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saaz
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04 Apr 2012, 6:35 am

" Aspies have obsessive interests. When they are really interested in something they find out everything they can about it, spend a lot of time on this interest and hate having to take a break from this interest to do something else. Some may talk excessively about their subject of interest, and due to the lack of social skills they often don’t notice that the listener is bored. Aspies usually have each obsessive interest for some time and then switch to another."

this is hw exactly my husband was .. calling me 24/7 even when he was on job and was fired later.. but he didn't stop calling me.. he was way too much into me.. use to snd me gifts everyday through a courier service.. then syddenly after 3 months of marriage he left me..



saaz
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04 Apr 2012, 6:59 am

btw my husband use to lie a lot to me before marriage.. after marriage when he told me about his lying i was shocked and asked why you lied he said to make you happy .. i said didn't you know hw would i react after finding out ur lies ..he simply said i thought u will understand..



jamieevren1210
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04 Apr 2012, 7:02 am

saaz wrote:
btw my husband use to lie a lot to me before marriage.. after marriage when he told me about his lying i was shocked and asked why you lied he said to make you happy .. i said didn't you know hw would i react after finding out ur lies ..he simply said i thought u will understand..


Now, lying for one would never be an autistic trait. I mean yeah, of course i can lie but you would bust me in a fraction of a second.


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readingbetweenlines
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04 Apr 2012, 10:35 am

I agree with Jamie. The whole lying thing points firmly away from ASDs. As far as I can make out people with ASDs are also very loyal and this person seems to be the opposite.

Compulsive lying is by some seen as a disorder in its own right, by others as a symptom of various disorders, but not of ASDs.


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Callista
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04 Apr 2012, 1:10 pm

Well.... it's not like we can't lie. We're just horrible at it. Lying is a rather sophisticated social behavior; you have to think of a lot of things at the same time--the truth, the lie you're concocting, what the other person is thinking and what he's likely to believe, the verbal and non-verbal expressions needed to make it sound authentic. That is very difficult and it's not something that a socially-challenged person tends to be good at.

You can tell in a second if I'm lying. It's pretty natural for autistic people not to lie--would you lie, if every time you did, you got caught?

Autistic special interests don't generally involve another person. They are usually specialist subjects. For example, I have been fascinated with things like feral cat management, astrophysics, Tetris, crochet, and the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. That would be much more typical.

OP, I don't think this is an autism thing at all. Like a lot of people have been saying--it doesn't matter if he has autism. What matters is that he left you, the marriage is over, and you're having trouble accepting that. You're stuck--you can't move on, can't mourn the loss of your relationship; and until you do, you're caught in this in-between place where you're just living in the past. That's painful, because you can't plan for the future.

It may be difficult for you to accept because you don't have a full explanation--you can't know what was going on in his mind and why he left, and in order to move on you want to have this neat, organized picture in your head of exactly what happened and why. Maybe that's why you're stuck like this.

One of the most difficult things to accept in life is that sometimes, there is no simple explanation. Sometimes, you'll never know. Living with uncertainty is one of the hardest things to do. I know; I'm autistic, and uncertainty is one of the things that is most difficult for me to handle as well. But it can be done. Look at the facts: He left you; so that part of your life is over now. But you still have your future. What would you like to do with that time? Do you want to learn a new skill, enter a new career, or perfect the skills you have now? Do you want another romantic relationship, in time; or would you be happier finding friendship instead? What are the hobbies you enjoy in your free time?

It's difficult to live with "I don't know". But for you, at least this particular "I don't know" is something you can put in your past. It's okay not to know.


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saaz
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05 Apr 2012, 7:31 am

@callista, thanks a million.. for your reply.. was just wondering you too are an autistic but look at your understanding of my situation..its credible..
obv i want to continue m life.. being an asian muslim woman its not that easy for us as is for your woman.. we have quiet a lot of limitations.. once married its huge stain on our life if separated ..the society doesnot accept a girl who is divorced..
this also is a reason but more than this i really blame myself for not understanding him or giving him what he wanted from me.. i've hurt him and made him dislike myself.. obv living with him for less than 3 months was not enough time to understand him.. on contrary his mother poked too much into our matters which irritated me.. i want things back on track once just so that i can give him a happy life..

my hobbies are not much ..i use to read a lot ,cooking is something i love .. but nw it seems im only reading about retrieve your love, autism, how to make him fall for me blah blah..

and thanks everyone who took out a minute and replied to my post.. thankyou once again..
-cheers



TheygoMew
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05 Apr 2012, 2:32 pm

saaz wrote:
last year i got married to my wonderful husband.. who loved me to death .. was so very possessive about me.. but just within 3 months of marriage without any apparent reason he left me saying i couldn't understand him.. i just was not able to accept the reality and kept trying to tel him that i love him but he just didn't looked back .. its been one year nw still i cant forget him and still i mail him everyday telling him hw much i love him and that i can do anything for him but he never replies and i dont leave hope.. i always wondered hw can he forget me how can he do this to me.. hw can he ignore and not understand hw much pain im going through just because of him..

but now it seems i've got the answer to this mystery when this sunday accidently i read about autism, i was shocked at how all the symptoms mentioned were present in my husband.. but then i had doubts in understanding the disease completely as my husband is a software engineer..
why i feel he is autistic? coz he has almost no friends and social acitivities at all.. he flails one arm.. sounds and acts childish at times.. bangs the wall in anger.. screams some time but stay quiet mostly.. doesnot understand hw i feel sometimes when he insists, not knwing about my discomfort/pleasure.. i have also observed him stammering sometimes.. doing things very slowly.. doesnot share his feelings.. keeps buying things even when he already has them.. can,t drive! learnt driving for 8 years but still cant.. fears..
and yes he did not had any sexual relation with me after marriage .. is he autistic?
plz help me ..if u want to ask anything else im hear to answer.


Sounds like he has a personality disorder. Autistics don't lack empathy in the same way. We lack theory of mind which has been also thrown into the same idea of empathy. What you are describing seems like a true lack of empathy. He probably lied to you about his reasons for leaving blaming you claiming you don't understand him but he was secretly involved with someone else.

You may have actually avoided someone who would have become physically violent with you.

He probably has a mixture of social anxiety and a personality disorder.

You didn't reveal too much about your relationship. Try looking up narcissism or anti-social personality.

Stop contacting him.