Annoyed that people think I'm high-functioning

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High-functioning just means autism without intellectual disability.
High-functioning is an adjective added to this group of people with autism, autistic people who don't have intellectual disability.
That is all that high-functioning means.
There are no connotations or additional stipulations about what specific abilities a high-functioning person has.

I totally get what you are saying. I FEEL THE SAME WAY. It would be nice to feel like people understand what you go thru

While high functioning was conventionally defined as autism without mental retardation - this was never an official classification. DSM 5 provides a better definition that actually takes into account how well a person functions. If they need substantial support, they aren't high functioning- even if their IQ is 200.

I agree that I don't feel good when people cheerfully compliment me on being "so high functioning" when it's all I can do to act that way. However, the alternative is even worse: "Yeah I can tell you're autistic. You're clearly struggling with everyday activities." So I bite my tongue and try to take it as a compliment on my acting skills.

It's like the worst kind of back handed compliment, and I really feel for you because the struggle is real even if they can't see it. The closest thing I can relate it to is horse riding actually, where people who don't know any better will say it looks easy because the horse is doing all the work, when the reality couldn't be more different. Figure skating probably has a similar level of intricacy and I'd like to see anyone tell them they aren't skilled! Plus the horse is the muscle and the rider is the brains.. and sometimes the muscle doesn't listen to the brains and everyone gets hurt. ^^'

It also kind of implies that they think all people with autism must be unable to do the things 'normal' people do as well, and they're surprised to find someone who manages to (albeit with a monumental conscious effort). Lack of education is to blame there I think, and we'll all be better off when people actually learn about these things in class. Next time someone calls you high functioning as though it's amazing that you've carved out a 'normal' looking life for yourself, just imagine spitting in their eye pff.

"When people congratulate me for being high-functioning I feel like they've slapped me in the face. I know logically that they think that because they don't see the monumental effort I go through everyday to appear normal. Still, it's hurtful and is really annoying. Does anyone else out there ever feel like this?"

I relate to the monumental effort to be functional but I don't get annoyed with other people who don't understand. They just have no way of seeing what you have to go through, mentally, to deal with life. They are neurotypical and so do not have this cross to bear. And I hate to say it, but maybe you ARE high-functioning. You are passing as normal in this world which suggests that you are functioning pretty well. It just may take a tremendous effort, but you appear to be accomplishing it.

This is a great topic and I definitely relate to having negative reactions when people minimize my difficulties. I very seldom mention to anyone that I’m autistic out of fear of their reactions and possible gossip, but I’ve recently realized with help from a really great counselor that I need to let certain people know why I repeatedly seem cagey or reluctant in social situations. Otherwise I can come across as disinterested in others, seem unwilling to participate, or I can get really quiet and then I fail to make connections with people when I truly want to. I’ve even had some hurt feelings about a support group I’ve attended for those with Aspergers by a local autism society: I don’t have Aspergers, I have full autism, since I had a speech delay and couldn’t speak until I was 4 years old. My sensory, verbal, and social issues aren’t mild in any way – in a social group my instinct is to bolt for a door or bare my teeth at people. And yet I was a manager at a large company for years, which took tons of extra effort for me. I think some of my feelings come from working so incredibly hard to maintain composure and a normal conversational tone of voice and keep “normal” facial expressions and not fidget to where people can see and even throw in some humor and nuanced expressions just to fit into the non-autistic world. Getting bullied and shunned by peers in school and even by some teachers pounded in the lesson that I didn’t fit in and would be mistreated and misunderstood if I behaved authentically. I just turned 60, a lifetime of “faking normal”, and I’ve grown totally out of touch with myself and how I feel because essentially my whole life I’ve had to pretend to be neurologically normal. Having to fake normality to succeed at work or to fit in socially is a big additional handicap on top of my sensory, social, and other issues. I guess it’s an issue of social norms and how people react if you’re unconventional. I’m a nice, considerate person who’s genuinely interested in others, but that easily gets lost. If non-autistic folks were more tolerant of differences and didn’t try to tell you that you’re really normal or that your fears/phobias/difficulties weren’t that serious, it would go a long way toward real acceptance of autistics. That sounds like a bunch of complaining, and maybe it is, but it’s reality. Normal folks aren’t intentionally being hurtful and I’d still like to find a better way to interact.