Does anyone know how to do small talk?

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Social stories! That's how I taught myself when I was a little girl, though I didn't call it that at the time. Picture yourself standing in line with someone, for example. Scroll mentally through possible ways to start small talk. Is the weather unusual today? Is the line very long/is it very crowded in the store? Etc.

Here's something else to consider, you guys. Even neurotypical people can be very uncomfortable when it comes to small talk. Keep in mind that even though you're autistic and the other person is neurotypical, that does NOT mean that person has life and its nuances all wrapped up. That other person may be uncomfortable and uncertain too, and will be relieved that you started the small talk.

Yes, that's why I often take pity on them when one of those awkward silences happens, and do the small talk myself. Personally I don't find silences "awkward" at all. I don't see anything wrong with two people being in one another's company and not talking, but apparently they do. When I see them looking more and more desperate in the silence, and trying to think of something to say, I often just step in and do it for them, and do the small talk myself.

Small talk is a ceremonial show of good will, but can lead to shame or obligation.

I would suggest to have some purpose in life, like a fixed point on a compass, if you will.

This might make you seem one-dimensional, boring, or even obsessive. But, objective priorities do help to keep you from getting carried away in an emotional discussion, even if they are only on the short term.

I can do a very basic "How's it going?" type question but I don't gain any pleasure or familiarity out of it, it's purely for greasing the wheels with friends and co-workers. Luckily I have a strong interest in current affairs and politics and so often I can quickly swing the conversation over to that if I want a more in-depth discussion.

I HATE small talk.

Do:

Make sure people are interested in a topic before talking too much about it.
Stick to upbeat subjects.
Balance the amount of talking and listening.
Find out what other people enjoy discussing.
Be willing to talk about subjects that you know little about.
Reintroduce yourself to an old acquaintance.


Don't

Indulge in endless shop talk or industry gossip when non-industry people are Present.
Gossip about the other guests.
Stay in one area or speak only to one person.
Look over a person's shoulder as you talk to him or her.
Make negative snap judgments about the people you meet.
Expect other people to carry the conversation.


Is it any wonder we suck at it?

Stolen from:

http://www.ou.edu/class/bc2813/Conversa ... llTalk.htm

Which promises:

You will learn to:

• Create rapport through small talk.

• Spontaneously start conversations.

• Maintain stimulating conversations.

• Change topics gracefully.

• End conversations tactfully.

• Converse with confidence.


It's also been said that although it's possible to create a positive statement from two negatives, it is impossible to create a negative statement from two positives.

YEAH! RIGHT!! !

I am ok with small talk however it is not my strong point though.

I think I don't really know how lucky I am to have been born in a culture where small talk is not necessary. Put two Finns in an elevator. Neither of them says a word. And they don't feel uncomfortable at all.

Sometimes I've wondered if my autism is really a matter of my Finnish heritage (1/4 only, but very significant in that it is the only portion that was stressed throughout my life).

I do small talk. What I do is make random comments and see if it strikes up a conversation. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Even if it lasts for a few seconds, fine by me. I do it when I feel like it and in the mood. If something interests me, then it turns into a conversation but is it still small talk? I wouldn't say I am good at it because I have a hard time faking interests. All I can do is just listen and that bothers some people, even other aspies because they want me to fake their interest and I find it pretty ironic when an aspie does it to me but it doesn't happen very often. I can ask some questions about it but I am thinking in my mind what to say and ask and it's hard to focus on what they are saying. I find it easier online because I can go back and read it and the think of something but it has to depend on my mood too and if I have the energy for it. If it catches my interest, then it's easy. I am a curious person.

I've noticed even NTs don't always respond to small talk. I can make a comment and they don't say anything else to me after one response they make. It's either they don't pick up on it or they are just not in the mood or they don't know what to say. I hear even they are not good with it either so what is the difference between us not being good at it and them?

I'm not that good at it, but I can fake it a little. When I know I'm going to be in a situation where i need to make small talk - and I avoid it like the plague - I try to have in mind something recent that I've done or learned that might interest others, just in case they ask what I've been up to. I also try to be ready with mundane things to talk about like the weather (hopefully I've looked at a forecast recently), and I try to notice things like what people are wearing, or if I'm not at home, objects in the room or setting that interest me. If there's food, then food is always a readily available topic.

I try to keep it light and pleasant.

Yeah, it is extremely uncomfortable. I will literally stutter sometimes trying to make small talk, but I force myself to do it because if someone says something to you, you really have to answer; and/or if you're both just standing there, well...it's definitely expected that somebody say something. I'll initiate sometimes just so I don't have to be surprised by what the person has to say, I stumble over my words even more then. I'd rather have control (sort of).

My therapist explained that small talk is like an extended greeting. When someone asks "how are you?" they don't really want to know how you are, they want you to say "I'm good, how are YOU?".

Someone asked me what I was making for dinner tonight as a small talk conversation starter. I think that questions are often a good direction to go. Or mentioning something that you saw while traveling to wherever you are at the time. Like "while I was driving here I saw the funniest thing". Complimenting people sometimes goes somewhere. Or if someone compliments you, try to elaborate on whatever it is. So, if they say they like your shirt, you could say "oh thank you, my sister gave it to me for Christmas last year" or something.

I find that when I go into a "small talk situation" with a few conversation starters in mind, it often goes much better. Otherwise the awkwardness get's to me really fast and I start to shut down.

I'll second this.... How was your weekend, hows the family, how's spot doing, did he some sun this weekend, etc.....

Definitely warm greetings......that goes a long way, even if you dont say much, you're still seen as friendly and give off good vibes.

And yeah, if your answers are too long, most people seem to check out, I'd say NT's or Aspies, my aspie dad checks out about 1 second in to anything I say unless it involves his special interests.....

"Can't complain" is good, sometimes I like to say "not bad, it's early though, I like to leave room for improvement."

I like little weather chats, "I'm liking the rain, a break from the sunshine is nice" or "It's way too hot out there, the sun needs to take a break."

But the best point curiouskitten makes is to keep it positive.... don't bring someone else down, it sucks for them, and could bring judgement upon yourself.....

It's like paddle tennis, you guys are just hitting the ball back and forth, no slamming it over the fence, and get it just right so it goes over the net.

Small talk is sometimes just saying stupid and non-interesting things to people. One major problem I have is to not give comments on the obvious. Today for example I walked up to a coworker and stood beside her while she was sorting some stuff, another coworker walked up to her after I left and said something obvious like "What are you doing?" or "That looks boring.". I could have asked her that as well, but I didn't deem it necessary.

I'm not good with small talk.