scared of what it would mean if AS "was" a real thing. Maybe it would severely attack the way they look at the world.
Having AS, I guess, seems to look to many people as if some people had a one-way ticket to success. I do not think they can imagine how horrible it is if you've been made to feel ashamed of yourself all your life and you just do not know what you did wrong.
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OliveOilMom
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Joined: 11 Nov 2011
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I didn't even know I had AS until a few years ago. I'm 47. I'm officially diagnosed and did some research and all, and it really explains a lot of things, but I don't tell many people I have it. By the time I got a dx, I had gotten used to the idea that I'm just wierd, eccentric, and straight and to the point, and people can either deal with it or kiss my *ss.
I did learn how to be polite and social, and I'll do that if I think the person deserves it, which is what I do with strangers or people I like. If it's someone I don't like though, they get my full rudeness and wrath. I say whatever I think about them, and it doesn't bother me a bit. In fact, I'll say the things about them that everybody else is thinking but just won't say.
Learn to be "normal" for when you have to be, and when you don't have or don't want to be, enjoy!
You sometimes get grudging admiration from others for saying whats on everyone else's mind but they are too polite to say. Just be careful that you don't hurt someone innocent with that though.
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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

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