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Threore
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15 Dec 2013, 3:13 pm

I wanted to answer that yes I do adjust to people, but now I'm thinking they may just all adjust to me more than I do to them. I certainly am more comfortable and less awkward around people I know well, and communication is easier, but which side did most of the adjusting I'm not sure.



Sethno
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15 Dec 2013, 5:14 pm

I continue to "need time" to get used to a new person.

It can take months.

Until then, I don't feel able to interact with them (at least not freely..."walking on eggs" sort of thing). This isn't so they'll get used to me. It's for me to feel able to function around them.


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ResilientBrilliance
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15 Dec 2013, 9:39 pm

I don't. If I don't like someone, I move on, I don't adjust to them if I don't have to. If I have to deal with them, I will continue being annoyed by them, not suddenly like them. *shrugs*



Nonperson
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15 Dec 2013, 11:49 pm

Yes, but very slowly. It takes years, at least five. Not many people have put up with me that long.



superluminary
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16 Dec 2013, 4:45 am

When I was younger, I learned to be extremely plastic. I'm usually unsure of what is normal, so I assumed the other person was acting normally and adapted myself entirely round that. I have come to realise more recently that this is not a good thing.

I think it has helped to have a fixed reference "way to be". Call me weird, but I've found that church provides just such a reference.



psblyaspie
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16 Dec 2013, 5:04 am

Yes. Well kind of. I have an NT brother who does this extremely well.

When I am around someone new I will follow the cues of how someone I know is "adjusting" to them. But if there is a situation in which I am stuck by myself with someone new it takes a long time for me figure it out.



DaLoCo
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18 Dec 2013, 5:19 am

superluminary wrote:
When I was younger, I learned to be extremely plastic. I'm usually unsure of what is normal, so I assumed the other person was acting normally and adapted myself entirely round that. I have come to realise more recently that this is not a good thing.

I think it has helped to have a fixed reference "way to be". Call me weird, but I've found that church provides just such a reference.


I am always plastic, or masked around people. It only changes when I am around my "safe" people. These are the ones I have adapted to, but also ignore my occasional awkwardness.


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bumble
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18 Dec 2013, 5:38 am

Can do



purplefeet
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18 Dec 2013, 5:45 am

Yes. If there are people I can't do this with I tend not to like them. If there are people with whom it takes too much out of me (goes against my moral code, etc) I have to avoid them as I feel myself disappearing and becoming whatever they want me to be. Being "aloof" is a protection against this.


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Joe90
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18 Dec 2013, 7:21 am

I'm quite good at adjusting to people. I'm not very good with strangers, but a lot of non-Aspies aren't either, unless they are really extroverted and can just chat away to anyone anywhere. But I find a lot of strangers quite difficult to read, and I find extroverted strangers quite daunting. Most extroverted people kind of condescend me so I have a hard time adjusting to them. But otherwise, I kind of get along with most people. It's like I can sense how they see me, and if I feel comfortable with them I can be myself more and have a good laugh, but if I feel a little nervous (even if they are still nice people), I can always hear myself having a monotone attached to my voice.


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anneurysm
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18 Dec 2013, 11:22 am

I try to adjust to all people and try to get used to their ways of being, especially if they are people I see repeatedly or often. However, there are people I find harder to adjust to than others, and my level of adjustment varies from day to day depending on how much sleep I've gotten, my focuses at the time (i.e. if I am studying a lot, I am a failure socially) and how much I have been hanging out with others my age.

If I spend too much time away from others my age, I find it harder to warm up to them and get in sync with their expectations, no matter who they are. This past little while, I've been very focused on school and have rarely had the time to see or talk to other people. At the last two social events I attended, I was very quiet and extremely awkward until about an hour or so of being there. In contrast, when I wasn't in school and my main focus was on socializing/getting out of my comfort zone, I was doing great socially and could even be the life of the party at times.

I wish my social skills were on autopilot so I wouldn't have to conciously think through most of my interactions with other people and instantly know a suitable response for every situation. The NTs who seem to have this ability are people that I am extremely jealous of.



Jensen
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18 Dec 2013, 7:17 pm

I can chat away with people, I don´t know, because I have a smooth-running facade. When we get a bit closer, I can´t rely on that, and the studying and adjusting begins.
Until recently I have had very good conversational skills too, - but during this last period, I have let go of the studied skills, as I find them exhausting to practise, - and I suddenly hear my therapist talk about developing a more nuanced view on psychology. From being very articulate, I have developed a more one-syllable style, and that is what he meets. I suppose, I better explain to him.


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