head hitting

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I do that sometimes especially if I am really frustrated.

Me.

I only hit my head when I am really upset, but none the less, stimming a lot.

same here.
have been a lifelong head banger and hit head throughout the day due to various reasons- lacking the communication, pain, severe anxiety and sensory seeking.
have had a lot of brain injury built up over the years and get prescribed padded helmets on the NHS as a result,am also on diazepam because of it and the overall anxiety.

I used to beat my fists against my head or bang it against walls in order to punish myself for making mistakes.

Yep. All the time. Glad to know many people on the website can empathize.

That must be awful to have suffered brain injury due to the head banging The padded helmets sound like a good idea. Does the diazepam help and do you take that every day?


To OP: Yes I hit my head and used to bang it on walls when I was younger. It really scares me, like my body is out of control and everything has gone white and I scream and cry and bang and bang and bang. I think I've always mainly gone for my head because some part of me knows that that's where the pain is coming from - all the frustration and panic and rage - I know there is no physical threat outside of me but I want to DESTROY what is causing me such agony and that is my brain. Obviously I don't really want to do that, but in the moment it's as though this urge to destroy just overwhelms me. These days I rarely hit the wall; I have managed to learn to see it coming and as long as I hit myself in the face I can kind of channel it there, although if I don't hit my face in time I will automatically then go for the wall. Or if I am on the floor because I have curled up to feel safer then someone has interrupted my attempts to calm myself down - I will then hit my head on the floor. I still get bruises on my face from slapping myself, but luckily they aren't as bad as when the brick wall had collided with my head - those bruises were embarrassing when people asked how I got them.

Wow, that is intense. I really feel for you Gizalba. Mine are short bursts. It's pretty quick for me. I don't know how voluntary it is but it seems very reactionary like it's almost involuntary. For me it's about three to six hard hits to the front sides of my head with an open hand until the emotional pain is overcome and then it's over. I usually have a bit of a headache afterwards. It usually comes if I am angered or frustrated in a conversation and I feel mentally or emotionally trapped and not able to escape. I did bang my head against a glass wall though once and gave myself a concussion. But I find that I use my hands because there have been times when I have tried to bang my head on the wall and I just don't seem to be coordinated enough to get a good enough bang. With my hands I can hit hard enough to overcome the emotional trauma. But perhaps a padded helmet would be good for you. I would hate for you to hurt yourself badly. Sometimes I am concerned about doing damage with my hands.

it is sort of a relief to know I am not the only one

I do it at times to self injury, even bleeding, basically when that got so out of control it is what forced me to get diagnosed.

This is exactly the most likely reason for me. In fact, if I analyse it, all my head-hitting - whether acutely or over-archingly - comes from a sense of entrapment in a situation.

This is a really good thread. It's important to know you're not the only one struggling with certain behaviours, isn't it?

Yes the 'trapped' feeling is exactly what all my meltdown's have in common too. I am glad to have found people who understand that! In real life (haha) I have never met anyone who does this, so to have suffered with it for so long with noone understanding and all professionals witnessing it simply saying 'I don't know what that is' or calling the police, and members of the public coming up to ask whoever is with me at the time why I'm not on medication for it (when it humiliatingly happens in public). I have always felt very alone and have hated myself due to not understanding it myself and being frustrated that I can't seem to just stop it. So yes thankyou to the OP for making this topic!

Upon stumbling across the idea of autism (I am not diagnosed), I have now got a book on meltdowns and it has made me feel some hope to find an explanation describing exactly what I experience and how to reduce the frequency of it. The book (by Deborah Lipsky) describes two triggers for meltdowns; 1. sensory overload and 2. cognitive overload. I think the sensory overload explains the main thing that's going on for me when it happens say at a busy train station or in response to a loud repetitive noise at home that panics me. And the cognitive overload describes what happens within me indeed with a conversation where I feel as skibum accurately put it: 'mentally or emotionally trapped and not able to escape'. This can even happen via text conversation, or on the phone - I have smashed several phones due to having a meltdown while on the phone so now my mum knows that if I suddenly hang up without saying bye, it is because I have felt myself losing control and needed to end the conversation immediately to calm down.

Skibum - Giving yourself concussion hitting a glass wall - OUCH I think that is what is so scary - the fact that serious damage could be done, to myself most likely but potentially minor damage to others too if they get too close. I actually feel safer around people I know are strong enough to restrain me safely if absolutely necessary, because although being held down is scary to me in itself, at least the damage is then minimised (although sometimes I have then bitten myself, and on occasion the person restraining, which I feel horrific about ). I think a helmet may have been good for me the past However now I am in a better environment with people who don't escalate the problem, I don't seem to bang the wall any more - well my boyfriend does intervene if he sees/hears me go for the wall. But regarding hitting my head with my hands; although he doesn't like hearing me do that, doesn't want me hurt, he accepts that I need to do that to get as you mentioned 'the emotional pain' out of my system on my own.

Yes, it's crushing when it happens in public, isn't it? But you're not alone. It feels like it at the time, doesn't it? But you're not, I hit my head at uni just the other day, and this is definitely one of the comforts of a thread like this

This thread makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one, I have been head hitting since I was a young child and sometimes I worry that I may have had a head injury once or twice many years ago before I woke up and it began to concern me, I will still hit but I try very hard not to and I don't hit my head anymore if I can avoid it, I have better management over my interactions now and I try to avoid any over stimulating situations that I can not escape from.

I really wish I knew why I feel the need to hit myself or destroy things when I melt down, I feel like the Hulk and I don't like doing it, I much prefer being in control of my actions.

Ditto to that. Except I am stuck in therapy which seems to be inducing the damned episodes as they like you to challenge these things. And I had a lovely system of avoidance set up too in terms of staying away from things that caused me that much upset/over stimulation.

This

me.