Intense hatred for bullies

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Oh, it's alright, I just did not know (:

The thing is, according to them we are among those lowest in the social hierarchy because of our Aspergers, which means we have to act submissive to be accepted by the group - that also means putting up with bullying. But I mean, why would we want to act submissive when we are at least worth the same as them? It can be alright for me to act submissive by following orders if I'm treated well, but when I'm bullied, I don't obey unless I have no other choice for some reason.

How can one care for a pack that considers you a less-being? I don't see why I should when I'm treated poorly.

I don't buy all that nonsense about "forgiving them and moving on" somehow making everything else better for me. I do just file them away and stop thinking about them until such time it is relevant to do so. But I still hate them. Just like I still hate my abusive parent and my abusive ex.

There is no end of people insisting that one must let go of the hate, but I think they're full of it. I don't forgive, I don't forget. I don't dwell on it either. It takes a lot more than me wanting to move on to forgive some of the things that have been done to me and in some cases it is likely impossible for them to ever do enough.

I agree with you...you should not have to put up with being treated badly.

I too am stubborn when people believe I should submit because they think I am less than them due to my social issues etc.

They cant sod off as far as I am concerned.

They are arrogant nitwits.

I don't forgive bullies either...I loathe bullies.

I do forgive those who make innocent mistakes or those who did not mean to hurt me, but those who hurt me on purpose...I think not.

When being mistreated at the workplace, or being bullied out of a job, it's impossible to not feel hurt and angry at being wronged. I've been there. I'm having a hard time with letting stuff go, myself, but at the same time I realise that it's unhealthy to not let go. Holding on to hatred can make it harder to enjoy life, and might have a toll on your physical health, as well.

There's never an excuse for bullying. (Next time I'm mistreated or bullied I plan on doing a better job with standing up for myself.) At the same time, understand that bullies come from somewhere, and are just too emotionally dumb to really be able to handle there own problems or insecurities in healthy ways.

With the fear of discrimination lawsuits, I've been told that being more open with the AS diagnosis might make that less likely to happen.

edit: sorry i ended up posting multiple time, it was an error sorry

Last edited by sunrise581 on 29 Nov 2013, 11:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

edit: sorry people i ended up posting multiple times

Last edited by sunrise581 on 29 Nov 2013, 11:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I remember when I was in school, around 14-15 year old, I was constantly bullied, most of the kids in my class were picking on me on a daily basis, they were like a group of popular kids who liked to mess with other kids, they called me "Eeyore" (the donkey character from winnie the pooh), because I was too shy and socially awkward, and they were calling me names like "stinky", so idk why but they started picking on me, it went like this for 2 years, when I moved to high school most of the kids came to the same school because it's a small town, the harassment continued, I remember asking my mom to be homeschooled because I couldn't stand that anymore, my parents moved me to another school in this one everyone in my class were nice to me and they were mostly introverts like me. I was feeling very bad at that time, but I didn't talk to my parents, I just endured the harassment quiet, I don't know how i could do that though and even why I didn't say anything to my parents for most of the process. At this time I was diagnosed with borderline and avoidant personality disorders (I was 15), and they got worse with all this situation, but thanks to my therapist I could overcome most of it. Now I'm working as a librarian, and I have friends, I'm trying to get in the university now, because I want to work with helping disabled kids or with disorders to fit in and have a normal life. Now that I'm an adult (I'm 21 now) I know that even though it's hard and people may be cruel with us sometimes, we should not hear the words of those who want to hurt us, only hear the people who love us and want to see us well. after I left my former school I never saw most of the kids again, even though they made me suffer I don't wish any bad to them, just they realized that harassing people isn't a good thing and make something good of their lives. I think that people who work in schools, social workers, should pay a big attention to bullying because it's a very serious and sad subject, some kids even commit suiced or go crazy and kill their classmates, there should be a huge awareness campaign about bullying.

I hope something bad had or will happen to them. I have no empathy for them whatsoever. I've actually learned about people who bullied me when I was a kid getting killed in horrific accidents. I just smile when I hear this. I have no empathy for bullies.

I often hear that it's "always wrong" to bully.

In NT society that's just not true. Their whole socialization is built upon a social hierarchy, and in order to establish that hierarchy ongoing bullying is needed in order to find out who is more alpha-dog.

In their eyes it's not wrong, but natural. Even adults do it, and approve on it. And they call us childish. It's more likely from our perspective that it's always wrong to bully anyone, since we don't have a pack mentality the way they do. That's why we always feel wronged when bullied, while the bullies don't get why we are so sensitive instead of just laughing about it. We just feel like smacking their face and leave if possible. Problem is, you cannot just leave a job without financial consequences.

if bullying people is a natural human thing, and that aggression is building up in you, then bully the bullies. Thats what ive always done. I recognise my nature and save it up for the people that deserve it.

I agree. But in a business office, there's a clear-cut hierarchy, telling who is allowed to bully who - you'll just have to put up with someone "higher" than you bullying you, because if you don't the whole group will cooperate on bullying you.

I guess I'm probably forced to avoid that type of jobs.

But at family gatherings etc. I see the socialization is really about the same hierarchy, alpha-dog-thing - it's hard to feel like I want to spend time on that.

That changes everything, that you've been bullied at work, and by grown ups, not children. Adult's should be able to act professionally, maturely, and in adittion be able to restrain themselves whenever they find themselves having unpleasant/mean thoughts about others, and keep it to themselves instead of acting it out.

It saddens me that you've experienced this, i haven't been in such a situation myself as I've only experienced bullying when i was a kid, but i can though imagine that it must be really uncomfortable and harsh to be in your shoes. What your co-workers have done is very childish and should not be accepted. I think you should somehow calmly while having a co-worker you trust around, tell them that you do not tolerate their behavior, and expect to be treated equally to the other colleagues. Also being nice/pleasent to them in return afterwards (or before) might make them feel uncomfortable about their behavior towards you, and hopefully this will lead them to seeking redemption with you. Which can give you a closure and finally a feeling of belonging and safety while at work.

I wish you well, *hug*

I'd pretend the stuff I kill in video games are the people I despise in real life
Or I look at epic fight scenes and pretend I'm doing it to the person like these

Okay, this understanding of "alphas" is pretty rubbish.



It's always wrong to bully someone. Bullying can be categorized as harassment, assault, battery, and abuse. These things are not just widely deemed to be wrong, but also deemed to be illegal, at least in the US. That is, except when it's characterized as bullying.

Fantasizing (sophisticated, not physically violent revenge that wouldn't harm me in any way), learning from the experience till I know that, in similar circumstances, others won't get away with it like this person did because now I know better how to play at their game, using the rage for personal constructive goals and to get back at other bullies (who may try to bully me or harm a stray cat), carrying a recorder when I might encounter bullying, starting nasty rumors about the perpetrators, letting the perpetrator's friends know that a lawsuit is on the way because the p. didn't know I was recording and have proof, waiting patiently for many, many years till the day (which might come) when I can give back what they did to me, treating them the way NTs treat me for being an aspie, pretending not to be bothered by it so they'll let their guard down and expose some vulnerable need I can trample on, such as one of my bullies at work once was so powerful there was no way I could do anything to stop it or even show it bothered me in any way. Years later, fired, and thinking I had nothing against her, she practically begged me to help her get into the wonderful corporation I was now working for. I told her "what a pity we're not hiring" and that gave me peace that sometimes I can get back at them.