Have you ever had someone hate you for being 'quiet'?

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That so describes me in my late teens/early 20s. It seemed in Junior High everything I said was used against me and spun in whatever ridiculous fashion so I learned to just say nothing. Of course, if the cool kids said they loved wearing wearing women's panties or something ridiculous like that everyone would suddenly consider that cool. People assumed I was stuck up and didn't want to talk to them in late High School and University when the truth couldn't be any different: I was just very guarded because I had taken so many daggers to the back. As well, it seems most conversations revolved around sex and alcohol, two things I had zero interest in at the time.

The first time I heard that I was 19 and I was shocked that people would think that about me.

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

I've had times when I was younger where people even thought I was mute or mentally deficient because I was so quiet.

I don't always know what to talk about or what is appropriate to talk about or when it is appropriate to talk so especially around people I don't know I'd rather not say much and only speak if spoken to.

That is one of the reason I don't work. Being around people all the time would be too stressful.

I saw that story about asking a customer how they were and they still complained about them not being friendly enough. I wouldn't even do that. I don't ask people how they are. I could never do retail work where I was expected to interact with customers or especially approach people and be the first to talk to them. When store workers approach me it makes me uncomfortable. I just want to go in, look around, buy anything I'm going to buy, and leave.

People have complained about and/or bullied me, in part, for not speaking that much. Sometimes, though, they just thought I had mental retardation, or couldn't talk at all.

I've never been hated for being quiet. I'm the opposite, once I start talking I can't shut up. That might be due also to my ADHD which is also a diagnosis other than my Aspergers. But actually I'm probably the guilty one because I have been frustrated by quiet people, but not because of shyness or because I hate people, but because of their refusal to interact with me. Like for ONCE I will actually try to make use of social skills and ask OTHER people questions instead of talking about my own interests...and I will be like "So how are you? What is your favorite movie" and I get stuck with people who just stare, don't answer my question, or just answer it with a brief answer. It's a little annoying because sometimes I do want to be social and learn from other people, but it's a pain in the butt that I happen to have friends who don't talk to me.

It's sometimes not as difficult as it looks. Though unplanned, I ended up working in a book binding shop, where we occasionally also had to interact with customers. At first, that was a task I preferred to leave to my coworkers. But as time passed, I had to fill in for more experienced coworkers and also handled helping customers a lot better. While I never initiated small talk nor was very good at replying to it, I did what was necessary and was good at that. So I may have appeared a bit aloof or silent to some, but many also found me friendly and polite, if quiet.

I also temporarily got a job brewing and selling coffee at a university faculty, which could get pretty hectic sometimes. But I handled myself fine, and, according to customers I was helpful and nice enough. An eye-opener on that job was that I could clearly see what it was like to be on the 'other' side of the counter, by which I mean that I would sometimes be helping customers who themselves came across as curt or brusque, or even shy. Some not saying thank you, others not bothering with a 'good morning' or 'hello', and just jumping straight to the 'Can I order a cappucino?' or simple 'One cappucino' (with a very, very optiuonal 'please'). So that actually made me a bit more conscious about how I come across when I talk to store clerks or cashiers.

But yes, I recognise what you're saying when you talk about store workers approaching you when you're looking around in a store. I, too, prefer to browse by myself. But just remember that they're really only trying to help, and don't actually mean to shake you or rattle you in your activities. Just put yourself in their shoes for a minute; for many of them, when they started working, they may have had some trouble overcoming shyness when approaching customers, too. Even those who are not autistic often need to pass a threshold when it comes to that.

I never expected to ever had to deal with customers on any job, anbd I no longer do, and may never again in my life. But I found the experience to be valuable and educational.

Me too. When I was 13 or 14, I visited my grandparents during recess. Once I got there just as the nurse who tended to my grandmother's wound had arrived. I didn't wanna talk about private things with a stranger there so I sat down and kept quiet and left rather quickly. When I spoke to my grandmother later she said the nurse had asked them if I was ret*d because I didn't yap.
I think it's amazing the conclusions people will jump to. But in that case I find it borderline frightening that a medical professional is that inane. Gad, what is it about NTs/extroverts and yapping?

Quiet is so good. I have never been bothered by quiet people, only by noisy and/or talkative ones.



That's what I want from my shopping experiences too. I hate it when the employees there follow you around and wanna talk, and keep asking if you're looking for something. If I look for something I'll ask, okay? Now let me be on my merry way,.

I was/am the sort of quiet that regularly disturbs people, it seems. Particularly in middle school, kids would be confrontational about it. Throughout my life, people have thought that I am "ret*d', in large part because of this. Even as an adult, my quietness seems to make people uncomfortable. If only they knew how little I really know how to shut the f**k up.

While I don't think I've ever had anyone hate me for my occasional quietness and unwillingness to actively participate in conversation, I have had people explicitly state that I'm quiet. I find that kind of rude and disrespectful. It's as if they think that I don't already know I am and by telling me I am I'll somehow overcome my anxieties and want to socialize. The point is I find befriending and socializing with those I'm unfamiliar with to be quite a daunting task. I'd rather not have people condescendingly reminding me that "I'm quiet" when I'm already aware of it and do my best to interact with people on a meaningful level.

Yes, during my last hospitalization. Since I was pre-op, I was thrown in with the men. I was just quietly pacing the halls, when one guy, who was loud and annoying, greeted me, I greeted him back a little. He then yelled at me, "GD it, [male version of my actual name]! Why won't you speak to me!?"

I think this was one of the reasons I was bullied, for thinking I was "stuck up."

But other times, people just thought I was weird.

I haven't been hated for it, but I am regularly overlooked. This is especially true in the company of other women, who are always more talkative, outgoing, and commanding of group attention than I am.

I feel for people who give off the "snob" vibe without meaning to, though.

had that experience a load.


Isnt it annoying how you have to actually over compensate and make far more effort to talk to people than anyone else would just so they don't bother you?

I remember once getting shouted at by this guy because him and everyone else had been going out and because i wouldnt invite myself along and no one invited me i didn't go. He gave me this quite intimidating drunk slating where he was asking me what i brought to the group.

It is easier now im older, ive learned to say the right things and do the right things and people dont bother me anywhere near as much as they did when i was younger. Still not perfect though because i still cant get rid of whatevers in me that vastly prefers little 1 on1 talks rather than group talks. It always takes me a while before ive spoken to everyone when i go somewhere new and the idea that im stuck up has already taken root by the time ive spoken to everyone individually.

Tbh, i dont know why i care though. Its not like i care about anyones opinion, it wouldnt bother me if people said things and i just went about my life and ignored everyone, it wouldnt do anything bad to my life. It's just the rules as i see them, the social rules that i feel should be followed even if i have nothing particularly compelling making me follow them.

In late gradeschool, and junior high, I was hated for alot of reasons- quietness being a big part of it. They all thought I was ret*d or something.

In highschool they gave me grief about other stuff more than quietness.

In college I didnt get as much grief from peers about eccentric behavior. But in college one of the several roommates I had did "hate me for not talking", but he was a special case.

He would be perpetually angry at me for talking over his head -so I responded by just talking about concrete everyday experiences-and he responded by complaining that " you only talk about yourself". He would get upset because I didnt instantly agree with him all of the time, so I responded by-always agreeing with him. And he then got angry because I was patronizing him. And the list goes on of his contradictory complaints. So finally I was checkmated- couldnt figure out HOW to act or talk around him. So then he got angry at me for never talking to him. After we got seperate living arrangements- about a year later-he commited suicide. So that was more about him than me. But the fact that I was an aspie probably caused me to assume it was all my fault, and to tolerate living with him longer than I should have.

I have never heard of people thinking you're stuck up if you're quiet, I have only heard of arrogant.

Yes I can be very quiet unless talking about a favourite hobby or subject I am well versed in and people tend to think I don't like them because I don't speak much. Even when I have made them things and given them gifts (which my way of saying 'I like you') they think I don't like them.

I don't hand make gifts for people I don't like. Why would I do that?