Life Compartmentalizing

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I was just talking to my friend who first told me that I am Autistic, I will call him "M," and we were talking about different ways that I act and different people in my life. One thing he said to me was that it is very important for me to compartmentalize my world. I did not know what he meant and when I asked him to explain it to me today he said that one of the reasons I have trouble with what I will call crossover friends is that my life is divided up into sections and that he has observed that this can be common on the Spectrum.

For instance, when I ski, I have specific people that I can ski with. If you are a friend of mine and we do let's say, kayaking together, you are someone that I kayak with and for you to ski with me if you are not already an avid skier, like if you wanted me to introduce you to skiing, I would have a very hard time wanting to do that and I would resist it and it might even really upset me. He said that over time I might be able to but certainly not right away. I noticed that I have done that a few times with some of our friends. Like I only want to spend time with them in certain types of context but not in others or in certain places but not others. But if someone whom I might kayak with tries to push themselves into my skiing world, I will completely reject that and will most likely get very anxious and possibly even melt down over it. If I invite them into that world it is okay because I trust them enough to invite them in. And if I invite them in it is a very pleasurable experience for me. But if they try to force their way in I get very scared.

We also talked about how even when I have my very young age moments how those are specific also. For example, when I am in very young child mode, I am only that. I can turn it off as soon as it is no longer safe or appropriate to be that, actually it turns itself on or off, I don't do it, it goes by itself and comes by itself too. But I am that way with specific people. With other people I am other ways, like a very mature adult or intellectual type of person. But M was saying that if I am in child mode I am only that and if I am in adult mode I am only that. They don't tend to cross over. It is very different from schizophrenia because with that you are a completely different person with a completely different identity and history and all that a different identity entails. With life compartmentalization I am always Skibum. I have the same identity just different modes of it. I am always the same person but in different roles of that person. And it is not a role play either, I am actually that person in that specific capacity at the time. So if I am in child mode, I am actually Skibum the child, not Skibum the adult acting like a child.

M also said that whatever mode I am in he has noticed that I have a lot of intensity in it. Other people have told me that I am very intense as well. In fact I hear that a good bit.

But I am curious if others of you have the same kind of thing and what your thoughts are on this.

This is going to sound really odd, and I'm probably not going to explain it correctly, but: I have found that the best thing to learn how to do (eventually--this takes some time to figure out) is "shapeshift", which allows you to remove the mask.

That actually becomes less tiring because it enables you to adapt more easily to different situations. The nature of a mask is to be static and unchanging; a shapeshifter can adjust to its environment. This is far less draining than the "mask." With practice, it can become second nature.

And yes (before any of you can say it): this sounds like "behaving like an NT." Actually, it's not. Most NTs have fixed personalities (that is, "masks") themselves--they just accept each other because these "masks" fit into prescribed social roles. However, it also becomes limiting in the long run--how many times have you heard that teens go through a period of "finding themselves" and then eventually form an "identity" that is, for the most part, enduring throughout life? Many Aspies (myself included) don't do that so, in theory, "shapeshifting" should actually be easier for us. Plus, our inner integrity--the "real us" is maintained.

Hope this didn't sound too odd. I decided to start doing this last year, and it actually has made things a little easier (though it's far from perfect).

If this makes no sense at all, please dismiss the whole thing as just more of my random ramblings.