What happens if you can't pursue your special interest?

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Thanks for the responses, they were all interesting to read.

I'm also wondering, how far would you go to retain your ability to pursue your special interest? Would you go to extreme lengths, even if it would be detrimental to other aspects of your life?

I've never been able to pursue my special interest but I would play russian roulette if winning meant gaining the ability to do so. I would be willing to put my life on the line because if I win and I can indulge in my special interest I want to live but if I lose and I can't I want to die so it's win win.

I would even be willing to do some things that I am against morally because the need to pursue my special interest is too great. I normally wouldn't hurt a fly. I'm extremely passive but I would be willing to cause someone else pain if it meant I could engage myself in special interest. There is no other situation in which I'd be willing to do that. In every other situation I couldn't hurt a fly. I'm not a violent or cruel person and I would never hurt anyone unless doing so menat I could engage my special interest. In the past couple of months another situation has arisen in which I would be willing to violate my own morals but for most of my life there has only been one reason I'd be willing to do bad things and that is for my special interest.

I can be without my "special" interest for weeks with no real issues, When I go on vacation I am often unable to pursue my interest, but taking away my "special" interest away forever isn't possible. My interest only involves knowledge, so I don't see how someone can prevent me from acquiring knowledge forever. The only thing that comes to mind if I was imprisoned, but even in prison they have library with books to get knowledge.

I would be extremely depressed. I can't imagine my life without my special interests. They mean very much to me.

When I can't pursue my special interests, mostly anime, I get really upset and meltdown. One time at an anime con, my first year, we were never told about tickets for autograph sessions and this caused a meltdown for me because it felt as if I couldn't pursue my interests or obsessions that I have.

Another time, when I was obsessed with Ponyo, I wanted to go see it the first time it came out. My dad said we couldn't because we didn't have the gas or money or something. This eventually erupted into a huge meltdown, especially during a commerical with Ponyo. I did eventually go see it the next day though... but anyway, I meltdown a lot during an obsession/interest I want to do.

It's gotten somewhat better. It also seems to happen when i want to do something, like go for a ride or get out of the house but my dad says no. The hardest word for me to deal with is no... because I tend to get really impulsive thoughts that become demanding, to the point where it's hard to function sometimes.

I feel like I have to do something or if, I don't then I lose control of my mind. I think it's due to the ADHD but I'm not really sure.