Therapy is not going to work

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I don't know, I am not a huge fan of therapy.

The opposite of what they want in regards to my samenesses and routines as they want to me to start removing them to see how it goes. I have tried this, it only thrusts my life into chaos. The think it's about inflexibility, I tend to feel I need routine to get anything done as I have a brain that gets side tracked messing around with my hobbies instead of doing my chores. My chores basically get forgotten in favour of the more fun interesting things. I also have a terrible time organising myself.

This does not help a bumble function...bumbles are scatty, disorganised and will lose things without a routine to help them.

I did mention to her that I would rather find a way to explain my need for routine and she smiled and said they prefer to change them.

ARgghh no no no no

I got upset over that comment basically and of course it set off one of my upsets (the ones where I rant at myself and hit msyelf on the head...mildly this time but still).

Oh I don't get annoyed over things I am supposed to sometimes.

What is a big deal to one person doesn't seem to bother me and vice versa. Ie I don't find moving house stressful but will throw a fit if I can't get the right flavoured ice cream for a saturday night. Go figure.

Therapy probably can't help you any unless you have a clear idea of why you are going and what you want to get out of it. I don't know how the UK health care system works. Is going to therapy a required part of getting an assessment? If you are going just because it is part of whatever mental health package they have and not because of a specific desire to work on something, it is likely a waste of time.

If you don't know why you are going, why go unless it is required as part of something else you are trying to accomplish? (such as an ASD assessment). If it is your own decision to go, figuring out what you want to accomplish would guide you in finding the right therapist who works in a style that fits you. If all you can think of is things you don't want them to do, the best way to accomplish that is to just stop going.

I am a little depressed due to my social problems and didn't want to take antidepressants. I was hoping for help with said social problems but more in the sense of finding ways of explaining my introversion etc to people so they would understand rather than trying to make myself into a social butterfly.

I do need some social relationships but my need is minimal (I don't need anywhere near as much socialisation time as most people seem to and become stressed out by having to socialise too frequently). Trying to find a therapist on the NHS where you 'get what you are given' who understands this though is difficult. My diagnosis is social anxiety and they think if they just get rid of that a social butterfly will emerge.

Ack!

Also want to be able to return to work in the future as live on disability is unstable with all the governmental changes coming about. I'd rather be independent of the system where possible. But I will need to learn how to explain to my coworkers that I am quiet and wander off by myself a lot because I am introverted and not because I don't like them or think there is something wrong with them and I am not snotty etc....

I don't want bullying from the other employees again because I don't fit in. I become depressed and can't hold down the job under such circumstances.

I don't want to have to go out partying with them all the time though, I won't cope with that either.

Oh dear. This is complicated.

I have too many issues and I have to be careful with bringing them all up as they tend not to believe if you have too much...you get the hypochondriac label.

Social difficulties including, but not limited to, some social anxiety
Not liking my routines changed
Getting upset to the point that I hit myself on the head (something I need to learn not to do before I give myself a concussion)
Dealing with sensitivities (not mentioned those to my therapist yet) such as difficulty with certain materials etc.
Not coping with not having my hobby time and acquiring huge collections in relation to them
Getting overly attached to inanimate objects.
Bullying issues
Depression with occasional suicidal thoughts
Sleep problems (sleepy in day time, can get insomnia at night, wobbly circadian rhythm if I don't keep a strict sleep schedule).
Difficulty maintaining social relationships if I do manage to form them
Have a poor concentration span when I find things boring (such as social chit chat) and will tend to become easily distracted either by my own thoughts or something I find more interesting.
Great concentration for things I am fascinated by though.
Keep losing things..get upset when i lose things.
Tendency to talk to myself (must try not to do this in public!)


And so on.

All things that have caused me problems throughout my life, especially in regards to relationships and people not understanding them.

It's a good job I got rid of the physical symptoms except my monthly migraine isn't it otherwise i'd have to add those to the list too.

They look at you oddly if you have too many issues.

Ok, I think I know where you are coming from now. Forgive me if I am slightly off, but bare in mind it's been very few messages between us, so take what is useful and leave the rest.

I have had this issue with therapist, they are sometimes VERY arrogant.

Here is what I have learned when dealing with therapist which may help you with a little practice.

First realize nothing needs to change on a global scale. In reality you should have time to have your ice cream Saturday, while doing your chores during the week. The therapist should have suggested that you write down your schedule for the week on one paper and the chores you are expected to have done on another. Then talk to you about how you could use some of your time to spread out your chores so they didn't interfere with your current schedule. Something you could do right now.

It may be difficult at first to get into the new routine, but really is it easy being yelled at or forgetting to do something? Personally I would rather change my routine then have someone go on and on about how I didn't do something.

Also realize that your therapist has as little of a clue about what is going on in your head as you do of hers. A common trait amongst autistic individuals is the lack of expression the very thing that she uses to gauge what is going on. So she is lost. When people are lost they are uncomfortable, when they are uncomfortable they tend to get moody and demanding. She may be forgetting that. Remind her nicely that you are just as lost as she is.

Don't be afraid to ask questions. Ask anything you like....within reason. If your therapist suggest doing something ask why they think it would help. Ask for examples. Therapist often assume that their reasoning is obvious. There is no harm in asking why.

Also ask your therapist to talk about your strengths and how you can use them to help you further. Often times they get stuck trying to "fix" what they believe are weaknesses without ever realizing that they are actually your strengths. For example being stubborn can be a strength if used correctly.

Also don't go to therapy thinking they will change anything. It will never happen. Instead go to therapy with the mind frame that for that hour you get to discuss for an hour what you tried during the week to help make things better for yourself. What went wrong, what went right, and maybe how to change those things so they work better, but on my terms. Remember once you leave their office it's up to you whether or not you want to follow their advice. A lot of times I will take what they said and twist it so it fits better into something I can use. All they really are doing is offering advice.

Sorry, I realize the above post of mine is a little dated, had some sensory issues that made it difficult to concentrate on what I wanted to say.

I would suggest finding a therapist who is familiar with AS. This therapist isn't. This therapist is simply doing what they were trained to do to treat anxiety, not taking your individual circumstances into account. Different therapists have different methods. Maybe you have a personality conflict with this therapist.

When I say find a therapist who is familiar with AS, I am talking about someone who has clinical experience treating people with AS, not just reading what the diagnosis is in a book. There is a big difference.

Also, therapy is for you. You are in charge. Can you find another therapist? If it is not working, why waste your time?

I have some self-help books that help me, because therapy is only one hour every two weeks. Living Well on the Spectrum is a nice one by Dr. Gaus. She is a psychologist in the U.S. who specializes in AS.

Good therapy is not about change; it is about helping you to best play the cards you have been dealt.

Gosh... I remember that you were going to move because you can't make any friends... and now your therapist wants to teach you how to be more "friendly" and you're vexed? And you are making your therapist wrong?

CBT is great for things like anxiety and depression, where the client has cognitive intrusions he/she wants to change.

This does not sound applicable to you. At all.

No I want friends who accept me for who and what I am, not friends who only like me because I have changed myself into what they think I should be.

Or to put it another way..I am looking for friends who are compatible with me instead of stressing myself out trying to fit in with people whom I clearly have nothing in common with and whom are incapable of understanding me.

The therapist wants the former...she doesn't wants to make me different, not more friendly, I am already friendly...I help people, I smile at people (taught myself to), I chit chat for short periods of time (not long ones, long ones are too tiring as are dealing with large groups), I am pleasant and stick to paying people compliments so as not to offend them whilst most of the time (except online which I use to vent) keeping my opinions/beliefs/feelings to myself. In fact I am no where near as expressive in the real world as I am online to the point that people have trouble reading me. They cannot tell what mood I am in...they think I am sad when I am happy, they think I am relaxed when I am anxious, they think I am angry when I am upset (voice does change to being very fast and loud when I am excited or stressed or upset which confuses people. They hear babbling shouting and think anger....they are incorrect). I am a loof in person. Don't really show much reaction to things unless i find something funny or get upset (see above) and even then it has to be particularly upsetting for me to react. I go from looking completely calm one minute to being very upset the next. The upset had been building, it was not sudden, no one noticed it is all.

I am reserved when not upset. Not at all loud. Kind of look like im frowning all the time even though I am not. Seems to be my default face for all moods...

Concentrating...frown
Bright sunlight sensitivity...frown/squint
Enjoying pondering things/lost in pleasent thought...frown
Contented...semi frown
Happy...semi frown
Funny thought...smile or laugh to self (people wonder what I am tittering at though and I can't always say, it was my own private joke with myself I amuse me and my brain finds itself funny )
Excited...talk loudly, dance, sing, clap hands, jump up and down, squeal and talk really loudly and quickly although I mute my reaction a bit in public otherwise people stare or I disturb the peace and quiet.

I am not frowny because I am unfriendly...it is just the way my facial expressions work. I sometimes mimic people like lee evans so I have more facial expressions but then people think I am pulling faces at them or am over animated. I go back to default and everyone always thinks I am grumpy. Gah!! !! Bah diddly humbug.

I do have a tendency to talk to myself which I need to stop doing when I am out. The therapist can help with that but it is a form a thought processing. I am not talking to things that are not there. I also read out loud. It helps me think...

What my therapist wants is to change me...

And you are not really understanding my social problems. It is not that I am not polite or that I will not chit chat. On contrary I will natter to anyone who wants to natter to me. The problem is chit chat exhausts me..it is mentally draining and my not wanting to natter at times has nothing to do with not being friendly at all. I don't ignore people in the real world if they speak to me (I may online, sometimes I can't keep up with all my emails especially as I am out most of the time and only have access to the internet via the library computer at those times. In the evening when I get home I need to eat and shower etc so don't log on much then either. I am in the library now, in cromer, again. Am off to Fakenham or Wells for a bus ride shortly...) I speak to people if they speak to me and I will even speak to them if they don't. In regards to the later I don't know how to start conversations so tend to just ask a question and hope something springs up from there (ie "Excuse me, do you have the time please" Or "Excuse me, has the number 5 been through the bus station please?" and so on).

I am not too shy to ask people things.

What happens when I don't feel like chit chatting is that I will try to slink off on my own somewhere. i don't want to socially interact at those time and don't take kindly to being forced. I need think time, brain space, time to just be with my hobbies or the world without having to interact and do the social thing.

I also find socialising tiring reading things, thinking of things to say and trying to work out what to do next takes a lot of brain power. I simply do not have the physical energy to socialise as much as people want me to because of all the effort I have to put into it.

I have plenty of chit chats but still don't make friends...I don't know exactly why because I am not rude in person, I am however elusive (hard to catch hold of apparently because I keep disappearing off by myself, won't answer my phone and people can't reach me). I probably don't want to chit chat at those times and may be preoccupied with something else such as reading a book, riding a bus (I love my bus rides.....Im going on an extra long one today!)

What i want are friends who appreciate that I need my space and whom understand that just because I don;t want to chit chat or interact with them that does not mean I don't like them or that I don't care about them. I just tend to live in my own world a lot and I can be hard to reach when i am in it. Not a selfish world where I don't care, a distracted world where I am busy being absorbed in whatever it is that has excited my neurons this time (bus riding/volcanoes/sharks/stitching/astronomy etc).

I also tire and have to retreat into my own world to recharge. Pushing me to socialise at those times only causes me to exhaust, which causes me to stop functioning and sleep all the time. I will only start to go to sleep on people mid social interaction. It has happened. I am exhausted and need to go away and rest...

Society does not understand any of this.

I don't want to change, I want to be accepted for whom and what I am. I wanted the therapist to help me find a way to explain why I am the way i am to people so that they will stop feeling hurt if I don't have the energy to make social chitty chat with them.

I am not of the school of thought that being different is a disorder or a sickness to be cured. It is, to me, a difference to be accepted and society should stop being such an ignorant dipstick in its pursuit to make everyone the same.

As for my traits that society thinks impair my functioning I'd rather find creative ways to work around them rather than try to change them.

Ie my lack of concentration span when I find something boring...well then I need to find a way of making it interesting for myself or go and do something else that is more interesting instead (depending on how important the task is), that way I can tap into my hyper focus and my problem will be solved. I have brilliant concentration for things I enjoy/love/find fascinating. So much so the world around me can fade into oblivion (ceases to exist...the only thing that exists in that moment is what I am doing) whilst I am participating in them.

Society does not like my unique or quirky way of going about things though. It would rather I just copied everyone else instead.

I give society two fingers raised on that one.

I have this book on CBT for Asperger's. I haven't read it yet but you've reminded me I have it so I'm going to try to get stuck into it. Regular CBT didn't do anything for me except frustrate me so I'm curious as to whether there really is a "better kind". If I find out anything useful I'll let you know!